My Brother, and the Secret He's Keeping
by AnotherConstellationDies.x
Summary: Sirius Black comes to a new school, and meets Matthew Lupin. Matthew is the best friend Sirius has always wanted, but soon he realises Matthew is the one standing between Sirius and happiness. AU, RxS
1. Conformity

**Okay. There is a distinct possibility that this fic will crash and burn, but give it a chance, will you?**

**I'm not very good at writing long chapters, so don't think badly of me if they aren't very long. Please comment, I really need to know if this is worth continuing. Unlike my Twilight fic, I actually have a plan for this one, so, so far so good. It's Remus/Sirius, so if you don't like it, don't complain to me, you've been warned. **

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling. In case you didn't know. :P**

**Enjoy...?**

**Xx  
**

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**Chapter 1**

Queen Elizabeth Grammar School was a ten minute drive from town. It was the start of a new year, and students were swarming around the building like insects around a hive. The school itself was vast, buildings sprawling across the extensive grounds. The main school building was once an old house, the classrooms now only holding distant memories of living rooms and bedrooms for the children of the household. Inside there was a huge stairwell, with a staircase that twisted its way through the building, the railings ornate and not really suited to the wear and tear of school life. The classrooms were neat in a disorganised sort of way, rows of battered, graffiti-covered desks, each one unique. Small displays of art by the younger children were hung on the walls, and it smelt like a school should, full of books, with a distinct aftertaste that reminded one that this was definitely once a home. It was easy imagining one lived there. The exterior was neat and homely, with marble steps leading up to an impressive front door, marble columns on either side. The windows were arranged neatly, five per floor and three floors, and there was ivy growing up one side of the building, the dark green of the leaves contrasting nicely with the white of the exterior walls.

All this might have meant something significant or special to some people, but not to Sirius Black. To Sirius Black, the appearance of the school meant one word.

Conformity.

Sirius Black could do a lot of things but one thing he couldn't do was conform. In his eyes, there was something rather disturbing about a mass of students, all dressed the same way, looking more or less the same. All around him were uniformed children of varying ages, from eleven to tall eighteen year olds in suits. Sirius scowled at all of them. He turned back to his mother. "You don't really expect me to stay here, can you?"

His mother, Walburga Black, a tall and skinny woman with dark hair and darker eyes, scowled down at him. He was almost as tall as she was, but she still managed to look down at him. "Your father has paid a lot of money for you to attend this school. You're staying, whether you like it or not. I want you to be on your best behaviour. You have the name of the Black family to uphold." Sirius rolled his eyes. Choosing to ignore his mother, he turned to his eleven year old brother, Regulus.

Regulus was almost a double of Sirius, if a bit shorter. He too had glossy dark hair that fell in waves to his shoulders. He had Sirius' pale grey eyes, straight nose and full lips. He had all the beautiful aristocratic features of a Black. "I'll miss you, Sirius." Regulus had said. He wanted to give him a hug, like he did at home, but decided against it upon seeing the masses of students milling about. One or two had stopped to look at this new student, this handsome boy, instantly recognisable as the son and heir to the CEO of one of the country's major businesses.

"I'll miss you too, Reg. But don't get too lonely, yeah? I'll be home at four!" Sirius laughed, wondering if _he_ was so clingy when he had been eleven. Regulus laughed too, but he didn't seem as happy. "Bye Reg." Sirius' smile faded as he turned back to his mother. "Goodbye Mother." He nodded once and left.

He hesitantly entered the huge wooden front door, making sure not to bump into anyone. Just as he was wondering where to go, he noticed a group of children around his age and followed them. He saw a flustered woman directing children in different directions. Sirius started to make his way over to her but in doing so he bumped into a girl with auburn hair. She turned to him with chocolaty brown eyes.

"Oh, sorry." Sirius said.

"It's fine." The girl replied, and moved on.

Sirius reached the woman and was directed down a corridor, up a flight of stairs, along another corridor and into the third door on the right. He entered a classroom where about seventeen other children were engaged in animated conversations. Sirius was a bit wary of so many boisterous children, at home he had always been told it was only proper to be calm and dignified at all times. Sirius put his bag down on an empty desk, and noticed that across the aisle there was a boy sat on a desk, watching him.

"Hi." Sirius said. "I'm Sirius." He nearly stuck his hand out for the boy to shake it, but decided against it.

The boy grinned. "I'm Matthew. Matthew Lupin." The boy was skinny, and taller than Sirius. He had golden hair that was surprisingly nicely styled, if the hairstyles of their other classmates were anything to go by. His eyes were an invitingly clear blue, the colour of a summer sky. "Do you want to sit here?" He offered, gesturing to the empty desk beside him. "'S better than sitting on your own."

Sirius smiled appreciatively and shifted his hefty bag to the vacant desk. "So you've been here since year 7?" Sirius asked, if only to make small talk.

Matthew nodded. "Yeah. It's not so bad here, really. The possibilities for pranks are endless." Sirius grinned, feeling he'd get on well with this boy. "Which school did you go to before this one?"

"Oh...I was...I was homeschooled." Sirius looked away, waiting for the laughter and the jeering.

"Really? What's that like?"

Sirius looked at him in astonishment. "It's rubbish. You'd think it would be better because, well, you're at home, but Mother was always hovering around making sure I paid attention." He scowled, but he smirked when he saw that Matthew was laughing. He was positive Matthew wouldn't like him, once he learnt he'd been homeschooled. Only weirdos and reclusive loners did that, didn't they? That was Sirius' opinion on the matter, anyway.

...

It was Sirius' first lunchtime at his new school. He was sat with Matthew, the only person he had really talked to, but he wasn't bothered. Matthew was a great person to be with, he had a wonderful wit and a charming smile. Many of the girls in their class were already wandering inconspicuously closer to him.

"So. Opinions on this place." Matthew said, twirling his fork in his plate of spaghetti.

Sirius shrugged. "It's a bit..." He looked around. "Uniform." Matthew sniggered, and went back to eating. Sirius was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable in his uniform, scratchy black trousers, stiff white shirt and a tie that was too fiddly for Sirius' liking. His blazer was too heavy and too thick in the early September sun.

It was still warm, memories of summer lingering, the sky still blue and the air still warm. "I wonder what Reg is doing."

Matthew looked up. "Who?" He asked, mouth full of spaghetti.

"My brother." Sirius said. "He's eleven. His school doesn't start 'til next week. Have you got a brother or sister?"

Matthew was about to answer when the girl with auburn hair that Sirius had bumped into walked past. Sirius watched her go, and she noticed. She smiled pleasantly. Sirius looked at Matthew. "Sorry...you were saying something?"

Matthew looked at him in an endearing sort of way, and than burst out laughing.


	2. An Invitation

**Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling, get over it. **

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**Chapter 2**

Sirius and Matthew quickly became the best of friends. They sat together in every lesson, every lunchtime, and even walked most of the way home together after school. Sirius would wave goodbye to Matthew as he turned off down his road, smiling at a joke Matthew had told him.

Sirius walked up the path to his house. Grimmauld Place was a row of terraced houses, grey bricks mixing with grey doors mixing with grey windows mixing with the generally grey atmosphere of the street. Sirius hated his house, but of course there was nothing he could do.

He sighed and pushed open the big front door. "Mother?" He called, dumping his school bag and toeing his shoes off. "Mother?" He called, a little louder. He walked into the living room, where his mother was sat reading. "Didn't you hear me call?" Sirius said.

"Of course I did, Sirius. I refuse to answer you if you yell like a barbarian."

Sirius sighed and left the room. He found Regulus in his bedroom, and he grinned. "Hey, Reg!"

Reg spun round and smiled. "Hey! How was school?"

"It was boring, Reg. You wouldn't like it, at all." Regulus hugged him, because he wanted to. He smelt unfamiliar things on his uniform, but he didn't care. He didn't like being alone in that dark house with only his mother for company. He wanted his big brother to be there for him, to protect him.

"I missed you. Mother was in a right tizzy."

"She's disown you if she heard you butchering the English language like that." Sirius laughed as Regulus just hugged him tighter and let go.

They sat in Regulus' room for about an hour until Walburga Black rang a bell that told them dinner was ready.

Dinner was eaten in awkward, formal silence that seemed to suffocate Sirius as he tried to eat. His mother didn't ask him anything about his first day at his new school. Regulus didn't say anything, just kept his head low.

"Where's Father, Mother?" Sirius asked suddenly, making Regulus jump.

"Away. On business. You know that." And that was all she said on the subject. Sirius found himself getting angry. His mother should care about him, damn it. His father should be home more, at least pretending to be interested in his sons. He wanted to scream and rage, but he looked at his mother and was scared.

Walburga Black was tall and thin, with angular features that once could have been considered beautiful. Her dark grey eyes pinned you to the wall when she looked at you, and her hair was always pulled up in a tight bun. Sirius was frightened of his mother, but that was the way families worked, he thought. Parents were to be respected and feared slightly. At least, that's how his family worked. What about Matthew's? Did Matthew's mother looked at him with the contempt that Sirius saw in Walburga Black's eyes? Did Matthew's father make an appearance in the house, ever? Sirius had trouble remembering when he had last seen his father.

Sirius finished his dinner quickly and retired to his room, scowling.

School became Sirius' escape. The next few days at school flew by. Sirius found himself happiest when he was sat with Matthew. They seemed to like the same things, and find the same things funny. Sirius had always assumed he had an odd sense of humour until he realised Matthew was laughing at his jokes. Matthew made him feel a bit more normal, and that unsettled him, because he didn't consider himself abnormal in the first place.

Sirius sighed and rubbed his eyes. It was Monday morning, and he had decided he was definitely not a morning person. He entered the class room, and he saw Matthew sat with his back to the door, talking to the girl Sirius had bumped into on his first day. Sirius walked up behind Matthew, tapping him on the shoulder, and moving to the other side. Matthew turned to look over his shoulder to see nobody there. He looked over his other shoulder and Sirius was there grinning.

"Oh, very good." Matthew said, smirking. "You got me."

Sirius sat down next to him.

"This is Natasha." Matthew said, gesturing at the pretty auburn haired girl sat opposite him. She smiled and waved.

"Hi." Sirius said, oozing charm, smirking. "I'm Sirius." She smiled at him again, and there were a few seconds of silence before somehow the conversation took off, and they remained talking until the teacher walked in.

For most of the day, Sirius didn't pay attention in lessons. He wasn't one to boast, but the subject matter wasn't too challenging for him, even though he kept up the facade that he couldn't care less about his work. Throughout the day his mind was focused on his family, moreover, the failings of his family.

Matthew had told him about his father, John. He'd told him about the Sundays where they'd have a roast dinner together and play card games. He told Sirius about the jokes his father made, and it made Sirius feel sick. In comparison, _his_ father was nothing. _His _father was always away on business. If Sirius thought back, he could remember seeing his father before the beginning of the summer holidays. He'd only stopped in overnight, and had barely paid any attention to Regulus and Sirius.

The pencil in Sirius' hand snapped. Matthew noticed this, but said nothing. After all, Sirius didn't look angry. He looked perfectly calm, bored almost. His half lidded grey eyes watched his hand gather up the wood splinters into a small pile. His chin was rested on his hand. He blinked, once, twice, and then Matthew realised he had work to be getting on with. He was going to remind Sirius to do his too, but noticed he had already finished.

Sirius was quiet at lunch, as well. Matthew invited Natasha to sit with them, in the hopes that she'd cheer Sirius up. She didn't. She, too, had noticed the unhappy air that surrounded Sirius.

"Sirius, mate?" Matthew asked. "Are you alright?"

Sirius looked up at him as if he'd only just noticed him. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just a little down, I guess."

Natasha put a hand on his arm, smiling. "It'll be alright. Whatever's wrong, it'll be alright."

Sirius smiled back at her. "No, it won't."

Natasha looked at Matthew who just shrugged and rolled his eyes.

It was the last lesson of the day, and Sirius' mood hadn't improved.

Matthew wanted to cheer him up. "Hey, Sirius." Sirius looked at him. "Would you like to come to my house tomorrow?"

Sirius looked at him for a second, and then a smile spread across his face. "Really?"

"Yeah, of course. Mum's dying to meet you."

"That...that'd be great."

"Will your parents mind?"

Sirius' smile faded. "No, Mum won't be bothered."

"Well, I...alright then. So you'll stay for dinner?"

Sirius grinned again. "Sure, sounds great." And Sirius couldn't stop grinning for quite a while.

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**I'm sorry this chapter is rather short. I tried to lengthen it out but it failed. Review, please, so I know if this is worth continuing. Thanks :)**

**~~Allie x  
**


	3. Earthquakes

**Howdy. Well, here we are again. :)**

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**Chapter 3**

Sirius didn't tell his mother about his plans to go to Matthew's house. His mother wouldn't care, she probably wouldn't even notice his absence.

Sirius found himself more than a bit impatient for the end of the school day to arrive. In Maths, the first lesson, Sirius and Matthew got told off for sticking a piece of paper with the words '_fat arse' _ on it onto the teacher's back. The writing on the piece of paper was a fairly accurate description but the teacher hadn't found it funny.

English was the lesson where Sirius shone. Thanks to his, let's say, _creative_ imagination, he excelled when it came to descriptive writing. Matthew, who was far more logical and practical, could only look on in envy as A* after A* came rolling in for Sirius. Sirius would just grin at him.

Geography was the last lesson of the day. The lesson was taken by a rather eccentric teacher called Mrs Walker, who had a strange fascination with death. She was old, but was tall and stick thin. She had quite a friendly face, but rarely smiled. She was an excellent teacher, if one disregarded her eccentricities.

The topic of the lesson was natural hazards and in particular, earthquakes.

"So we can see the effects earthquakes can have on the structures of buildings. In cities like San Francisco, leaflets are given out advising people on the safest places in the house." Sirius and Matthew were nearly dozing on their desks. "So if there's an earthquake in the next half hour, I'm having the doorway." Mrs Walker chuckled, and Sirius frowned in confusion at Matthew. "Looking around the room, where else do you think is a safe place to shelter, should an earthquake hit?"

Someone suggested getting under the desks. "Yes," Mrs Walker said, "But imagine being trapped under that desk, not being able to move. If rubble were to come down all around you, you'd be trapped there. How long do you think you'd survive, sat in one position, unable to move, under your desk?" Someone volunteered an answer, a few hours. "Imagine being under their for seven days. It's impossible to imagine being buried alive. It must be horrific, knowing there's no way you will survive." Sirius lifted his head from his desk, bewildered. Was he dreaming? Who knew. The bell rang shrilly, making half the class jump. "Lesson's over children! See you next time."

"She," Matthew said as they left, "Is one strange woman."

"Amen to that." Sirius said. He was excited about visiting Matthew's house. It was hard to imagine, images of Grimmauld Place had permeated his brain and he was unable to visualize any other type of home. He hated the fact that he would call Grimmauld Place his home. It was barely a house, never mind anything else.

"It's just a twenty minute walk." Matthew said. Outside it was warm, summer unwilling to move on and let autumn have her fun. The sky was blue, the air was warm and the sun was high in the sky. Sirius looked at their shadows as they walked. He was shorter than Matthew, but his hair was longer, and he would have looked like a girl if it wasn't for his broad shoulders and lack of feminine features. He chuckled to himself and they kept walking.

Matthew talked about insignificant things, like joining the football team at school. He complained about their bizarre geography teacher, and the amount of homework they'd been set that day. Sirius was wondering if Regulus would miss him too much.

He wanted to tell Regulus where he was going, but was unsure about it, because there was always the chance that Regulus would tell their mother, and Sirius definitely didn't want that. He felt bad though, because Regulus would be lonely without his brother, and Sirius didn't like the thought of his brother alone in that big, unforgiving house.

Matthew noticed Sirius' silence, and turned to look at him. "You alright, mate?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

"About what?"

Sirius shrugged, feeling silly. "My brother. He'll be lonely without me."

Matthew looked at him for a few seconds, and Sirius thought he was going to laugh, but he just shrugged and left it at that. "Tell me about him."

Sirius looked at him, slightly shocked by Matthew's blasé tone of voice. "He's eleven. Shorter than me, but he's catching up. Same hair. Same eyes. Same everything really. Likes to read. It gets a bit annoying."

Matthew snorted with laughter, his voice suddenly cruel. "I know what you mean."

"You do?"

"Yeah..." Matthew's mean demeanour faltered. "You know, people at school. Like that Andrew, always in the library at lunchtime."

"Yeah." Sirius said, a bit unconvinced. "With my brother...we don't argue or anything. I guess he looks up to me. He's a good kid, really."

Matthew murmured something under his breath, and although Sirius couldn't make out particular words, it sounded scathing. "What's up with you?" Sirius asked, feeling suddenly defensive and protective of his brother.

"Nothing." Matthew said. He smiled and shook his head. "Sorry, it's nothing to do with your brother. He sounds like a good kid."

"Well," Sirius said, shrugging. "Maybe you'll meet him, one day."

Matthew nodded, staring at his feet as they walked. "Yeah, maybe."

They were walking along some shady avenue, dappled shadows were cast on the pavement by the trees above. The railings of the houses were a glossy black, and they glinted in the sunlight. These terraced houses were similar to those in Grimmauld Place, but at the same time so dissimilar, because Grimmauld Place lacked colour and warmth. This street felt safe and cosy.

"Just a few more minutes." Matthew said absently.

Sirius just made a noise of agreement in the back of his throat, too busy looking around to give a real answer. This was definitely the rich part of town, the houses attractive, the pavements well kept. If this was where the rich people lived, why didn't his family live here? Why did they choose to hole themselves up in the darkness of Grimmauld Place? It didn't make sense to Sirius. He was beginning to think that maybe he didn't belong with his parents. They didn't seem to share any ideals, they had different opinions on everything. He shook his head and they carried on walking.

They crossed a road, and then another, and then turned a corner onto Livingston Road. Here there were no trees lining the pavement, instead the front gardens of the houses extended and the whole atmosphere was lighter and more carefree. Sirius fell in love with the road, just because it was the exact opposite of Grimmauld Place. Matthew noticed Sirius smiling as they walked along to number 17.

The house was nice, the bricks a light colour and the front door was white and gleaming. The big window at the front allowed light to pour into the living room, and the whole house seemed to permeate light and happiness. Sirius grinned as he followed Matthew down the front path.

Matthew opened the door and toed his shoes off, as he called, "Mum!"

Within a few seconds, a woman had come out of the kitchen and was smiling at Sirius. She was slim and not very tall, with pretty features, and the way she held herself was very graceful. Her hair, the same golden shade as Matthew's hair, was swept up into a bun, strands falling down to frame her face. Sirius knew where Matthew had inherited his eyes, his mother's eyes were the colour of a cloudless sky. She smiled kindly at Sirius, and he could only smile sheepishly back.

"Mum, this is Sirius." Matthew said.

"Hello, Sirius. It's lovely to meet you. I'm Melanie." She swept forwards, and he thought she was going to shake his hand, but instead she took the bag off his shoulder. "Please, make yourself at home." He smiled, wondering if _his _mother had ever treated guests like this. "Matthew's father is still at work, but he'll be home later. Matthew, would you like to show Sirius around?"

Matthew nodded, begrudgingly. "Remember to introduce him to your brother." Matthew, the supposed only child that Sirius knew him as, groaned and closed his eyes, looking pretty damn dejected, his deception over.

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**If Livy is reading this, does the geography teacher sound familiar to you? ;)**

**And thanks, Liss, for the use of your surname for a road name. I was stuck. I have a strange writer's block when it comes to road names.3**

**~~Allie x  
**


	4. Lies

**Don't own Harry Potter, etc, etc...**

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**Chapter 4**

"Your brother?" Sirius cried. Melanie made the wise decision to retire to the kitchen.

"Yes, my brother. Don't act so surprised." Matthew said, crossing his arms across his chest.

"I will act surprised! I've told you all about my brother! You thought I wouldn't notice a sibling of yours?"

"Well...I didn't expect you'd ever meet him, or want to meet him." He stared defiantly at Sirius.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me." Sirius crossed his arms and scowled.

"Oh, calm down. You're acting like a girl!" Matthew laughed.

"Well..." Sirius was trying to fight it, but Matthew could see a smile appearing. "Alright then. I suppose I can forgive you. Can I have a tour of the house now?"

Matthew rolled his eyes. He was glad Sirius had a large capacity for forgiveness. "Tour of the house..." He muttered to himself. He turned back to Sirius. "All right then." He sighed exasperatedly. Sirius grinned innocently, and Matthew couldn't help smirk in return. Sirius' smile was the exact definition of infectious.

Sirius followed him to the living room, which was tasteful and very homely. Sirius thought about the Black living room, with the gothic fireplace and the dusty ornaments he wasn't allowed to touch. The cream walls of the Lupins living room was in a completely different from the dark wallpaper and dark rugs of Sirius' house in Grimmauld Place. Sirius scowled to himself, but turned it into a smile when he saw Matthew looking. Matthew lead him outside, to the garden. Sirius was in awe. _His _house didn't even have a garden. The sun was starting to set, and Matthew's garden was in shade. A towering willow tree stood at the end of the garden, and the soft, cool grass swished against Sirius' ankles. In a tree at the other end there was a treehouse, and although it was nothing special, Sirius thought it was amazing. It wasn't much more than a few planks of wood and a rope ladder but Matthew and Sirius hauled themselves up and they grinned and Matthew laughed at Sirius' almost childish excitement.

"Just what _are _you grinning about?" Matthew asked.

"It's just...this is amazing. We've got nothing like this at home."

"Really?" Matthew asked, eyebrows raised.

"No. We haven't even got a garden."

"Wow." Matthew said, his expression becoming more serious. "I can't imagine not having one. I love this place." In his mind he was thinking about the clear, starlit nights that only came once a month, where he was alone in the house. He'd come out to the garden, and stare at the moon like she was a friend. Eventually, when the garden was bathed in silvery light he'd retreat to the house, and wonder briefly, fleetingly, how his brother was doing. And then he'd push it to the back of his mind, and try to quell the sick feeling that he'd been trying to ignore all evening. Matthew shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"It's very nice." Sirius said quietly. "I wish we had a garden like this. Reg would love it."

"Hmm." Matthew said, nodding. The air around them had changed. It was more measured, more careful. Matthew took time when choosing his words. Sirius was one of those people that easily took offense. "You could bring him round with you one day, if you wanted."

Sirius looked at him and smiled. "Really?" Matthew nodded. "Thanks, Matt." There were a few moments of silence before Matthew cleared his throat and looked at the ground, a few metres below them.

"It's getting cold." Matthew commented, and Sirius chuckled. "What's funny?" Matthew asked, looking at him.

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know really. I'm just in a good mood."

"Well, I'm glad. You're boring when you're in a grump." Sirius barked with laughter, and Matthew grinned. "We should be going inside. It'll be dark in a minute."

"Fair enough." Sirius said, and with surprising grace he jumped out of the treehouse. It was only two metres off the ground, and he landed softly. "Well?" He asked a rather awestruck Matthew. "Are you coming or not?"

"Yeah." Matthew said, shaking himself out of a daze. "Yeah, I'm coming." He proceeded to climb down the rope ladder, and Sirius tutted and rolled his eyes at Matthew's boringness.

Matthew took Sirius back into the house, and led him upstairs to continue showing him around. He showed Sirius his bedroom, and oddly it was exactly how Sirius had imagined it. There were light blue walls and a cream carpet, and it was messy in an organised sort of way. Posters were stuck up around the head of Matthew's bed, and several football magazines stacked on Matthew's bedside table. Sirius did notice that there were shelves and shelves of books near Matthew's door.

"Why have you got so many books?" Sirius asked, and Matthew scowled. He closed his eyes, sighing.

"They're my brother's. He reads obsessively. It's sort of weird."

Sirius shrugged. "There's nothing wrong with reading." He thought about Regulus, sat in the Black library, fingers curled around the pages of some dusty novel, totally immersed in the fictional world the author had created. A bomb could go off outside and Regulus wouldn't notice it until he'd reached the end of a chapter.

Matthew pulled a face and shook his head. "You don't get it." He looked so uncomfortable, it made Sirius feel a little worried.

"Can I meet him?"

Matthew frowned, and for a while he didn't say anything, his eyes on the floor. Eventually he sighed. "If you must."

"I must." Sirius said, barely smiling. Matthew took him across the corridor and pushed the door open without knocking. Sirius found himself extremely curious, and he didn't quite know why. He was confused by Matthew's reluctance, and he wanted to know what so repulsed him.

On the bed sat a boy. He was cross legged, his head bent low, his pale fingers curled around a book. That's what Sirius noticed first, how pale he was. He was pale to the extent of looking ill. He had the same golden hair as Matthew, and it was so long that Sirius couldn't see his face.

"Remus." So that was his name, Sirius thought. Remus. He liked it. The boy looked up. Sirius was looking for Matthew's blue eyes in Remus, and was surprised to see his eyes were a golden sort of colour, a few shades darker than his hair. They were like frozen honey. His face was pleasant, if you looked past the paleness. His nose was straight and his lips were full and pink. His eyes were wide and expressive. Sirius couldn't stop himself smiling. Matthew had talked about him as if he were a leper, but he looked completely normal. Well, _almost _completely normal.

"Had a nice day, Matthew?" Remus asked in a sarcastic tone, one brown eyebrow raised.

"What's it got to do with you?" Matthew replied haughtily.

Remus sighed, and for a second he looked hurt. Then it was gone. "Some people." He muttered, mostly to himself. "No manners." And he returned to his reading. Matthew sneered and left. There were a few moments of silence.

"I'm Sirius."

Remus looked up at him. "Alright." He said, and there was more feeling in his voice, more so than when he had been speaking to his brother.

Matthew presently returned. "Remus, dinner's ready. Come on, Sirius."

Sirius was practically dragged away and he could only smile apologetically at Remus before he disappeared. Remus watched him go, wondering why Sirius was showing so much interest in him. No one, outside of his family, had ever shown an interest in him.

It was quite a nice feeling, Remus concluded.

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**Review? Please?**

**Ly :) **

**~~Allie x  
**


	5. Dinner

**Hey :) Sorry it's been a few days, i was trying to leave bigger gaps between when i updated :)**

**Enjoy the longest chapter so far, which isn't really saying much :)  
**

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**Chapter 5**

Melanie had seated Sirius next to Matthew, and opposite from Remus. There was a rather appetizing aroma hovering in from the kitchen, and Sirius smiled, realising how hungry he was.

As he ate, Sirius never took his eyes off Remus. Something about the boy drew him in, making him want to look more and more. His expression was so guarded, like he was keeping some secret. If only Sirius knew. Remus remained silent throughout dinner, while Matthew talked and Sirius absently joined in. Remus kept his head bent low, keeping his eyes on his plate of pasta. It was delicious, Sirius noticed, much more flavoursome than the food he was served at home.

Sirius noticed Melanie was hovering, in the nicest sense of the word. She was trying to look busy, absently tidying magazines or putting more water in the vase of flowers in the windowsill. Matthew noticed her as well, but just rolled his eyes and continued to moan to Sirius about the essay in English they'd been set.

Remus also knew Melanie was hovering. He was the only one out of the three boys who knew why she was doing it. She was making sure Sirius and Matthew didn't ignore Remus completely. God knows he was ignored most of the time, and she was making sure Matthew's pathetic younger brother wasn't left out of their meagre conversation. Remus sighed and looked at his mother, who was standing behind Sirius and Matthew. She gestured with her head towards Matthew, and Remus groaned infinitesimally.

Matthew was still complaining about the impossible task that was his English essay. Sirius was laughing softly at him, and Remus took a deep breath. "You should write about the structure of the novel, Matthew." Matthew fell silent and turned to Remus. Sirius did also.

"When I want your help, Remus, I'll ask for it." He glared at Remus, who stared coolly back at him.

Sirius blinked and said, "No, Matt, he's right. Mr what'shisface was talking about structure or something." He gave Remus a winning smile, and Remus, looking somewhat surprised, smiled back. Matthew just scowled at Remus and returned to his dinner. Melanie didn't see this, but beamed at Remus for participating. He rolled his eyes when she wasn't looking.

They lapsed into silence and Melanie left the room. Remus and Matthew both sighed.

"I'm just going to the bathroom, Sirius." Matthew said, leaving the room, not sparing a glance at Remus. Sirius made a vague noise in the back of his throat which served as a response. There was silence for a while, and Sirius silently marvelled at the similarity between Remus and Matthew. Yet there was something incredibly different about the way Remus carried himself. There was a difference in the way he talked, his voice was richer and more enticing, despite his youth.

"...So you're thirteen, Remus?" Sirius broke the silence, his head tilted slightly to the side.

Remus jumped and looked up from his dinner plate. "Uh, yeah. Fourteen in a few months." Sirius nodded.

"Which school do you go to?"

Remus stared at him, wondering why he was showing so much interest.

"The high school down the road. But I'm leaving."

"Why?"

Remus looked away. "I...I just don't like it there. I'll be going to school with Matthew after Christmas."

"That'll be nice." Sirius smiled, and Remus smiled weakly back at him. It felt sort of, well, _nice_, for someone to pay attention to him without being pitying or patronising. Remus wasn't really sure how to react. They sat in silence for a while.

"So what do you think of Matthew?" Remus asked, his voice even.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "He's nice. Makes me laugh. Is he as funny at home?"

Remus laughed once, voice dripping with mockery. "Not by a long shot. He's _very_ different at home."

Sirius nodded, not really wanting to pry, and went back to his meal. Matthew returned, looking at Remus as if to say, _what have you done? _He sat down beside Sirius and said, "Mum says she'll drive you home."

"Really?" Sirius asked. He knew for a fact that _his _mother never cared that much about Sirius' guests. "Your Mum's nice." he said, as he stabbed at a piece of stray pasta.

"Is she?" Matthew asked.

"Well, compared to mine. You're lucky, you two." Remus looked up, his golden eyes curious. Sirius smiled at him. Remus looked back down to his plate, and continued to pick at his dinner.

Remus suddenly stood up, having decided he wasn't hungry anymore, looked at Matthew and Sirius briefly, and left the room with his plate, which was still mostly full.

Remus retired to his bedroom and sat on his desk chair. Outside his window the sky was dark, for it was the night of a new moon. Remus smiled to his reflection in the window. This night was the night he felt the most human, it was the furthest he could get from the full moon. He seemed to look healthier, his eyes were glowing. Not in a lycanthropic sort of way, but in a way that suggested he was, in the simplest terms, happy.

He concluded that it must be Sirius who was making him feel this way, because it certainly wasn't Matthew.

Matthew took Sirius up to his bedroom, and they sat on the soft cream carpet and laughed about something that had little importance or relevance. Sirius felt so carefree in Matthew's company, in Matthew's house. He felt like he could do anything he wanted, say anything he wanted, and not get berated for it.

"Matt?" Sirius asked, his voice oddly subdued. Matthew could tell he was worried about something.

"Yeah, mate?"

"Can I use your phone?"

"Uhh, yeah, sure. It's just down the hall."

"Cheers." And Sirius left the room, and Matthew shrugged to himself and found a magazine to read and flicked through it absently, waiting for Sirius' return.

Sirius held on tightly to the receiver, holding it close to his ear. He was praying with all his might that his mother would not pick up.

"Hello?"

Sirius visibly sagged with relief. "Reg? It's Sirius."

"Sirius? Where the hell are you?" Regulus' voice rang down the phone, and Sirius winced.

"Look, please don't be angry. I'm at a friend's house, but I haven't told Mother. Can you just tell her I've got a detention, or something?"

"Until half past seven at night? No detention lasts that long!"

"Yes, I know!" Sirius half shouted, a flash of anger surging through his veins. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just wanted to get away. Please, tell her I'll be home soon, tell her I've had a detention. Please, Regulus."

There were a few moments of silence and Sirius realised he'd been holding his breath. "Alright." Sirius let out a sigh of relief. "But don't blame me if she doesn't believe me."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry. I can handle Mother, it was you I was worried about. I didn't want to upset you."

Sirius could hear Regulus laughing. "You're going soft, in your old age."

"Oh, shut up." Sirius said fondly. "I'll be back later."

"See you." Regulus said, and hung up before Sirius could respond. Chuckling, Sirius made his way back to Matthew's room.

"You alright, mate?" Matthew asked him. Sirius could see concern in his blue eyes, and he laughed softly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just had to make up a reason for Regulus to explain why I wasn't at home."

Matthew laughed. "What did you say?"

Sirius shrugged. "I told him I had a detention."

Matthew's smile faded. "Well, that's not very creative. Surely, you could have come up with something better."

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know. You could have said you'd fallen madly in love with Natasha and decided to elope, but then you realised you had no money with you so you were coming back home."

Sirius burst out laughing, clutching his sides. Matthew smirked, pleased he made Sirius laugh like that. He didn't consider himself to have many talents, save for making people laugh. He was quite chuffed with himself for that.

Matthew's mother drove Sirius home, since it was too dark outside, and Melanie Lupin couldn't bring herself to let Sirius walk home, not knowing what was out there. Sirius was a little disappointed that Matthew's father hadn't finished work early enough for him to meet him. Matthew had told him a lot about John Lupin, and he sounded like a genuinely first-class bloke.

As Melanie pulled up outside Sirius' house, she bade him goodbye and he thanked her and reluctantly got out of the car. She drove off waving, leaving him to gaze upon the dark house he was forced to return to.

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	6. Meet the Parents

**Hi-di-ho. Thought I'd say that. Sorry for the wait. This chapter had been waiting to upload for ages, i just didn't really get around to it. Sorry for the shortness. I'm trying, really. Enjoy (:**

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**Chapter 6**

Sirius considered himself lucky that his mother had believed his excuse. In his eyes, it wasn't very convincing, but his mother had just dismissed him with a cold look and a wave of her hand. It was obvious in the way she talked and the way she acted that the whereabouts of her eldest son were of little importance to her, she had more pressing matters to attend to. Those being making sure the maid had cleaned to her exact specifications and sitting alone in the living room, looking threatening.

Sirius sought solace in his brother, the one person he could count on in the god forsaken house. Regulus was on his side. Regulus would support him, look after him, make him laugh. Sirius had once thought that if their father had been around more often, he would not be so close to Regulus.

Because of the lack of a stable, regular father figure in his life, Regulus had sought out Sirius, had seen him as someone he could depend on. However, as Regulus realised his brother would not return at the time he was meant to, he felt let down, though he tried not to. Sirius was allowed to have a social life, he reasoned. But then again, Regulus himself didn't have a social life, so why should Sirius?

Regulus, as Sirius had done, had been homeschooled, until Sirius suddenly decided it wasn't the thing to do. Regulus had eagerly joined the revolt, and their father, during a rare visit home, had reluctantly agreed to allow them to attend school. There was one condition; they couldn't attend the same school. Orion Black had not explained his reasons, but he had spoken, and that was that. This meant Sirius could attend the private school outside of town, and Regulus would go to another, less well known, school the other side of town. Both boys had been confused by their father's choice, but they had more or less gotten what they'd asked for, so they didn't let it concern them too much.

Regulus jumped and looked to his closed bedroom door as he heard someone coming up the stairs. The door opened, and Sirius stood there, looking rather bashful. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Regulus shrugged, not looking at Sirius. "It's nothing. I was being clingy anyway." Sirius cocked his head.

"Still, I'm sorry."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Give it a rest, will you?" He asked, smiling. He patted the ground next to him, inviting Sirius to sit with him.

Sirius sat down next to him with a sigh. "So. We're sat on the floor." Regulus looked at him, an eyebrow raised. "There's a perfectly good chair over there, you know." He gestured to Regulus' desk.

Regulus shrugged. "I know. I like it down here."

Sirius laughed. "Fair enough. I've got homework to do." He stood up, using Regulus' head to help him.

"Oi!" Regulus yelled, but Sirius just laughed and ruffled Regulus' hair in a rather patronizing manner. Regulus just scoffed as Sirius left the room, a smile never leaving his face.

Sirius sat in his bedroom, trying to concentrate on his Maths homework. He couldn't do it though, his mind was elsewhere. He would try and read a problem, but his eyes would just skim across the lines, not really taking anything in. When he realised he was reading a line he had already read, _twice_, he put the book down and groaned.

He wasn't really sure why he couldn't concentrate. All he did know was that he couldn't help his jealous mind eagerly begin comparing Matthew's house and his own. Matthew's _family_, even, and his own.

He sighed, placing his chin in his hands, his elbows propped up on the desk. He couldn't even put into words what was making him feel so bad.

Sirius knew he had to tell his mother the truth. It wasn't a big deal at all; being at a friend's house was nothing he needed to hide.

With some amount of resolve, he decided he'd tell his mother the truth. Families shouldn't keep secrets from each other, he thought. Sirius was positive Matthew's family didn't have any secrets. He stood up from his desk, and left his bedroom with no idea what he was going to say to his mother.

"Mother?" Sirius asked. He was sat on an ornate sofa, the worn fabric a deep shade of green, the pattern on it faded in the weak sunlight that was able to filter through the windows. The legs of the sofa were made of wood, dark red and glossy. It wasn't the most comfortable of seats, but Sirius wasn't bothered. He had to tell his mother the truth. What would be the good in lying to her, about something as trivial as visiting a friend?

"_Damn it!" Sirius yelled, banging his fists against the mirror in frustration. They were just words, why wouldn't they stay in his head? "Come on." He said, his forehead pressed against the mirror, its cold surface providing a nice contrast to the rest of his body, which was hot and clammy from the nervousness he'd been overcome with. As much as he hated his parents, he was terrified of them. _

"_Try it again." He muttered to himself, straightening up and looking himself in the eye. He had inherited his mother's grey eyes, though his were a few shades lighter. They were light and delicate, like the powdery surface of a moth's wing. He watched himself blink, and let out a deep breath. _

"_Try it again." He repeated, rather unnecessarily, and began to recite what he'd been preparing. He needed to face his mother equipped, he couldn't just go in there and wing it. One hard look from her could have him shivering for days. _

"What is it, Sirius?" She asked, looking at him from over the top of a dreary novel. Sirius couldn't fathom where she found the energy to read something that...that tedious. Just looking at the faded front cover made Sirius feel bored.

"I...I wasn't at a detention, tonight."

His mother looked at him, her attention captured. "Well, where were you?" She looked at him for several moments before he swallowed heavily and looked away. So far she'd said everything he'd planned for her to say.

"I was at a friend's house."

"Oh. You thought that would interest me?"

Sirius hadn't been expecting that. He raised his eyebrows, his expression mostly calm, while his mind was frantically scrabbling around for the right words. "I decided it wasn't...necessary...to lie to you."

"Oh." Walburga Black's eyes flitted back to the page she was reading, and then back to Sirius. "Very well then."

Sirius frowned. "You're not angry?"

"Why should I be angry? I would not lock my son away, not allowing him to make friends." She turned the page of her novel. "But if you are to bring them here, you better hope your father is not home. For if that was the case I would side with him, not with you. You know no one is as good as we are, Sirius. You're descended from a long line of Blacks, all of whom strived to uphold the family's name. I will not allow you to slander it about the place, mixing with...with commoners." And with a gesture of her head, she dismissed him.

He left the room feeling bewildered. Had he just been told off, for something he hadn't even done? It was surreal, to say the least.

Walburga Black's words had unsettled Sirius. He felt something stir inside him, flashing along his veins. He hadn't realised how angry he was until he noticed his hands shaking.

His mother was so absurd. His mother was _deranged_. His mother was prejudiced, narrow-minded, unfair. Sirius hated his mother with renewed fervour.

He wanted to scream and rage, he wanted to do anything to make his parents see sense. Their views on everyone else in the world just weren't right, and he wanted to be the one to change that. He wanted to rebel, but deep down, though he'd never admit it, he was too scared of his parents to anger them willingly. He knew one day he'd have to leave that house. Otherwise, he'd lose his mind, he was sure of it.

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	7. Interest

**Hey! These chapters are getting longer, steadily. Be patient, I really am trying!**

**HP belongs to JKR, etc...etc...snore. :3**

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**Chapter 7**

Sirius sat on the sofa in Matthew's living room, feeling extremely content. Everything, it seemed, was going really rather well for him. His mother had been oddly bearably of late. His school work was going fine. He had an excellent best friend, and an amazing new girlfriend.

Out of nowhere, he'd asked Natasha out on a date. He was 15, and he figured that it was about time he got himself a girlfriend. And Natasha was a first-class choice. She was certainly very pretty, with long auburn hair that fell in waves around her face, and dark brown eyes which were the exact shade of melted chocolate. She was friendly, and she made him laugh. She was good company, and Sirius loved the way her eyes lit up when she spotted him entering the classroom.

He'd asked her out, and she'd grinned and thrown her arms around his neck. She smelt of a sweet perfume, and Sirius found it oddly comforting.

Sirius was beginning to realise just how much time he spent at Matthew's house. It was an extremely appealing alternative, when faced with returning to Grimmauld Place. Matthew didn't mind in the slightest, and neither did Matthew's parents. Remus, however, was a different story. Sirius would notice, every now and again, how Remus' golden eyes lingered on him. He noticed the startled expressions on Remus' face when he walked into the living room to see Sirius there with Matthew.

Sirius initially thought that Remus didn't like him, but as he got to know him better, he realised that maybe wasn't the case. Through Sirius' visits, Remus and he had grown closer. Not quite friends, you could say they were more along the lines of casual acquaintances. Sirius liked Remus' company immensely. His witty observations made Sirius laugh, but Matthew was not so impressed. He'd raise an eyebrow and stare at his brother.

Most of the time, Remus would clear his throat uncomfortably, unable to look Sirius or Matthew in the eye. Sirius could see the blush in his cheeks which would spread to his ears and down his neck. He'd watch, almost captivated by Remus' discomfort, trying to pinpoint what was causing it.

As Sirius had turned fifteen, so another year at school had begun. Sirius was now in Year 10, embarking on his O-Levels. Remus was thirteen, a few weeks away from turning fourteen. He had joined Queen Elizabeth Grammar School, and Sirius saw him sometimes in the corridors on the way to lessons. He'd smile and wave briefly, to which Remus would smile back, looking rather surprised.

Sirius would notice, with a somewhat dampened mood, that Remus was always on his own.

"Come on, Matt." Sirius said, standing up. "We should go into town, you know, see what there is."

"Aww, you just want to see Tasha." Matthew laughed but stood up too, and from the armchair at the other side of the room Remus looked up from his book. Of course, he knew he would not be invited. He didn't particularly want to spend time with Matthew, it never seemed to end well.

"Who's Tasha?" Remus asked. Matthew fell silent and turned to glare at Remus. Remus internally sighed and rolled his eyes. Matthew was so theatrical when Sirius was visiting.

"None of your business." Matthew snapped.

"Ah, calm down, Matt." Sirius placed a hand on Matthew's arm. "She's my girlfriend, Remus." Sirius said, grinning, his grey eyes shining.

Remus smiled, trying to feel happy for him. "That's great. Good for you." His happy tone was forced and he knew it. He sighed quietly and went back to his book, finding it an excellent distraction.

"Come on then." Matthew said, pulling his jacket on. "Let's have a wander."

Sirius scoffed at his quaintness and gave him a playful shove as they headed out the door. Before he left he gave Remus a smile, as if to tell him it wasn't the end of the world if his brother treated him like crap. Sirius wondered if Matthew tried to be subtle about his hatred for Remus. He guessed not, and felt very sorry for Remus. He didn't know why Matthew hated Remus. He had to remind himself continually that this was not his family. He couldn't go meddling in their affairs. It was none of his business. The right thing to do would be to leave the whole situation alone. He found himself very reluctant to follow his own advice.

Remus watched the light of the setting sun stream through the window, the world outside seeming very bright and with an oddly orange tone as the sun set. Remus' father arrived home unusually early, and settled on the sofa across from Remus to read the newspaper.

"What's up, Remus?" John asked, noticing Remus' subdued expression.

"Nothing."

"Has Matthew been nasty to you?"

Remus gave his father a withering look. "He always is."

"Just ignore him. You know he's only teasing." Remus shook his head, amazed at how blind adults could be when they wanted to.

"You don't understand." Remus said, and swung his legs over the side of the armchair so he was sitting sideways.

John didn't say anything, just turned the page of the newspaper. Remus sighed and mostly out of boredom he rolled up his trouser leg to knee height to inspect the gash on his knee. It was healing nicely. Well, it was healing, and that was good enough for Remus. The bruise surrounding it was no longer purple, and instead it had become a rather unattractive green colour, and Remus sighed and pulled his trouser leg back down.

The last moon had been tough, but then again they always were. Remus hated them, of course, but he was glad for his parents' support. He knew that without them he wouldn't have lasted very long.

He remembered his first full moon, when beforehand he had suffered horrible aches in his bones. He had screamed and begged his parents to make it stop, but of course they could do nothing about it. Matthew stood silently at the sidelines, terrified at the change that had come over his normally quiet little brother. Matthew was only six, Remus was nearly five.

When the moon rose, and Remus was no longer Remus, but a tiny, confused, angry wolf pup, Matthew stayed up all night with tears streaming down his face, too horrified to even think about falling asleep. In the morning, when John Lupin brought a bleeding and unconscious Remus back to the house, Matthew was unable to look, frightened and disgusted by the whole spectacle.

And unfortunately, as was Matthew's character, he came to associate these feelings of fear and disgust with Remus in general, not just Remus the wolf. And Remus' parents did the best they could, healing him and looking after him, but as hard as they tried, they couldn't hide the pity they felt towards Remus.

Remus didn't want to be pitied. He didn't want to be patronised by his parents either. He didn't want the hate he received from his brother. He knew there was something missing, something he desperately wanted, but at that moment in time he wasn't quite sure what it was.

Remus sighed, brought back to the present as his father turned the page of his newspaper. "Dad?" Remus asked, staring at patterns in the wallpaper. He wasn't sure if they were actually there, or if his eyes were playing tricks. It wouldn't be the first time. When he began to feel dizzy he blinked rapidly, shaking his head. "_Dad_." He repeated, when he got no answer.

His father answered from across the room. "Yes, Remus?"

"When…when's the next full moon?"

Remus' father sighed, not looking up from his paper. "Two weeks on Tuesday. Why? Are you worried?"

"No, dad." Remus said, teeth gritted. "I'm not worried. Just…" A_pathetic, resigned, fed up._ "Just wondering. That's all."

"Alright." John said, eyes still glued to the sports section. "But you know your mother and I are here if you get scared. It's perfectly normal to-"

Remus laughed once, short and sharp. "Normal? Nothing about this whole situation is normal. You should…you should talk to someone like Sirius." Remus said impulsively. "Now, _his_ situation is normal."

"Sirius? What brings him up?"

Remus blushed, but scoffed dismissively. "Just an example, Dad." He was glad, in a way, that he was able to get away with talking to his father like that. John would put Remus' attitude down to a side effect of the moon, and would shrug it off, letting him get it out. Remus hauled himself to his feet, sick of his father's attention only half turned on him. "Going to bed." Remus murmured, despite it only being quite early in the evening.

"Uh huh." John said, and turned another page. Remus retreated to his room, and as he was sat on his bed reading he noticed, through his open door, Sirius' jacket in Matthew's room. Remus continued to stare at it, not really sure why but rather in awe. He shook his head, telling himself he was being stupid. Of course he was. Staring at a jacket like some sort of loon. He sighed and returned to his book.

It was harder than he anticipated, and he was getting annoyed by his desire to look at Sirius' jacket, lying in the darkness of Matthew's room.

He liked it when Sirius was around. He laughed at his jokes and actually listened to him when he talked. And Remus talked a lot, much more than when Sirius was not there. Remus was glad that Sirius couldn't see his desperate and awkward attempt at communication for what it was - desperate and awkward.

Something about Sirius just made Remus feel so peculiar, in the giddiest, strangest of ways.

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**~~Allie xx  
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	8. Alcohol

**Longest chapter so far! Are you proud of me? :D **

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**Chapter 8**

Matthew and Sirius had been planning this night for a while now. The workload at school had increased and it was bordering on ridiculous, so one day Sirius had proclaimed that they needed to blow off some steam.

Matthew had decided that, with their height and appearances, they could easily pass off as adults, and therefor get into any clubs they wanted. Sirius was somewhat doubtful and rolled his eyes at Matthew's naivety, but went along with him for the ride.

It was already dark outside, it was November, the sun was setting sooner, the nights were getting longer. Remus certainly felt this during the night of the full moon, when he was trapped in the wolf's body for longer and longer each month. He missed summer, when the moon was only up for a few hours.

Matthew, when considering what he was going to wear, had chosen warmth over style, if he were honest. Not that his jeans and hoodie were ugly, but let's just say that when compared to Sirius, he was definitely the second choice. Sirius had too opted for jeans, but from his bag he had produced a leather jacket, the material soft and smooth, glinting in the light. He had put it on, and of course it had suited him perfectly, because he was Sirius, and that was just how things worked. Matthew scowled at him with more than a little bit of jealousy.

Remus was getting a glass of water when they descended the stairs. He turned around and nearly dropped his glass, because Sirius, in his jeans, his tight black t-shirt and his stunning leather jacket, was stood there, smiling at him. "You're going out?" Remus asked. Of course, he already knew - Matthew hadn't shut up about it for weeks.

"Yeah." Sirius said as Matthew excused himself to go to the bathroom. "Are…are you alright? You've been quiet lately."

Remus smiled briefly. "Yeah. I'm fine. Go, hang out with Matthew. He might get angry if you're fraternising with the enemy."

"He sees you as the enemy? Why?"

Remus sighed, taking a sip from his glass. "Because I'm different."

"You're not different." Sirius said softly.

"Go on." Remus said, as if he hadn't heard him. He could hear Matthew approaching. "Go out. Have fun." _God knows I won't._ He added in his head. Remus looked up to see Sirius looking reluctant. "Oh, whatever you do, don't get _too _excited." Sirius laughed, sounding oddly nervous. Matthew appeared at the doorway.

"Are we off, then?"

"Yeah." Sirius said, shaking himself out of a daze. Remus eyed him warily.

"Alright. Damn," Matthew said. "I left my wallet upstairs. I'll be right back." He ran up the steps, two at a time, and Sirius chuckled softly.

"You'll be alright, Remus." Sirius said, referring to Matthew's treatment of Remus. He wanted to tell him that he would be there for him, but that may have been overstepping a boundary. He just smiled, and didn't say anything else.

Remus nodded. "I know." He didn't really believe it, but he decided he would pretend to, for Sirius' sake. "How's your girlfriend?" Remus asked suddenly.

Sirius looked pained and shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Tasha's alright."

"Are you two okay?"

"Yeah." Sirius looked away, his smile gone. "...Yeah." Matthew appeared in the doorway again, and Sirius left the room with a sad smile. "See you later, Remus." Remus couldn't understand why he was looking forward to Sirius and Matthew returning. Maybe it was Sirius. It certainly wasn't Matthew.

Remus' parents went to bed before he did. He remained in the living room, wishing he had something to do. He wanted to read a book, but he had read everything, and had no desire to read them again. He sighed. The living room light was off, the room bathed in shadows cast by the streetlight outside, a few houses down. A car passed, and the room lit up momentarily, and Remus watched the shadows in the room follow the car until it had passed completely, and they returned to their normal positions. In the hall the clock ticked. Remus could tell it would be a long night.

He tried to imagine what Sirius and Matthew were doing. They had obviously gotten into a club, otherwise they would have returned by now, dismayed and dejected.

He wondered how much they were drinking, which girls they were talking to, how many of Remus' secrets Matthew was spilling. He didn't trust him, not that he had told him many things. Other than the big one, Matthew didn't know much of what Remus was hiding from everyone else. And Remus was glad of that. The only place he put his secrets was in his journal, which had been a reluctant present from his parents one Christmas. He hadn't really wanted it, but it was nice enough, thick crisp pages bound in a soft red cover. He didn't see himself as one of those people who wrote down every insignificant detail of their day, but he found it was a good place to put down his secrets. He liked reading through his previous entries to see how pathetic his moaning was. Remus laughed softly, the noise breaking the silence of the room. "Good self esteem you've got there, Lupin." He listened to his words dissolve into nothing, and the room was silent again.

He wasn't exactly sure why he was staying up. Maybe it was because he wanted to make sure that Matthew and Sirius arrived home safely. Or maybe there was another reason altogether, he wasn't sure. He imagined Sirius in that nightclub, wherever it was. He imagine the female attention he would be receiving, he imagined the polite declinations in his voice as he told them he had a girlfriend.

Remus could imagine the dark of the room, and the loudness of the music, the heavy bass line making it impossible to hear anything else. He could imagine the salty sweet smell of perspiration and alcohol mixing together, hanging over the room like a cloud. He could imagine all those bodies, packed together as they danced, all tight clothing and glistening skin. He could see Matthew among them, but for some reason, his mind refused to imagine Sirius as a person who would join in with this interpretation of dancing. He could see Sirius as someone who would sit at the sidelines, watching Matthew get all the attention while he himself sipped his beer pensively, the bottle glinting under the strobe lights. Remus almost felt relief, and was then confused.

Sirius and Matthew returned home at about two in the morning. It would be an understatement to say that a certain amount of alcohol had been taken. Remus could smell it. It was extremely unappealing, and he screwed up his nose in disgust. Neither of the older boys noticed.

Sirius could hold his alcohol better than Matthew could, it was obvious from anyone's point of view. Matthew was swaying on his feet, and had to put a hand against the wall to steady himself. Sirius, on the other hand, needed no such assistance, and smiled when he was Remus come into the hallway.

"Mum's gonna kill you, if she finds out what time you got back." Remus raised an eyebrow and stared evenly at Matthew

"Shut it." Matthew said. "I'm gonna…I'm gonna go upstairs. Back in a minute."

Remus sighed and watched him venture unsteadily up the stairs.

"Why does he talk to you like that?" Sirius asked into the darkness.

"Because," Remus said for the second time that evening. "I'm different."

"Because you like boys?" The words slipped out. Sirius hadn't meant them to, he honestly hadn't. Remus looked at Sirius with big, fearful eyes.

"How do you know that."

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"

"_How do you know that_." Remus asked again, never taking his eyes of Sirius.

Sirius swallowed heavily. "Look, Remus, I'm so sorry. Matthew, well he told me, and I-"

"He told you?" Remus said, pain and anguish in his voice. "But I haven't told anyone! I've only written it down in-"

"You journal." Sirius finished softly, feeling guilty and ashamed. He hated seeing Remus like this, in pain. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you hadn't told him. I can't believe he'd…never mind. Just so you know, I don't care. I don't think Matthew cares, either."

Remus sighed, almost in defeat. "Yes he does. And deep down, you do too. You just don't know it yet."

"No, I don't!" Sirius cried, eager to make sure Remus understood. "Honestly, I don't give a damn."

Remus shook his head, not really responding, and sank down to the ground, his back against the wall. He looked up when he could hear Matthew rather ungracefully, not to mention loudly, come back down the stairs. "Quiet, Matthew!" Remus chastised, standing up. "You'll wake them up!" He said, gesturing to the ceiling and the floor above them, where their parents slept.

"Shut up, you stupid nancy boy!" Matthew yelled, wobbling unsteadily on his feet.

Remus' eyes flashed dangerously. It was too close to the full moon to be insulting Remus. Matthew knew this. Suddenly, Sirius turned to him. "Hey, shut up, Matt! Don't tease Remus about something he can't help!"

"Oh, what would you know?" Matthew asked drunkenly, staggering alarmingly. "You're not like him, you're not _gay," _He spat the word like it was poison and Remus' face turned white. It sounded so disgusting when Matthew said it. Remus wished more than anything that his brother would shut up, but Matthew had other ideas. "You're not a wer-"

"Matthew!" Remus cried, silencing his brother. "Shut up!" He had always thought that his brother would never go so far as to tell Sirius _that_ secret. Obviously he had been wrong.

"Whatever." Matthew spat, and returned up the stairs, with every intention of going to bed. Sirius, however, didn't follow.

Remus had slumped to the floor again, clutching clumps of hair in his fingers. His eyes were downcast, and he let out a laboured sigh. "Remus, are you okay?"

"No." He laughed once. "But I should be used to this by now. He's always like this. _Always_."

"Remus." Sirius said quietly, crouching down beside the younger boy, suddenly seeming a lot more sober. "I...I don't know why he's like this with you." Remus had to look away. If Sirius did know, he would hate him too. "You're a great person, Remus. I just…I can't see why he treats you like this. It's infuriating, because you really don't deserve this." Remus looked at Sirius warily. Was this sincerity or just the alcohol talking?

Sirius reached out in the darkness and held his hand. "Don't let him get to you." He sat down next to Remus, not letting go of his hand. His whole left side was pressed against Remus' right side. Remus looked at Sirius. He hadn't realised how close Sirius suddenly was.

"You reek of booze, you know."

Sirius chuckled and looked away. "Sorry." There were a few moments of silence. "I'm gonna dump Tasha." He said suddenly.

"What?" Remus asked. "Why?"

"Because it's not working. I don't like her. We're always arguing…and I...I think I like someone else more. Someone more important to me than her."

"But...a few weeks ago, you were telling me how much you loved her."

"You're right. I was." Sirius groaned. "I can't just end it with her. I can't be that cruel."

"No. But...if you're really sure of how you feel, you can't lie to her. Wouldn't it be best if you told her the truth?"

"Yeah." Sirius hiccoughed suddenly. Remus became aware that he was still holding Sirius' hand. He found he didn't mind. "I'll tell her. Thanks, Rem."

"What for?" _'Rem'? When had that happened?_

"For listening."

"Oh. Really, it's no bother."

"I think I'll go to bed now."

"Me too."

Sirius was staring at Remus, too intently for Remus' liking. "Night night, Rem." He leaned forward and gave Remus a kiss on the cheek. He let go of Remus' hand and stood up. He left a very confused werewolf sat against the doorframe of his living room, the whole hall bathed in moonlight. Remus raised a hand to his cheek. It felt warm, but Remus thought that it was his imagination. He sighed, and returned to his bedroom. He knew that Sirius was just across the corridor from him. He didn't think he could feel more alone. His cheek still tingled. _Thank God for drunken confusion,_ he thought, as he curled up in his bed, alone.

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**Review 3**

**~~Allie x**


	9. Disagreement

**Hi folks. Updates may get a little rare over the next few weeks - GCSE's and all that. English lit tomorrow. Wish me luck!**

**Anyway, enjoy. (:**

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****Chapter 9**

Half term. More than a weekend, not quite a full blown holiday. _Still_, Remus thought, _it's better than nothing. _

And that particular day was better than some - both his parents were at work and Matthew was out with some friends. Remus had the house to himself, and he couldn't be happier. Well, of course he could, but he was happy, and that was good enough.

He'd gotten up late, having enjoyed a lie-in. He'd made himself some pancakes for breakfast, and he'd curled up with a blanket on the sofa, watching the TV. The full moon was in a few weeks, and he was more susceptible to the cold as the wolf loomed ever nearer. Still, he was determined to put the wolf to the back of his mind.

Soon, however, he realised that on a Thursday at noon, there was nothing good on TV. He sighed and sat upright. Running a hand through his hair, he yawned. A side effect of a lazy morning. He got up, shutting the TV off and folding the blanket over the back of the sofa. He shivered, realising just how cold it was.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Remus jumped. He hesitated before answering. He didn't know who was there, and he didn't want to let a stranger into his house. As if he would otherwise. He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

Suddenly there was a knock again. Remus went forwards, oddly worried, to open the door. Sirius was stood there, his hair whipping around his head in the wind. His cheeks were red from the cold.

"Sirius?" Remus asked, bewildered.

"Hi." Sirius said, grinning. "Can I come in?"

"Uhh…sure." Remus said, standing to the side to let Sirius pass. He shivered as a gust of wind blew in. "Matthew's not here, you know." Remus said, closing the door.

"I know. He told me."

"Then why are you here?"

Sirius looked at him like he was an idiot. "I'm here to see you, you dolt." Remus laughed once, blushing without being able to help it. "I did it." Sirius said, triumph in his voice.

"Did what?" Remus asked.

"I did it. I finished with Natasha."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Really? How did she take it?"

Sirius looked down at his feet. "Not that well. I...well, she started crying."

"Well…at least you've told her. No more lying, eh?" He smiled weakly. Remus really wished Sirius wasn't telling him this. Remus wasn't very good at giving advice.

"That's true. I mean, she'll get over it, right?"

"I'm sure she will." Remus answered. "You might even be friends again."

Sirius snorted with laughter. "I doubt it."

"_Natasha?" Sirius asked, and Natasha turned to look at him, a smile on her face. "I think…I think we need to talk." _

_Natasha nodded, but her smile had faded. _

"_Listen…" Sirius began, rubbing the back of his head. "I think…I think we shouldn't see each other anymore."_

_Natasha's mouth fell open. "What? Why?"_

"_I know it's a ridiculous cliché, but it not your fault! It's me. Please, understand me. I…this just isn't working. I'm really sorry."_

"_This isn't working?" Natasha cried, and Sirius flinched. "But I thought we had fun together."_

"_We do, it's just…we're always arguing…and I knew this was a mistake. You should never date your friends, it always ends badly."_

"_A mistake? Is that how you see me?"_

"_Not at all, you don't understand. Look, Tasha, I'm really sorry. You can hate me if you want, I deserve it." _

_With tears glistening in her eyes, she nodded vigorously and angrily. The movement dislodged a tear and it ran down her cheek. "I really am sorry, Tasha." Sirius murmured, though he didn't know if it wasn't audible over her sobbing. He realised she wasn't going to respond, so gave her a parting kiss on the cheek, and left. _

"So." Remus said. "What are you going to do now?"

"I'm not really sure."

"So who's the girl?"

"Which girl?"

Remus scowled at him. "You told me that you liked someone more. So who is it?" Sirius blanched and swallowed.

"It doesn't matter." He thought wildly for something to say, to distract attention from himself. "Come on. Since my love life's sorted, I propose we talk about yours." He smiled in a rather persuasive way.

Remus raised an eyebrow, the epitome of sarcasm. "Sure. Let's do that."

Sirius waited expectantly. Remus sighed, relenting. "We're going to talk about my non-existent love life?"

Sirius grinned. "Oh yes."

"That makes for good conversation."

"Oh come on. Has anyone caught your eye then?"

Remus blushed, and went to sit back on the sofa, his arms crossed over his chest. Sirius followed obediently. "Maybe."

"Are you going to tell me who?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"No."

Sirius' grin faltered for only a second. "Oh, come on."

"_No_."

Sirius mock scowled at him. "Fine. Be stubborn. What are they like?" Remus was appreciative of how Sirius avoided gender. It made things easier.

"He…" Remus said, blushing madly. It was embarrassing, talking to a boy about boys. It just didn't happen. Well, it didn't in Remus' mind. "He's really nice. He's got the most infectious smile…I feel like I'm only happy when he's here. I mean, when he's around." He was sure the blush in his cheeks had spread to his neck, his ears, his shoulders. He looked down at his hands to see if they had turned red. It was possible, he thought.

"Well," Sirius said, after a moment's pause. "Why don't you ask him out?"

Remus smiled ruefully. "Because he's straight."

"Oh." Sirius said. "That is a problem."

"Yeah." Remus said, looking down at his hands in his lap. "At least, I'm lucky that he's as oblivious as he is. Otherwise, he would have figured it out by now."

Sirius hummed in agreement, fidgeting with his sleeve. He cleared his throat. "You poor thing." He said absently, rubbing the back of his head. He looked up when he saw Remus get to his feet.

"I don't _need_ your pity, Sirius." Remus said, amber eyes narrowed.

Sirius' eyes widened in surprise. "I'm sorry, Remus. I..I didn't mean to offend you." He held his hands up, as if in surrender.

"Just because my brother hates me, and my parents patronise the hell out of me, and I fancy someone who is just so blind sometimes, it doesn't mean I need _your _pity!"

"I'm _sorry_, Remus. I didn't know you felt that way." There was a moment of silence. Sirius stood up and left the room.

Remus sighed and began internally kicking himself for being so brash. He found Sirius in the kitchen, having a glass of water. Sirius' head was tilted back slightly as he drank and the wolf behind Remus' eyes stared at Sirius' pale, revealed throat, and Remus shivered. He shook his head and the wolf retreated.

Sirius noticed Remus and put the glass down. "I'm sorry, Remus. I didn't mean to be nasty."

Remus nodded infinitesimally. "I'm sorry too. I overreacted. I'm not feeling very well." This was certainly true, there was a draught coming from the open kitchen window and Remus was shivering violently. Sirius wasn't, despite being much closer to the window than Remus.

"Are you cold?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded, and watched as Sirius went to close the window. Remus instantly felt warmer as the draught was no longer there. "I don't pity you, by the way." Sirius murmured. "I never have done. From the moment I met you, and I saw you having to put up with Matthew and his treatment, I could only thing of you as strong and resilient. It sounds stupid," Sirius said, blushing. He continued on stubbornly. "But I thought that you were pretty brave, to be able to live with him. If it were me I would have snapped by now. I don't know how you survive him. I know he's my best friend, but I just don't like what he does to you. And it infuriates me that I can't figure out why."

Remus was staring at him, mouth slightly open. That had to be one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to him, and he was slightly in shock. He didn't really know how to respond. "I…it's complicated. I'd tell you if I could…but I can't."

Sirius nodded. "I just wish I could make him stop."

"I do, too."

"So tell me what's wrong!" Sirius cried suddenly, and Remus flinched. "I could help you, but you won't let me!"

"I can't tell you, Sirius! I've already said, if I could, I would, but I can't! Please, try to understand that."

"Alright." Sirius said, staring at the floor. "I'm sorry. It's your business, and I shouldn't interfere."

"It's not like that! You're not interfering, I just-"

"Save it." Sirius murmured. "Look at the time." He didn't look at the clock, or his watch, but went to get his coat. "I've got to go."

"Al…alright." Remus said. "I'm sorry."

Sirius nodded. "Me too." He let himself out and Remus watched him go, confused and dismayed.

As Sirius walked, he could only feel anger. He hated the idea of Remus suffering under Matthew's sharp tongue and dismissive ways. Sirius wanted to help Remus, because the whole situation, though he would never tell anyone, was breaking his heart.

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**Review, pretty please. Also if anyone has any ideas for better chapter names, they would be much appreciated. 3**

**~~Allie x  
**


	10. A Letter

**Hey guys! Sorry for the wait! First, I've had exams, and second, my laptop screen broke. Bummer. Anyway, I'm back now! Woohoo! I've still got 3 exams left but it's not so bad. **

**Hope you like it. **

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**Chapter 10**

A week had passed, and school had started again. Remus and Sirius had not yet resolved their issues, in fact they had not spoken since Sirius had visited Remus' house.

If Sirius would pass Remus in the corridors at school, he would walk past, without so much as a cursory smile. It was as if Sirius didn't recognise him, it was as if Remus didn't exist at all.

Remus began to dread seeing Sirius in this way. He was so sure that he would have become good friends with the older boy, but yet again his lycanthropy had been the reason they had been driven apart. He fervently hoped that it wasn't too late to salvage what was left of their strange little relationship.

Sirius still walked home with Matthew and Remus. It was a pretty nice set up that they had, Sirius would turn off to head to his own house about ten minutes before Matthew and Remus arrived home, so Matthew could talk and joke with Sirius, with Remus behind them as they walked, trying to join in their conversation. And when Sirius turned off down the road that led to Grimmauld Place, Matthew would wave goodbye and Remus would watch him walk away.

However, since Remus and Sirius' disagreement, the conversation had become somewhat strained. Matthew was aware something had happened, but he wasn't crystal clear on the details. He assumed Remus had done something to upset Sirius, because Matthew knew it was in Remus' nature to spoil everything.

Remus no longer attempted to join in his brother's conversation with his friend. He knew it was a lost cause. Instead he trailed along behind them as they walked, looking a little miserable. Matthew noticed, and said nothing. He wasn't that bothered if his brother was lonely. He was sure he'd get over it, in time.

It was a Tuesday, and the sky was overcast. Grey clouds hung heavy in the sky. "So, Natasha's handling things pretty well." Matthew noted idly, and Sirius nodded.

"Yeah. I thought she'd hate me for much longer than this. I'm glad she doesn't."

Matthew laughed once. "She won't hate you until you start going out with someone else."

Sirius smiled, but it wasn't a real smile, even Remus, from his place a distance behind the two boys, could tell. "You might be right."

Matthew snorted, pretending to be indignant. "As if I've been wrong before." Sirius shoved him playfully, smiling weakly. Remus watched their exchange with wary eyes, as if either of them might suddenly notice him and turn on him. He felt like an intruder, an imposter, but then again that was nothing new.

They walked on in silence for a while, the only sounds being the cars rushing past and a solitary blackbird singing in a hedgerow somewhere. It was quite a nice day, but Remus barely noticed.

"Have you done that History essay?" Sirius asked.

Matthew shook his head. "No. I'm gonna try and do it tonight."

"Well good luck. It's bloody hard." They both laughed, and Remus felt a strong urge to laugh as well, to stop himself feeling so left out. He listened, only half aware of what they were actually saying as Sirius told Matthew what he had written, how much he had written and when the homework was in for.

Suddenly, a flash of white caught Remus' attention. Poking out of the pocket of Sirius' blazer was a piece of paper. It may have been an envelope, and he was so transfixed with it that he didn't notice when Matthew stopped. He walked into him and staggered rather ungracefully backwards.

"Watch where you're going." Matthew chided dismissively, and Remus scowled at him. They had reached the point where Sirius and the Lupins went their separate ways.

"Relax, Matthew." Sirius said, but there was no emotion in his voice. He didn't even look at Remus. "I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

"Will do." Matthew said, and he carried on, not even looking to see if Remus was following him. "Come on, Remus." He called over his shoulder, but Remus couldn't move. He felt like his feet were rooted to the spot, and he could only stare at Sirius as Sirius stared back with emotionless grey eyes.

There were a few moments of silence as Matthew got further and further away. Remus decided he had to say something. "Sirius, I-"

"I've got this for you." Sirius said suddenly, reaching into his pocket to pull out the envelope Remus had noticed. It was blank, and Remus was instantly intrigued. "Don't read it until you get home. If you don't mind." He added. There was still a monotone in his voice, and Remus knew he wasn't forgiven quite yet.

He could only nod and hold the envelope in his hand, unsure as what to do with it. "I will."

"Thanks." Sirius said. He turned to walk away, and then looked over his shoulder. "I'll see you later."

Remus nodded, and then burst into a run to catch up with his brother, jamming the envelope into his pocket as he did so. As soon as he got home he ran up the stairs, two at a time, until he was safe in the privacy of his room. He took the envelope out of his pocket and ripped it open, not having the patience to open it in the conventional way.

Inside was a letter, about two pages long, written in Sirius' neat, cursive writing.

_Remus_

_I've never been good at writing letters. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe it's because I know that this is easier than actually talking to you. I've taken the coward's way out. I just hope you'll read this, because if you don't I won't have the courage to actually tell you all this._

_What you and I have, or had, has always been a little strange. I don't mean it in a bad way. All I'm saying is that if I hadn't known Matthew, I would never have known you. I guess in a way, I'm grateful to Matt for inviting me over in the first place. If he hadn't, I would still be under the impression that he was an only child. I wouldn't have been aware of your existence. _

_When I first met you, I knew you were someone worth knowing. You were so different from Matthew, in so many ways. There was your eyes, and your height, but there was also your love of reading, your wit and your sarcasm. I know that Matthew tells a mean joke, but you have me in hysterics, even when you're saying the simplest of things. I knew when I met you that I wanted to get to know you better, because, and this may sound offensive, though I don't want it to, if I didn't, it would be unlikely that anyone else would. Does that make sense? I hope so. I told you - I'm not good at writing letters. _

_Anyway. I wanted to get to know you, because I felt like no one else would. That about sums it up. I got the feeling that your brother, and maybe even your parents, didn't appreciate you enough. I could see the hurt in your eyes, no matter how much you tried to hide it. I think you may even have been trying to hide it from yourself. _

_I'm not writing to you to try and be poetic, despite what I've just said. This is the important bit. Pay attention, please._

_A while back, I told you that I wasn't happy with my girlfriend. I told you that it was because we weren't getting along, and that I liked someone else more than I liked her. _

_I wasn't happy with her because I like you, Remus. I do. This isn't a joke, or a trick, or anything. This is the truth, and I want you to understand me when I say this. I really like you, probably more than one should like the little brother of one's best friend. _

_I'm not trying to pressure you here. You don't have to do anything, if you don't want to. Or, alternatively, you could tell me that you don't feel the same way, or something to that effect. But, whatever you do, let me down easily. I've put a lot of thought into this, and I'll admit that I am terrified. I was terrified when I gave you this, and as you are reading this, I will still be terrified. _

_Terrified of what, I am still unclear. Maybe I'm scared about telling you all this personal stuff. Or maybe I'm scared you'll reject me. Which you have every right to do, remember - I'm not telling you what to do here. You make the decision. _

_I know that earlier on, you said you liked someone. I'm not going to ask if he was me or if he wasn't, because that wouldn't be fair on you. I'm sorry if I've screwed everything up with this letter, but this is all the truth. And I figured it would be better if you knew the truth. _

_Whatever you decide to do, remember that I'm not going to hate you for it. I'll still be around, I'll still be your friend. I think it would be too cruel of me to just leave you, just because you didn't want to be with me. I really hate how this has turned out. I'm not good with my words, not like you. My words are all fumbling and clumsy, but you know exactly what you want to say. And you say it. There are so many times when I have regretted not saying what was on my mind. _

_I think I've said everything I want to say, just about. If only I knew how to end letters. I really think I'm falling for you._

_Sirius._

That night Remus cried himself to sleep, his world having been effectively turned upside down.

The next day, Sirius met up with Matthew and Remus as usual, and started in surprise to see the red around Remus' eyes, and the paleness of his face. Remus didn't talk to him, or even look at him, and Sirius knew he had ruined everything. It was the same as they were walking home. Remus didn't say a word.

That night, coincidentally, was the night of the full moon, and Remus was so confused, shocked, dismayed, surprised, pleased, that the wolf very nearly killed him.

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**~~Allie xx  
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	11. Consequences

**So, here I am again. Kinda worried that this chapter will be an anti climax after the last one. but whatever. **

**this has hit 30 reviews! yay! then i look at my friend littlelissi who has 600. then i want to cry. so. review. if you want to. it would be quite nice. **

**last GCSE exam tomorrow. then summer! bring it! so expect more frequent uploads. :) **

**Remember - review and you get a cookie. because i love everyone that reviews so so much :)**

**btw i got a review from someone called FanOfFanFiction23 asking about their ages - Sirius is 16 and Remus is 14, nearly 15. :) **

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**oh yeah and i'm not JK Rowling. in case you thought i was. **

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**Chapter 11**

Remus awoke after the full moon and sat up in bed. He instantly wished he hadn't. He put a hand to his head, moaning, and lay back down again. He waited for the throbbing behind his eyes to ebb away and for the room to stop spinning. He stared at the ceiling, trying to remember another time when the moon had been this bad. He didn't think any other time could compare to this. Even his very first transformation, when he had no idea what to expect and had no idea how much fury the wolf would have, wasn't as bad as this. He looked down to assess the damage he had inflicted.

There was a thick bandage across his stomach, and smaller ones snaking around his arms, right down to his wrists. His left knee seemed to be more protruding than usual and he hitched up the leg of his pyjamas to look. There was also a bandage here, and when he experimentally bent his leg a bolt of pain shot through him and he flinched. There was also a throbbing pain in his side, and he placed a hand there to see if he could feel anything. He could not, and he sighed. The room was quite. All he could hear was the occasional rumbling as a car drove past. He wondered how long he had been unconscious, how much he had missed.

He was about to drift off again when his mother entered the room carrying a glass of water.

When she saw that he had regained his consciousness she smiled. "Oh, Remus, you're awake!"

He nodded weakly and half smiled. "What time is it?" His voice was croaky, more hoarse than he would have thought. But then again, a night of agonized howling never did do wonders for the voice.

She glanced at the watch on her wrist. "Half past twelve, nearly."

"So I'm missing school?"

Melanie Lupin's smile faded. "I don't think you'll be back there for a while. You broke a rib, Remus. And you nearly broke your knee." Remus looked away, feeling guilty, as if it were somehow his fault. All that had been so bad before the moon came rushing back to him, like the flood barriers in his mind had broken. He was faced with the truth that Sirius liked him and the fact that he would never be good enough for him. Remus' relatively good mood vanished into nothingness. "What happened? What got you so upset?"

Remus closed his eyes, unwilling to reveal the truth to her. "Nothing. I…I was just stressed out about school."

Melanie sighed. "You've really got to be more careful, Remus. This is just the tip of the iceberg, when it comes to what the wolf can do to you." Remus couldn't meet her gaze and looked away, nodding, almost bashfully. "Alright honey. I'll come back up later, you should try and get some sleep. Maybe then the colour will come back into your face. You look like you've seen a ghost." She walked over to place the glass of water on his bedside table. She leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"Thanks, Mum." He said weakly. He felt a little embarrassed, being treated like a child, but at that moment in time he yearned for some affection, after everything that had happened. He was happy that his mother was there to look after him. She left the room and Remus settled back down, staring at the ceiling until his eyes drifted shut and he fell into an uneasy sleep, full of all the things he would have to face when he returned to school.

"Where's Remus?" Sirius asked. Matthew noted a hint of wariness in his eyes and he frowned slightly, confused.

"He's ill." He lied smoothly, looking down at his work, if only to avoid Sirius' eyes. "Got some bug that's going around." He looked at Sirius with steady eyes, waiting for him to notice his lies. Sirius didn't. He barely noticed anything nowadays.

Sirius nodded and went back to his work. It wasn't exactly challenging, but he couldn't muster enough enthusiasm to do it to his normal standard. "Tell him I hope he'll get better soon."

Matthew nodded. "I will." And that was it for their conversation. It had been that way for a few days now, Sirius had suddenly become very withdrawn and quiet, and Matthew found it increasingly difficult to talk to him like he used to. "We should go into town at the weekend." He suggested compulsively.

"Yeah." Sirius said after a pause, his eyes still on his work. "Sounds like fun." If Sirius' voice was anything to go by, it was clear that it did not sound like fun to him.

Remus had still not fully recovered by Friday, meaning he was not at school for the rest of the week. Nobody, save Sirius, particularly missed him, or even really noticed his absence. On Saturday morning, Remus was able to get out of bed without assistance, surprising him, and he decided that he was feeling remarkably better. Whether he had or had not, in reality, didn't really matter to him. He hobbled, still not fully steady on his feet, down to the kitchen where his parents and his brother were having breakfast.

"Remus!" His mother called, her countenance brightening. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh, just super." He replied sarcastically. As usual, his mother thought he was being sincere and she beamed at him as he sat himself down. He did notice that the dull ache in his side, where his broken rib was, had lessened considerably.

"Any plans for the day, Matthew?" His father asked from behind his paper. It was only small talk, empty words to fill the silence. Remus was sure everyone in the room knew it.

"I'm going into town with Sirius." Remus' ears perked up. He knew he needed to talk to Sirius, to sort everything out, somehow. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to do it, but he knew it needed doing. He wasn't particularly looking forward to it. He decided that he would rather face the full moon again. Now that's saying something.

"Sounds nice." John said, still behind the newspaper. "How about you, Remus?"

Remus cleared his throat. "I'm not doing anything. Still a bit unsteady on my feet." Matthew snorted derisively and Remus raised an eyebrow at him across the table, though Matthew didn't notice.

"Well, have fun."

"I'm sure I will." Remus said, his eyebrow still raised. He really was good at the whole sarcasm thing.

Later on, when Remus saw Matthew leaving, he racked his brains, trying to thing of something that would warrant him talking to Sirius on his own. Eventually he had some half baked plan in his head, though he had no idea if it would work. It was a long shot, but he would try anyway. He couldn't make anything any worse. At least, he hoped that was the case.

Matthew and Sirius were sat on the arms of a bench outside the fish and chip shop. Sirius was taking a dark sort of delight in the disgusted looks they were receiving from the elderly members of the passers by. "Everyone thinks we're vandals, or yobs, or something."

Matthew shrugged, playing with the edge of his jacket sleeve. "Let 'em think what they want." Suddenly he noticed Remus walking up the road towards them, eyes lowered, hands shoved in his pockets, still limping slightly, and he sighed. "Well, my day just got better. What do you want, Remus?" He called as his brother came within earshot.

"Nothing much. It's just that…Mum said she was cleaning our rooms, and that means she'll find the cigarettes under your bed."

Matthew's face turned white. "Crap." He said, and launched himself down the road in the direction of their house. Remus smirked and watched him go, pleased he had moved Matthew's cigarettes, a product of a brief rebellious phase, into full view. He turned to Sirius, his smile fading.

"I read your letter." He said softly.

"That was the idea." Sirius said, his face still expressionless.

Remus exhaled loudly. "I'm sorry. I had no idea you felt that way...but I don't think it's a good idea if we were together."

"Why not?" Sirius asked, a little too loudly.

"Because you're Matthew's best friend. And he hates me. He'd hate you too." Sirius seemed nonplussed. "I'm only fourteen, Sirius. You're _nearly sixteen_."

"Since when has age mattered? Besides, you're fifteen in two weeks. We're nearly only a year apart."

"A year can mean a long time, Sirius."

"You know something? For weeks now, I've been pondering this. I know it must seem sudden, but I've liked you for a long time. I just hadn't realised it 'til now."

"No." Remus said firmly. The hope all but died in Sirius' eyes. "I'd only hurt you. I'm not right for you, Sirius, and I'm so sorry, but I can't. We can't." He turned on his heel and strode off, leaving a stunned, dismayed Sirius awaiting Matthew's return.

Remus managed to get around the corner before a tear ran down his face, surprising him. He wiped it away angrily before he continued on his way. He was in the park, and he noticed a bench in the shade that looked particularly inviting. He had no where else to go at that moment in time.

He sat down, his elbows on his knees, his hands dangling in between. He sighed and stared at the ground between his feet. He watched as another tear fell, staining the ground a darker grey.

It was quite a windy day, and Remus' hair was blowing across his face and getting into his eyes. He sighed and looked up, intent on brushing the errant hairs out of his face. He saw two mothers watch their children playing on the grass. He saw a couple walk hand in hand along the road. He sighed and his gaze fell back to the floor.

As he watched the tear stained floor become steadily more and more tear stained he felt himself grow angry. Why was it always him? Nothing in his life seemed to work out, but why? He didn't know what he could have done, in this life or any other, that could warrant such a heavy penalty. He was saddled with an inhuman curse, he was rejected by his brother, patronised by his parents, and now he attracted his older brother's friends? The gods must be laughing, he decided.

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**Review and make me feel loved. I'm so lonely. :3 **

**~~Allie xx  
**


	12. Black Eye

**Hi folks. So. Summer has started for me. :D It was sunny for about...2 days...and now it's cloudy again. Ahh well.  
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**Just want to say thanks for all the reviews. I adore you all. Have a cookie. **

**I get the feeling that I may have gone too far with this one...but give it a chance, will you?**

**Warning. Swearing. :3  
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**Chapter 12**

Remus sat on that bench for a while, and eventually his tears stopped. He wouldn't call it crying in the conventional sense, seeing as he just watched quietly as rivulets of salty tears streamed down his face, unbearably hot and uncomfortable against his skin, and he watched as they dripped off his cheeks, his chin, his nose, and fell to the ground.

Suddenly a shadow fell across his vision. He looked up to see three boys, older than he, stood there. They were tall and each very different in appearance. One was incredibly skinny, his dark brown hair flying all over the place. The other was burlier, more lanky, with a scowl on his face. The other was perfectly ordinary looking, and there would have been nothing sinister about him had it not been for his eyes, that were incredibly pale blue, and in that blue shone a streak of cruelty and dark pleasure. Remus shuddered. The wolf inside him instantly realised he was cornered, surrounded by these boys and trapped by the park bench. He felt his heart rate pick up and his eyes widen.

"You're Lupin's brother, aren't you." The skinny one said, and Remus swallowed. It wasn't a question, he knew he couldn't lie.

"What of it?" He asked, trying to sound confident and haughty, but the quiver in his voice gave him away. The lanky one chuckled.

"We know Lupin. He's an alright bloke." The ordinary one with the cruel eyes said, crossing his arms. "Says a lot about you." Remus knew he was doomed. He held the boy's glare with calm eyes. Inside he was anything but calm. "Says you're weird."

"Matt says a lot of things." Remus said, having better control over his voice, managing to keep it even and controlled.

"So you go to that private school?" Remus nodded cautiously. They laughed. "I thought it was only the posh idiots that went there. What, do they teach you Latin there?"

"Probably."

"Probably?" The skinny one asked, stepping closer. "You mean you don't know? I thought you lot were meant to be smart?"

"Smarter than you." Remus murmured. He internally cursed the sarcastic, apathetic side of him, wishing for once that he knew when to shut up.

"Well, that's not very nice." The ordinary one said, grinning. "I would have thought that posh school would've taught you some manners."

Remus raised an eyebrow, unable to stop himself. He stood up, still smaller than all three of the boys."I'm afraid that's just an outdated stereotype." He muttered, as if it would change things. Suddenly there was a searing pain in his cheek and he stumbled back, clutching his jaw. The skinny one withdrew his fist.

"Shut up. We didn't come here to talk." Remus' face lost all colour and he looked around him desperately, looking for some means, any means, of escape. He was trapped, and for once he wished he had some sort of super werewolf strength that would help him overcome them. The wolf, however, retreated to the back of his mind, and he realised he was only a fourteen year old boy.

The area was deserted of any person who might rescue him, and he was starting to get scared.

The skinny one punched him again, right on the side of his jaw and Remus whimpered in a distinctly canine way, stumbling back. The ordinary looking boy laughed. "Look at that. He's like a scared little puppy." The lanky one laughed and suddenly swung his fist into Remus' face, narrowly avoiding his nose, hitting him squarely in the eye. Remus cried out and staggered back, tripping over something that might have been somebody's foot, and fell to the ground.

There was a jarring pain in his ribs as a foot made contact with his side, inches away from his original werewolf bite. The skin there was more sensitive and more tender, and unfortunately Remus only found this out as another well aimed kick landed on his bite scar. He yelped and screwed his eyes shut, as if it would block out the pain. Suddenly, one of his attackers said, "Oh, shit…" He opened his eyes to see the three of them looking in one direction, and he saw, though one of his eyes was swollen to the point that it was nearly closed, someone walking towards them.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The figure yelled. He came into full view and Remus groaned. Of all the time for his brother to show up voluntarily, it would be now. He scrambled into a sitting position. "Why are you picking on my brother?" They had no answer, and the other two glanced to the ordinary one with the cruel eyes who was evidently the ringleader of their little group.

"Just passing the time, Lupin." He said casually. Matthew stormed up to him and swung his fist back, punching him hard in the face. Remus almost laughed, surprised and the tiniest bit amused.

"Get out of here. Don't pick on him again. Go on, piss off!" He cried, and the lanky one snorted but they ran off, the ordinary one clutching his nose which had started to bleed profusely. Matthew sighed and crouched down beside Remus, examining the rapidly forming black eye.

"How is it?" He asked.

Remus stared at the ground and shrugged. "I've had worse."

"That's true." Matthew said, as he helped Remus back to his feet.

"Thanks." Remus murmured, as they began to walk back home. Matthew had wrapped his arm around Remus' waist, supporting him, having discovered that Remus had twisted his ankle really rather badly.

"It's nothing." Matthew replied after a silence. He seemed to be consciously making an effort to keep his eyes off of his younger brother.

"Really, I mean-"

"I said, it's nothing." Matthew hissed.

"Alright." Remus said, frowning off in another direction. "Where's Sirius?"

"Went home." Matthew said, looking at Remus' busted lip. "Said he wasn't feeling well. It makes sense, when you think about it. He's been off for ages now."

Remus went bright red and looked at the floor as he walked. "What made you come into the park?"

Matthew almost laughed. "No one I know yelps like that. I could hear it a fair way away. I'd seen those guys going in that direction, and I know that's where you go sometimes when you're all depressed." Remus shoved him feebly, but didn't say anything. "Did they hurt you?" Matthew asked after a few moments of silence. Remus looked at his brother, almost disbelieving what he was hearing.

"Not that badly. The wolf gives me worse." Matthew groaned softly at the mention of that hated being that had changed Remus' life, not to mention those of his brother and his parents, so irrevocably and irreversibly. "I'm sorry to bring it up again." Remus muttered, glaring at Matthew out of the corner of his eyes. "Sorry my lycanthropy is such an annoyance to you."

"It's not that!" Matthew cried.

"Oh yeah? What is it then?"

Matthew looked at Remus, his anger fading, realising he had no answer. No answer that made sense, at least.

"If you hate me so much," Remus said angrily. "Why didn't you just let them finish what they started?"

Matthew glared at him, eyes narrowed. "Look. Just because I hate you, it doesn't mean I want you dead, alright?"

"Oh, Matthew!" Remus sighed, clutching his heart dramatically. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me!"

"Shut up." Matthew said, letting go of Remus, forcing him to limp behind his brother, trying to keep up.

They walked, or hobbled in Remus' case, home. Clouds hung heavy in the sky, dark grey and ominous. Remus didn't know how he hadn't noticed it before, but now the scent filled his nose, almost overpowering him. He could easily smell the storm approaching. "Gonna rain." He said idly, if only to make conversation.

"Hmm." Matthew said, not looking over his shoulder. He just pulled his jacket closer to him.

A few seconds later, Matthew heard Remus call, "Put your hood up." He complied, and a few seconds later the heavens opened. He watched as Remus' hair became dark brown and plastered to his face.

Matthew gestured to him to keep going, so they could get out of the rain. "You're soaked!" He shouted to Remus over the sound of rain mercilessly pounding against the pavement and the roofs of cars.

"So?" Remus said, blinking rapidly as water ran down from his hair and into his good eye.

Matthew groaned and kept going.

They arrived home a few seconds later, and for a while they stood just inside the door, breathing heavily, both of them watching water run from Remus' hair and onto the floor.

"Mum?" Matthew called suddenly, making Remus jump.

Melanie Lupin appeared, smiling. However, as she took in Remus' appearance her smile faded. "What happened?"

"I got beat up." Remus said simply.

"By who?"

Remus just shrugged, flinching violently as he was suddenly enveloped by his mother's arms. She noticed his unconscious reaction and let go of him. "Are you alright?" She said.

Remus shrugged again. "I've been better."

"Oh, God, look at your eye!" His mother cried, as if she had only just the unsightly bruise forming just above his eye. She took a step forwards, arms outstretched, and Remus jerked and stepped away. "Remus, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just…" He looked at Matthew, who just shrugged, toeing off his shoes. Remus watched as Matthew wandered into the living room. "Sorry. I'm going to take a shower." Remus said.

"Wait!" Melanie called. Remus felt hands on his shoulders as his mother tried to remove his coat. He jerked violently like he'd received an electric shock and he let out a rather unmanly yelp.

"Don't!" He cried, his voice agonised. His mother took a few steps back, with a look of something akin to heartbreak on her face. "Please…" Remus whispered, removing his coat himself. "Don't touch me. Not just yet."

He gave her the coat and retreated up the stairs. She could only watch him go, her cursed, beaten, broken son. As soon as he was out of earshot she let out the tearful sob she had been holding in and she sank to the floor.

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***cowers* Any good? Please keep reviewing. Because I love you. :) **

**~~Allie xx  
**


	13. Admittance

**Howdy y'all! So, it's summer, and the sun's out, and I'm in a bloody good mood, despite the fact that it's 08.59 and i should still be asleep. ha. Anyway. **

**I'm aware my updates are a bit sporadic...i'll figure something out...eventually.**

**Thank you so so much for all your reviews. You don't know how happy I get when I see 'FF Review Alert' in my inbox :)  
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**Enjoy. :)**

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**Chapter 13**

Over the next few days, things were tense in the Lupin household. Since his attack, Remus had become increasingly on edge, flinching and jerking away whenever anyone came near him. It broke his mother's heart every time he jumped as she approached. It was like he regarded her as an enemy, or worse still, a stranger.

She would come to wake him up in the morning, to find he was already out of bed, having woken up ridiculously early in the morning and found it impossible to get back to sleep. He didn't really want to eat much, and he made as little contact as he could with his family. The thing that frightened Remus the most was the impossible fear of not knowing what it was they would do to him when he upset them. When he disappointed them. And there was a lot about him that would disappoint his parents. A lot about him that would anger his brother. His family had every reason to turn on him, just like those boys in the park had done. He felt like he was beginning to distrust his parents and his brother, as if everything they had said to him up until now had been a lie. He felt like they would suddenly reveal the truth. However, he didn't know what that truth might be, and it frightened him.

Because of this, he was constantly on edge, always alert, ready to protect himself if anyone should lash out at him. However, he mistook his mother lashing out at him for his mother trying to pass him a glass of orange juice. It looked like he was unable to differentiate someone attacking him and someone performing perfectly innocent actions, yet he didn't seem to be able to correct himself.

Melanie Lupin had serious doubts as to whether she should let her son return to school, if this was the reaction he suffered when people were around. On the other hand, she thought that maybe being surrounded by so many people his own age would help him recover. However, this didn't seem to be very sensible in her mind. She just didn't know what to do, worried that the wrong decision might make Remus even worse.

Matthew wasn't exactly happy with Remus' new reactions, either. He would wake in the dead of night to hear strange, almost canine noises, like someone was kicking a puppy. He would sneak into his brother's room to see him writhing violently, pain written across his face, his mind locked in some nightmare. With each yelp and each keening sound, Matthew grew more agitated. It wasn't normal for Remus to be making such noises, but then again nothing about Remus was particularly normal. It disturbed Matthew to see such canine noises coming from his younger brother. He would slam the door as he left his brother's bedroom, meaning Remus would jerk awake and breathe heavily in the darkness, wondering what had woken him. After a few days he figured out it was Matthew's agitation and anger that had woken him, and for that he was oddly grateful, because it meant he was offered a chance to escape his nightmares. The only problem was that after Remus had been so rudely awoken, he could not get back to sleep, meaning he would lie awake, staring at the ceiling, listening to every tiny noise that the house made as it settled in its foundations. His frightened, wary mind told him that each sound meant an intruder, someone in the house that was not welcome there.

When Melanie Lupin went to wake him in the morning she would find his sheets drenched with sweat and vicious, dark circles under his eyes.

Eventually, Remus' father put his foot down. Remus couldn't stay in the house instead of going to school any longer, because it was evident that he was not getting over what had happened to him and he was still acting like his parents wanted to hurt him. He was acting like everyone wanted to hurt him. He needed to get out of the house, because it could only make him better, or so his father assumed. In John Lupin's mind, there was a niggling part of his mind that told him there was a flaw in his logic, but he tried to ignore it.

Therefore, Remus found himself walking to school with his brother on a drizzly Thursday morning. When Sirius joined them, as he did every morning, Remus kept his eyes on the pavement, not even daring to look at anyone. Sirius was angry with him, he thought. He had made Sirius angry. Therefore, Sirius wanted to hurt him as well.

Sirius was, to say the least, surprised by Remus' actions. He found it unsettling that Remus was trailing so far behind them, more than he normally did. A few times, Sirius stopped and looked over his shoulder, but Remus looked up at him through his fringe and stopped also. It meant that Sirius never got close enough to him to talk to him. And he knew that he needed to talk to him. To make sure everything was still alright between them. Even though Remus had turned Sirius down, the older boy was keen to make sure they could still remain friends. He knew that if he abandoned Remus now, then he would have nobody, and Sirius couldn't face doing that to someone, least of all Remus.

They reached school in silence, and for much of the day, for Matthew and Sirius at least, it remained that way. Rumours spread like wild fire through their year group that they had fallen out, but the truth was that Sirius was contemplating too much about what he had noticed on his way to school, and Matthew was just too tired from waking up every night to try and silence his brother.

Remus spent every lesson in silence, hardly daring to do anything that might cause the teacher or any of the students to get angry with him. He did his work, handed in his homework, did everything in complete and terrified silence. If anyone approached him, or passed him in the corridor, he would stare at them with wide eyes. Everyone enquired about his black eye, asking if he was alright, but he tried to avoid all contact with his classmates, to avoid talking to them. It was easier that way, and as he sat at the back of the classroom, the only noise the scribbling of pens on paper, he felt a little more at ease.

When the bell rang to signify the lunch break, Sirius sighed and rubbed his eyes. He hadn't paid attention at all during the lesson, and he got the feeling that he had missed something that he might need to know later. At that point in time, however, he couldn't bring himself to be particularly bothered. He was making his way across the grass of the Quad, back from the French classroom to his own classroom when he noticed Remus out of the corner of his eye. There was something different about his face, but Remus passed him so quickly that Sirius could not make it out.

"Remus, wait!" He called, turning to catch up with him. He put his hand on Remus' shoulder, trying to making him stop and turn around.

Remus jerked away from his touch and spun around on the spot to look at Sirius with hostility in his amber eyes. Sirius' mouth fell open and he stumbled back. His eyes were fixed on the unsightly swelling and discolouration around Remus' right eye. It was not swollen to the extent it had been, but it was enough to make people whisper and laugh behind his back.

"What do you want?" Remus asked angrily.

"_Jesus Christ_." Sirius murmured. "What happened?"

"None of your business." Remus said, glancing around to check Sirius' wasn't cornering him. Unconsciously, and unfortunately for Remus, Sirius had managed to trap him in an alcove, one of many that lined the stone walls of the outside of the main school building. Behind Remus and on both sides of him was brick wall, and in front of him was Sirius, blocking his only exit. Panic spiked in his veins and he backed up against the wall. Sirius didn't notice.

"Of course it's my business." Sirius said angrily, hurt that Remus thought so little of him. "Did Matthew do this?" He asked in a softer voice.

Remus' eyes cleared for a moment, thinking of how his brother had rescued him. He was still a little bit grateful. "No."

"Then who?"

"You don't know them."

"Them? There was more than one?"

"Yes." Remus muttered. "Look, it's nothing. I just got beat up, or something equally cliché. Can you let me go now?" He shifted his weight from foot to foot, and he could feel the wolf behind his eyes getting agitated.

"Remus, what's wrong?" Sirius asked, anger dissipating. He gently placed a hand on Remus' shoulder.

Remus shrugged it off violently. "Don't touch me!" He said, louder than he probably should have. Sirius took a few steps back, hands raised in surrender.

"Alright. Look, I'm not touching you." The rational, logical part of Sirius' brain told him that Remus was on edge because of being beaten up, or whatever had happened to him, but he could not help feeling a little insulted by that way Remus shunned him away so fiercely. "Just, calm down, okay?"

Remus glared at him, though it was mostly likely from the slight panic he was feeling. "Calm down? Why should I? It's me that nothing goes right for, not you! You have no idea what it feels like."

"What _what _feels like?" Sirius was getting bewildered, and if the flush in Remus' cheeks meant anything, so was he.

"What _everything _feels like. I'm a freak, a weirdo, Matthew doesn't forget to tell me on a regular basis. Those guys had every reason to hit me. And so do you. So does anyone. Who's to say it's not going to happen again?"

Sirius understood. "Oh. Remus, I-"

"No! Just listen to me! I'm terrified right now, because I'm sure you're going to hit me, and that would be fine, because I deserve it!"

"You do not deserve it!" Sirius yelled, and several people behind them stopped to look at what the commotion was. "I don't know why in the hell you can't see that!"

"You're wrong! I do deserve it. I deserve it for being such an awful brother, I deserve it for turning you down, I-"

"Wait." Sirius interjected suddenly. "What did you say?"

"I didn't want to turn you down." Remus said. He was so far gone with hysteria he could barely tell what he was saying anymore. "I like you, I really do, but we can't be together and it's my fault, and I made you sad so I deserve to get beaten up because I…I…" He looked up at Sirius with wide, fearful eyes when he realised what he had said. Sirius could only stare back. He felt like he was frozen, unable to move a muscle. "To hell with Matthew." Remus murmured, looking at the ground. He had calmed down a considerable amount, and Sirius could only assume that was a good thing. "I don't care if he hates me for this. Or if he hates you for this. And you're right. A year isn't such a long time. My dad's three years older than my mum. They're very happy."

Sirius' mouth fell open and he blinked repeatedly. "You mean all that?"

"Yes."

"Are we talking about the same thing?"

"Yes."

"Are we going to regret this?"

The answer was instantaneous. "No." To the surprise of the both of them, a tear rolled down Remus' cheek. "I think I'm going into shock." He murmured.

"I'd let you." Sirius said softly. Remus looked up at him and took a step forward. It had started to rain, but neither of them had noticed it. All of the other students currently outside ran back inside to take shelter, meaning they were on their own, out of the way of prying eyes.

Remus gingerly placed a hand on Sirius' arm, and he almost squeaked when suddenly Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around Remus, and Remus could only laugh nervously and a little hysterically into Sirius' hair, and he tightened his hold on the older boy.

There was a small part of his mind that was worried about what his rash decision and his fumbling admittance would mean, but at that point he was too far gone to really care.

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**...well? Tell me what you think :)**

**Much love :)  
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**~~Allie xx  
**


	14. First

**Howdy. So this...I'm really not happy with this one. i suppose i should put a slash warning on this one...but this one really embarrases me. Okay, I'll admit, I think that this is really cheesy and rubbish. But you'll tell me, won't you? You'll tell me if it's rubbish or anything, right?**

**Please do. **

**Not JKR. Duh. **

**PS Yay for longest chapter so far! :D  
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**Chapter 14**

Matthew Lupin was confused. Maybe that was an understatement. This morning, when he was making his way along the road, he noticed how far Remus trailed behind him, how low he kept his gaze. Matthew knew this was the bad effect of Remus' harassment, and he was doing his best to ignore it. But now, as he headed home with Sirius, he noticed how his brother held his head high, despite his unsightly black eye. He even smiled. Matthew wasn't sure why, but when he looked at Sirius, Sirius was looking at Remus. It was all very confusing. He'd waved goodbye to Sirius, as he usually did. Remus did too, a small smile on his face.

Remus had arrived home after school to see his mother standing in the doorway, as if she had been waiting for him. He realised she was and, rather awkwardly, walked up to her and wrapped his arms tightly around her. He breathed in her perfume that was so perfectly familiar, that reminded him of when he was a little boy and he was scared of the thunderstorms that raged outside. His mother would scoop him into her arms and hold him close until he fell asleep. Just smelling her perfume, it brought back so many memories, and Remus revelled in the feeling of it.

"I'm sorry." He murmured into her shoulder. "I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm just…I'm so sorry."

"It's alright, darling." His mother whispered, her voice oddly quiet and strained. "I'm just so glad you're better."

When he let go of her he realised he'd stained the shoulder of her shirt with his tears, and he laughed embarrassed when she noticed. After all, he was fourteen, nearly fifteen. Fourteen year olds don't cry into their mother's shirts.

The next few days passed in a blissful haze. Remus saw Sirius on the way to and from school, and sometimes in the periods during lessons. However, they found it was impossible to spend any time alone together for a good few days.

"Matthew Lupin. Did you really think you could get away with this?"

"Sort of."

Matthew Lupin was not the most well behaved boy in school. So the fact that he had been caught trying to forge his father's signature so that he could go on a school trip was hardly surprising. His teacher had just sighed, rubbed his eyes, and placed Matthew in a detention, namely one that took place after school.

Matthew was outraged, of course. However, there was a tiny part of his brain, a part that on the whole he mostly ignored, that told him that the situation was partly his fault. He had forgotten to give the form to his father in time, so at the last second he had grabbed a pen and wrote what was, in fairness, a rather good attempt at his father's signature. He was sure he would get away with it, but that hope was shattered fairly quickly.

"This sucks." Matthew muttered to Sirius, who was sat beside him, absently doodling on his exercise book. His hair had fallen over his shoulder, shielding his face from Matthew, who found it rather hard to speak to him when he couldn't see his face

"Don't worry about it. It's only one night." Sirius replied, concentrating on the little drawing on his page.

"Thanks." Matthew muttered sarcastically, slumping in his chair.

"I don't know what you expect me to say, Matt." Sirius glanced at him and grinned. He had been doing that all day, for the past few days in fact. Matthew was quite glad that Sirius had become his usual self again, but he felt like Sirius was more distracted that normal, as if there was something more important that was always on his mind.

"Stupid detention." Matthew muttered petulantly. He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at the teacher. Sirius huffed a laugh and Matthew jabbed him with his elbow, causing Sirius to draw a line across the intricate doodles he had been creating. Sirius was about to retaliate when the teacher turned to look at them. Sirius put on his best innocent expression. The moment the teacher's back was turned, Sirius hit Matthew, hard, on the back of the head.

Matthew grinned. He had missed this.

"I guess you'll have to walk home on your own tonight." Matthew said during lunch. Sirius looked up at him from across the table with an expression that suggested he had just realised something huge.

"Oh yeah." He said quietly. "I won't be on my own. Remus'll be there, right?"

"Walking home with Remus?" Matthew muttered. "You may as well be on your own." He went back to eating, but a grin had come onto Sirius' face and he sat like that for quite a while.

At one point during lunch, Sirius had caught sight of Remus across the room, and he had held his gaze until Remus had blushed and looked away.

Remus had just left the gates of the school and he was walking along the main road when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He turned to see Sirius stood there, grinning his head off, his grey eyes practically shining.

"Afternoon." Remus murmured. It had been nearly two weeks since he had been assaulted, and thanks to his werewolf metabolism, his black eye had cleared remarkably quickly. He was almost grateful for it.

"Hi." Sirius said softly, sounding a lot less confident than his expression would suggest. "Nice day?"

Remus looked at him funnily, wondering why Sirius had asked such a question. Eventually he shrugged. "Not bad. You?"

"Dull. But it's getting better."

As Remus smiled at him his face became steadily more flushed. They walked in silence for a few minutes, until Remus felt Sirius' hand accidentally brush against Remus' own. Or maybe it was purposeful, Remus wasn't sure. He was sure, however, that he felt something akin to a current of frantic electricity rush through him during their brief contact. He looked up at Sirius, an eyebrow raised, and Sirius smiled back down at him, almost expectantly.

"I don't know what you want me to say." Remus said eventually, when it became clear that Sirius was going to just continue grinning at him.

"You don't have to say anything." Sirius said brightly. "I just like walking with you."

Remus blinked. "Well then. By all means, continue." Sirius laughed, and Remus couldn't help smiling, even if it was at his own words.

"You know." Sirius said after a few moments of oddly comfortable silence. "Since I first realised you'd be walking home with Matthew and I…I've always looked forwards to the end of the day. I was never sure why."

Remus smiled. "Do you know why now?"

Sirius flashed him a grin. "I have an inkling."

Remus felt a jolt of something in his heart. It was an incredibly nice feeling to know that someone was eager to see you. To know that someone waited for the time when they could see you again.

It was strange, Sirius noticed, but around Remus he didn't feel the need to fill the silence with inane chatter. He felt like he didn't have to try and be someone he wasn't, he felt like he could be himself, he felt like he could relax.

As they walked, Sirius kept his eyes on Remus, as much as was possible. However, after he had nearly walked into a tree he decided it was a fairly good idea to glance to see where he was going every now and again. Remus suddenly glanced at Sirius, and then looked over his shoulder down the empty street. "You missed your turning."

"I know." Sirius said, anticipation and excitement barely concealed in his voice.

Remus frowned sceptically. "You're following me home?"

The older boy raised an eyebrow. "You don't want me to?"

Remus blushed. "I didn't say that." As he walked he kept his eyes on the ground, his head lowered. It was out of habit more than anything else, over the years he had learned to make himself almost invisible when he wanted to be. Sirius, however, didn't want him to be invisible.

Sirius reached out, and hooked his little finger around Remus' own. Remus looked at their hands, then at Sirius, then back at their hands. A half smile spread across his face and he decided that he rather liked the touch of Sirius' skin, soft and warm.

When they reached Remus' house, all of Remus' fingers were entwined with all of Sirius' own. Remus was getting rather paranoid that someone would see them, but as luck would have it there was no one out on the pavement and very few cars drove past.

"Oh." Remus said softly. "My parents are home." He said, noticing the cars in the driveway. He looked at Sirius, who stared back, not quite knowing what the problem was, and hoping that it was what he was thinking it was. "Come here." He tugged Sirius by the hand around to the side of the house, which was hidden from view from all the rooms in the house. Remus and Sirius both knew that no one could see them here.

Sirius leaned back against the brick wall of the house, looking at Remus with steady eyes.

"I've...I've never kissed anyone before, Sirius."

Sirius smiled. "Don't worry. I'll teach you." They laughed, nervously and breathlessly, and Sirius said, "Come here." He reached out to place his hands on the sides of Remus' face. The skin beneath his fingertips was soft, and he could feel the heat radiating from Remus' blush. He looked into Remus' strangely beautiful amber eyes and he laughed softly. The sound was rather high pitched and he cleared his throat, blushing.

Sirius bent his head down to kiss Remus on the cheek and then on the corner of his mouth, his eyes falling lazily shut. He took a deep breath and drew back. Remus was watching him with wide eyes, but was not protesting, not by any stretch of the imagination. Suddenly, a flash of courage surged through his veins and he wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck. It was quite a stretch, Sirius was quite a bit taller than Remus, and he had to bend down while Remus stood on tiptoes. Sirius laughed, a smile tugging at his lips, before without further hesitation, he leaned down to press his lips to those of his best friend's brother, and he decided that it was the best feeling in the world.

Remus didn't really know what to expect. This was his first kiss, and despite the fact that he was ecstatic and rejoicing loudly in his mind, he didn't really know what to do. Sirius' lips were soft against his own, and he watched Sirius' eyelashes flutter against his cheekbones. Remus found he was unable to close his eyes to the whole thing. Suddenly, and all too soon, as it seemed to Remus, Sirius broke away from him, keeping his face close. All Sirius could see were Remus' almost golden eyes, and he smiled.

He kissed the younger boy again, holding the sides of his face almost reverently. Everything about Remus was an exquisite barrage on his senses, and he was sure he was starting to feel dizzy. He felt Remus tangle his fingers in his hair, tugging gently, and without being able to help himself, he grinned, breaking away from Remus.

Sirius glanced at his watch. "As much as I'd like to stay, I have to get home. My brother's waiting for me." He smiled apologetically, and he was sure Remus could tell he really didn't want to go. He could tell that Remus didn't want him to go, either.

"Alright." Remus said breathlessly, sounding a little disappointed. He seemed rather dazed.

"Listen," Sirius said, growing more serious. "I doubt you would in the first place, but we can't tell Matt about us."

Remus nodded, staring at his feet.

"I wish that we don't have to be so secretive, but we do. The world's not very accepting when it comes to things like this, not to mention Matt." Sirius shuddered as he imagined the wrath that could be inflicted on him if it was learned what he was doing with Matthew's little brother.

"Yeah." Remus agreed quietly. "Don't worry. We'll be careful, right?"

"Right." Sirius said softly, his smile gone. "This, what we have here, is too special to risk. I don't want to lose you over something like your brother finding out. We'll make sure he doesn't."

Remus nodded, a little saddened. Sirius hugged him, feeling Remus' chest rise and fall with each breath. "I'll see you tomorrow morning." He promised softly.

Remus made a noise in the back of his throat that could have been an agreement, and Sirius chuckled softly. "Hey now. Don't get all depressed on me." He cupped the side of Remus' face with one hand, forcing him to look up at the older boy. "I've really got to go now." He kissed Remus again, swiftly, fleetingly, and he smiled. "Bye."

Remus waved half heartedly as he watched Sirius turn the corner and vanish out of sight. He wished that the good mood he had been enjoying was still around, but it had vanished, to be replaced by a feeling of worry, guilt and dread, caused by the idea of Matthew finding out about Sirius and Remus.

The idea of Matthew taking Sirius away from him was one image that Remus couldn't bear to keep in his mind.

Matthew arrived home an hour later after his detention with a sour look on his face, muttering venomous things under his breath. The first thing he encountered when he walked through the front door was Remus with a faraway look and a lopsided grin on his face. That did not improve his mood in the slightest.

Late that night, and as hard as he tried, Remus found he could not get to sleep. It wasn't a bad thing though, far from it. Instead of trying to get to sleep, he was grinning into the darkness as he remembered the sensation of Sirius' lips against his own. He realised that he was acting exactly like the silly, love struck teenager that he was, but for once he allowed himself to get carried away. He found himself to be incredibly impatient for the morning to arrive, for the sole reason that he would see Sirius again.

As the sun crept over the horizon, Matthew awoke and sat bolt upright in bed, and ran his hand through his fair hair. He was trying to think what was so different, and then he realised that he had slept through the night. Remus had not woken him up with his nightmares. He had slept soundly through the night, and Matthew was relieved, and almost glad that his brother was no longer being tormented by his own mind. But only a little bit glad. Just a little bit.

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***cowers* **

**And...? What did you think? I hope I haven't let you down or anything. **

**Review because I love each and every one of you.**

**~~Allie xx  
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	15. Revelation

**Hi there! So, next chapter's here. Obviously. Ahem. Anyway, moving on! just want to say thank you so much for all of your reviews, you gorgeous people. :)**

**I'm afraid that after this there won't be an update for a while, because on the 9th I'm off to France for two weeks...but i'll update as soon as I get back!**

***in this chapter, time has passed since the previous one* enjoy! x  
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**Chapter 15**

Regulus Black looked up at his brother across the breakfast table. "What's got you in such a good mood?" He asked suspiciously. He had every right to be wary. Sirius was grinning into his cereal, and he was in an oddly good mood, considering that he was anything but a morning person.

"Oh, nothing." Sirius said, still grinning.

"Really." Regulus said, not convinced. "Well, if you say so."

"I do say so." Regulus rolled his eyes.

"Are…are you going to your friend's house tonight?" He asked quietly.

Sirius thought about it and shrugged. "No, I don't think so." Regulus visibly brightened. Sirius glanced at the clock. "You should go, unless you want to miss your bus."

"You're right." Regulus downed his glass of orange juice, waved to his brother once and grabbed his school bag, heading for the door. Sirius laughed and watched him go until he heard the front door close. Ten minutes later, when Sirius had finished, he put his bowl by the sink and yawned, stretching his arms. As he was about to leave, he stopped by the foot of the steps. Not that she usually did, but their mother had not been downstairs that morning. Sirius wondered if something was wrong, but eventually decided she was just sleeping in.

"Goodbye Mother!" He called up the stairs, not worrying if he woke her up. He left before he could get an answer. He didn't need his mother to spoil his mood.

Unfortunately, his mother did not spoil his good mood. School did that for him.

Sirius really hated school, sometimes. He hated how one moment, everything would be fine, and the next thing he knew, he found himself drowning in coursework and due dates. He hated how his homework kept him up late at night so the next day he was grumpy and too tired to pay attention to anything. He hated how he couldn't spend time with Remus because he had homework and coursework and god knows what else to do as well.

On top of that, Matthew was getting increasingly hard to avoid. He seemed to have gotten his act together, to some extent, because the number of detentions he received decreased considerably, meaning he was always around when Sirius and Remus really didn't want him to be. Whenever they wanted a moment alone together, Matthew would always show up and Sirius would have to invent new ways of explaining why they were both out of breath and red in the face. It was really starting to get on Sirius' nerves.

For Remus it was worse. He was in the year below Sirius, but his workload was not nearly as bad as Sirius'. This meant that half the time, while Sirius was busy with work, he had nothing to do, and could only wait for the phone call that told him that Sirius was free. He didn't mind though. He found himself perfectly willing to drop what he was doing, if it meant he could leave the house and see Sirius. It wasn't hard for him to invent reasons as to why he was going out, as his brother didn't care, and his parents seemed like they would believe anything he told them.

Recently, however, the times that he had been able to see Sirius had become more and more infrequent, and sometimes it would be a fortnight before Remus was able to see his boyfriend. He still thought that it was strange that he could call Sirius that. Not only was there the fact that Remus thought he would be one of those people who would just remain single forever, it was also because he was still having trouble fully believing that this was _Sirius_ who willingly wanted to see him.

Remus didn't think that anyone as attractive and charismatic as Sirius could fall for, well, for someone like him. He was, in his eyes, ordinary. He didn't think he was appealing in anyway, so he was constantly amazed that Sirius wanted to be with him. When he and his brother met up with Sirius, as they always did, he grinned brightly at him. He realised with a jolt of some as of yet unnamed emotion that he had missed Sirius considerably. Sirius grinned back at him, and with that simple gesture, for Remus, everything seemed to get a bit better.

"Where are you off to, then?" Sirius asked, glancing at Matthew, who was clad in his own clothes instead of his uniform, with a pair of wellingtons in a plastic carrier bag.

Matthew shrugged, staring at the ground as he walked. "I have no idea. The countryside."

"And here I was worrying you'd be vague." Sirius said, shoving Matthew playfully with his shoulder. "Well. It makes me glad I don't take Geography any more."

"Shut up. It was alright at the beginning, when we were just colouring in some random maps. But now we're off to the middle of nowhere to count lichens on trees, or something stupid like that." Matthew scowled.

Sirius laughed, and Remus, from his place a few steps behind them, chuckled quietly. "What, you're going to look at _moss_? On _trees_?" Sirius asked. Matthew nodded petulantly. Sirius almost doubled over with laughter.

"You know what the worst bit is?" Matthew said when Sirius had finished. "It's like a two hour drive, so we're not going to get back to school until really late." A light bulb may as well have illuminated over his head because it seemed like Sirius lit up as an idea struck him. He grinned, and when Matthew wasn't looking, he glanced over his shoulder at Remus. He smirked, and Remus turned bright red, understanding what Sirius was getting at.

When they arrived at school, Matthew put on his wellington boots and begrudgingly joined the rest of the field trip party. Sirius watched him go with a smirk.

"Yes." Said a voice from behind him. He turned to see Remus stood there, looking oddly nervous. "You can come round, if you want." Sirius smiled. "That was what you were asking before, wasn't it?"

"Yes." Sirius grinned. "I didn't know if you'd understood."

Remus smiled wryly. "Oh, trust me. I'm actually very perceptive."

Sirius laughed. "I'll see you after school." He placed a hand on Remus' shoulder, and squeezed it in a rather intimate and oddly comforting gesture. "Bye."

Remus watched him go with a dazed smile on his face, before he made his way to his own classroom.

As if on purpose, the day passed entirely too slowly for Sirius' liking. He sat in his lessons, lonely without Matthew, impatient for the end of school. At lunch, he smiled when he noticed Remus wasn't sat on his own as he ate his dinner. Although he didn't want to, he always felt slightly sorry that Remus didn't have a friend, like Sirius had Matthew.

Sirius continued staring at Remus talking to whoever it was, until Remus noticed him and pulled a face for no real reason. Sirius laughed, earning himself a few curious looks which he ignored, and returned to his food, all the while feeling Remus' gaze upon him, burning like a searchlight.

Slowly, eventually, four o' clock arrived, and the bell rang shrilly, signalling the end of the day. Sirius shoved his things into his bag eagerly and set off to find Remus. He found him in the locker room.

Remus was shoving the large bag containing his PE kit into his locker, getting frustrated by the fact that it would only just fit in. When he was satisfied that he could close the door fully, he did so, and nearly jumped a foot in the air when he saw Sirius on the other side of the door, leaning against the lockers nonchalantly, smirking.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Sirius laughed once and pushed himself away from the lockers. "You're not that old."

Remus shrugged. "You don't have to be old to have a heart attack."

"I did not know that." Sirius said, inclining his chin, as if in deep thought. "But, do, go on. I am _so _interested."

"Shut up." Remus muttered, shoving him playfully. Sirius just grinned cheekily.

They made their way out of the main gates of the school slowly, watching other pupils walk past them, some talking, some laughing, some horsing around as younger schoolchildren are prone to do. Eventually, the amount of students they saw became less and less until it was just the two of them walking down the quiet suburban street. "I've missed you, Remus." Sirius admitted. He shoved his hands into his pockets, keeping his eyes on Remus, who was a little ahead of him.

Remus looked at him oddly. "You spoke to me this morning."

Sirius rolled his eyes, exasperated. "You know what I mean. I miss it just being the two of us."

"Oh yeah." Remus said, smiling sheepishly. "I've missed you, too." Sirius smiled fondly at him. Remus cleared his throat. "Matthew is ridiculously hard to get rid of."

"Hmm." Sirius agreed. "But never mind. He's not here now, right?"

"Right." Remus nodded. He glanced down at the floor. "You know your shoelace is undone, right?"

"It is? One minute." Sirius crouched down to tie up his lace.

"I just remembered." Remus said, crossing his arms casually, gazing at something nondescript down the street. Sirius looked up at him. "They told me this morning, but I completely forgot 'til now. My parents have gone to visit my aunt and uncle."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, finished tying his lace and stood back up. "Interesting." He said after a silence.

"Very." Remus agreed, as they continued on their way. There was silence for a few moments, until Remus said, "Hey, tell me something. All of the time, you come back to my house…don't your parents wonder where you are?"

Sirius shrugged and shook his head. "My father's never there. My mother hardly ever notices I'm gone. It's my brother who misses me."

Remus nodded. "Doesn't he get annoyed that you're always home late?"

"I guess so. But he's thirteen. He has his own friends, he should make plans, or something." Sirius realised that he had promised his brother he would be home on time that day. Guilt shot through him like he'd been stabbed with a blade. To make matters worse, when he thought about it, he didn't actually know the names of any of Regulus' friends. Regulus had spoken about them, and Sirius tried to remember their names but he couldn't. He wished he had paid attention, because he knew how it felt to be ignored by his parents. He knew the feeling of worthlessness and inadequacy. His mother would never want to listen to Regulus' stories. Sirius was the only one who actually wanted to hear them, and recently he had hardly ever been home to be able to listen. He frowned and looked down at his feet.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked him.

"Yeah." Sirius said absently. "Fine."

They reached Remus' house in a rather strained silence, and neither boy found it particularly comfortable. Remus unlocked the door and they both dumped their school bags in the hall unceremoniously.

As Remus was toeing his shoes off, he noticed the despondent look on Sirius' face. "Really, Sirius. What's wrong?"

Sirius shook his head, staring at the ground, and Remus walked over to place a hand on Sirius' cheek. "Start smiling." Remus ordered softly. "Or I'm kicking you out."

Sirius, despite his guilt, felt a smile spread across his face. "Sorry. I'll cheer up. Promise."

Remus looked at him like he was stupid. "Damn right you will." As Remus hung up his blazer, Sirius raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Someone's awfully bossy today."

Remus grinned wryly. "Would you like something to drink?" He asked, a little more seriously.

"I'm alright, thanks." Sirius walked over to Remus and took one of his hands, bringing it to his lips, kissing Remus' knuckles softly. "It's been too long."

Remus raised an eyebrow, despite blushing at Sirius' actions. "It's been a week." He said softly. He leaned in to kiss Sirius. "I think," -kiss- "that you," -kiss- "are just," -kiss- "impatient."

"Must you keep talking?" Sirius whispered, his lips brushing against Remus' ear as he spoke. Remus shivered.

He found he could only shake his head. A shy grin spread across his face. Remus reached out with a pale hand, and hooked it around the back of Sirius' neck. He pulled him back down so their lips met again. Remus really couldn't explain what he felt when they kissed. He despised the cliche that stated that it felt like electricity, but as he felt the slightest pressure of Sirius' tongue on his lower lip he felt something he could only describe as akin to a jolt of something, like a current was being passed through him. it made him feel rather breathless, just thinking about it.

Without breaking their contact, Remus walked Sirius through to the living room, away from the front door and two large windows either side of it. He didn't like the fact that just anyone could look in and see them.

Before Remus knew it, or could really do anything about it, Sirius had pushed him down onto the sofa, and had straddled his stomach so he was leaning over him, smiling down at him. Remus was sure that he had turned bright red by now, surprised by Sirius' sudden and rather forward actions. His heart was going a mile a minute, his eyes were wider than they had ever been and there was a very odd feeling in his stomach. Content just to stare at him, Remus tangled his fingers in Sirius' soft black hair. He idly noticed it was long enough to tickle his neck even when Sirius was leaning over him. He wondered how his mother let him grow it so long. He then realised that Sirius' mother didn't really give a damn about him. A wave of protectiveness swept over him as he pulled Sirius back down to kiss him.

Eventually, oxygen became a bit of a requirement and Sirius broke away from him, grinning and breathing heavily. He sat himself down at the other end of the sofa and beckoned for Remus to sit up next to him. He grasped Remus' hand, looking at their entwined fingers, noticing how well they fit together.

With his free hand, Remus ran a hand through his hair. They were sat in easy silence, and for no particular reason Remus placed a kiss on Sirius' cheek. He rested his forehead against Sirius' shoulder, smiling. Sirius turned to kiss the top of Remus' head.

Remus sighed happily. "You know something?" He asked softly.

"Hmm?" Sirius said, equally as quietly, comfortable in the encompassing silence that had fallen over the two of them. The sun was setting, and the room was filled with yellow light. Squares of light were shining thorough onto the pale carpet, sunlight dancing through the windows, and Sirius felt warm, and safe.

Remus swallowed. "I think I'm in love with you, Sirius."


	16. Close Call

**So change of plan - I'm off to France tomorrow, so i thought i'd upload this just before i go. Enjoy :D**

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**Chapter 16**

That was not the response Sirius had been expecting. His fingers that had been clutching Remus' hand uncurled, becoming rigid and unmoving. His eyes wide, he turned his head and stared at Remus for several agonising minutes. Remus, in the meantime, screwed his eyes shut, turning his head away, waiting for Sirius' outrage and rejection. None came.

Sirius laughed suddenly, the sound almost giddy, making Remus jump. He turned around to face the older boy, who was grinning. "Yeah. Course." Sirius said. His fingers curled around Remus' again. "I love you too. Of course I do. I have done for months now." Remus let out a relieved, shaky breath and he smiled nervously.

"Thank God for that." Remus whispered quietly. "You…you had me going for a minute, there."

"Sorry, Rem." And he kissed him again.

"You're calling me 'Rem' now?" Remus asked, eyebrows raised, a hint of a smirk on his face.

Sirius' smile faded. "You don't like it?"

"No, it's not that. I mean, I don't mind it. It's just that no one's called me that before."

"Well, it's about time."

Remus shrugged. "Fair enough. What can I call you, then?"

"Sirius." The older boy replied instantaneously.

"I can't abbreviate it?" Remus asked, pretending to be crestfallen.

Sirius shook his head. "No."

"Please?" Remus asked. If there was an award for puppy dog eyes, he was pretty certain he would win it.

"No." Sirius smiled to himself, knowing he was annoying Remus.

"Well, whatever." Remus said, standing up suddenly. "I wasn't all that bothered in the first place." He grinned as he walked from the room. Sirius stood up to follow him.

"Where are you going?" He called to Remus, who was ascending the stairs.

"I'm just going to get changed. Help yourself to a drink, or whatever. I'll be right back." He winked at Sirius, something he had never done to anyone before. He grinned and continued up the stairs, a little shocked as to the change that had come over himself. Still, he decided, it was hardly a bad change.

When Remus had changed out of his school uniform and into more comfortable clothes, he was making his way back along the corridor when he felt hands cover his eyes. He shrieked in a rather unmanly way and spun around to see Sirius laughing at him. He scowled and glared at him. "Were you hiding, or something?"

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe. It was worth it to hear _that_." He laughed again, and Remus punched him in the arm, but there was not real force behind it.

"The way you treat me is just shocking." Remus said. "I don't know why I'm still with you, really." Sirius stopped laughing and stared at Remus in bewilderment. "I'm kidding, you dolt." Remus said, his eyes softening. Sirius' shoulders visibly sagged with relief and he smiled.

"I thought you were being serious, just then."

Remus laughed and took his hand. "I love you, remember?"

Sirius nodded. Remus tugged Sirius along by the hand back into his bedroom. He leaned against the wall, and Sirius grinned at him, as if it was going out of fashion. Remus reached out with his foot to slam the door shut. He kissed Sirius with a fair amount of force, smiling jubilantly.

Sirius smiled too, and pulled Remus close to him, laughing all the while.

"I love you." He whispered, just because he could.

Remus grinned. "I love you too."

Remus had been waiting for much of his life for someone to say that to. And now, here was Sirius, as eager to say it as he was. And Remus did. He really did love Sirius. There was a small part of his mind that told him that it all might be too soon, but Remus tried to ignore it. He couldn't ignore the racing of his heart when he looked at Sirius. He couldn't ignore the fact that he waited to see Sirius smile at him in that way that made him feel weak at the knees. He couldn't describe how incomplete he felt when Sirius reluctantly left him, with promises of tomorrow on his lips. So yes, maybe it was all too soon. But Remus knew what he felt. And it felt a lot like love to him.

Remus mused that it would only be as Sirius' hand was edging its way up his leg that Matthew would come thundering up the stairs. The sound of Matthew's shoes stomping along the corridor made Sirius throw himself to the other side of the room, frantically trying to smooth down his hair and straighten his uniform. Remus was doing likewise, praying that the blush in his cheeks would fade, _fast_. The door to Remus' bedroom burst open. "Hey, I-" Matthew jumped when he saw Sirius. "Sirius? What you doing here, mate?"

"I..." Sirius looked at Remus with wide eyes. His mind was frantically scrambling for plausible explanations. "Remus wanted help..." He swallowed hard. He glanced down quickly and noticed his hands were shaking. "He wanted help with some homework. History. And since you don't take history anymore..." He smiled weakly, deflating slightly. Both Remus and Sirius were praying that Matthew wouldn't notice the crumpled duvet, or Remus' jumper that Sirius had flung carelessly on the floor.

Eventually Matthew shrugged. "Whatever. I don't know why you'd want to help _him_ out anyway." He shot Remus a mean look. Remus stared patiently back at him, waiting for Matthew to see through their lies.

Sirius stood up from the desk chair he had been sat on, feigning nonchalance, walking towards Matthew. "Matt, don't..." He placed a hand on Matthew's arm, as if holding him back from doing something he'd regret. It was a warning, at least in Sirius' mind. He almost hoped that Matthew would get the hint. "We're finished, anyway. Right, Remus?" He left Remus no time to answer. "Come on Matt; let's go to the park, or something. It's pretty boring here. I'll see you tomorrow, or something, Remus." Matthew shrugged at Sirius' request, and walked away down the hall. Sirius surged forward to mouth the words '_I'm sorry_' at him before vanishing down the corridor after Matthew.

Remus had to punch his pillow a few times to stop him shouting out in annoyance. He couldn't explain the sudden anger he felt. Maybe it was due to the fact that, once again, Matthew had stopped them from doing what they wanted. Or maybe it was the way that Sirius spoke so dismissively to him, like he was just an acquaintance or even just a stranger. Of course, Remus knew it was to stop Matthew from raising suspicion, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt. He didn't like to be treated by Sirius like he was just Matthew's little brother, instead of being treated like the person he was. And who was he? He was the boy Sirius loved. Remus thought Sirius would have remembered that.

_No_. Remus thought. _Stop being so damn ridiculous. Sirius was _lying_. So Matthew wouldn't find out. Stop thinking he did it on purpose. _

When he heard the front door close, signalling Matthew and Sirius' departure, he went downstairs to fetch his school bag. He brought it back to his room, where he proceeded to do his homework.

The silence in the room was unnerving, and Remus worked with a scowl on his face. His writing began to grow faint as he realised the ink in his biro was running out. Eventually, his writing became nothing more than indentations on the paper, and he growled in annoyance and snapped the pen in half with just one hand. He watched the plastic casing splinter and shatter on his paper. He sighed and swept up the shards, and took them to the bin. There was a slight stinging pain on his palm, and when he examined it, he realised that his hand had been cut and it had been caused by a tiny piece of plastic from his pen. He watched a tiny drop of blood seep out from the cut and run down his palm, and eventually down his wrist. He tried to wipe it away, but only succeeded in smearing it, a dark red stain across his pale skin. He shuddered. The sight was far too familiar for his liking. He walked to the bathroom and stuck his hand under the tap and turned the water on, wincing as the cold hit him.

As the blood was washed away, he looked at himself in the mirror. He saw the anger, clearly written on his face. He watched as his expression calmed, his eyebrows smoothed out, the anger in his eyes dissipated.

As he stared at himself he idly, and rather vainly, wondered what Sirius saw in him. His hair was getting a bit long, his fringe was getting in his eyes. It frustrated him, but he wasn't really doing anything about it. There were bags under his eyes, but then again there always were. They got more evident the closer he got to the full moon, so right at that moment they weren't that bad. His eyes were a bit on the large side, and his chin was a bit too pointy for his tastes. He scowled at his reflection in the mirror with distaste, before he noticed the end of a vicious looking scar poking out from underneath his shirt collar. His mouth fell open in horror, and he wondered how he had not noticed that it was visible when he had put the shirt on.

Had Sirius seen it? He could only fervently pray that he had not. Remus then realised, with crushing disappointment, that he could not let Sirius see any one of the myriad of scars that covered his thin body. If Sirius did see them, he would be disgusted with them, just like Remus was. If Sirius saw them, he would leave Remus for sure, thinking him abnormal, a freak.

And that's what he was. A freak. His brother had told him that enough times for him to know by now that it was true.

Sirius walked along the road, hands shoved in his pockets, barely listening to what Matthew was telling him about his day. It wasn't that he didn't want to hear, it was just that he had other things on his mind.

He could vividly remember the look on Remus' face as he told him he was leaving with Matthew. He looked like he had just been told that Christmas had just been cancelled permanently. It hurt Sirius to think of it, to see those wide amber eyes full of such disappointment and such anger.

There was a part of Sirius' mind that told him that Remus had no right to be angry with him. His lies had averted disaster. Remus should be grateful. It wasn't like Sirius wanted to go out with Matthew just then, but he had no choice. So why should Remus be angry? Sirius felt annoyance stir within him.

"Matt." He said, interrupting Matthew's story. He wasn't even sure what he was talking about in the first place. He guessed it was more complaints about the school trip he had just undertaken that day. "Listen, it's getting late, I should probably head home."

"Alright then." Matthew clapped him on the shoulder jovially. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Sirius nodded, barely listening, and set off in the direction of Grimmauld Place. He walked briskly and made it home relatively quickly. As he closed the front door behind him, he could hear the sound of his mother's heels on the tiled floor. The sound was getting louder, so Sirius quickly leapt up the stairs, two at a time, until he was safe in the confines of his room. He leaned against the door, running a hand through his hair. Suddenly there was a knock and Sirius nearly leapt a foot in the air. He opened the door cautiously, and sighed with relief when he saw Regulus standing there.

"Hi." Regulus said simply.

"Hey, you." Sirius said.

"You've been out late."

"Yeah." Sirius said, looking at the floor. "Sorry about that. I was out with some…" He cleared his throat. "Friends."

Regulus nodded. "Fair enough. Do you…I mean, are…never mind." Regulus shook his head, shrugged and made his way along the corridor, back to his own bedroom.

"Reg, wait!" Sirius called, catching up with him. "What were you going to say?"

Regulus looked reluctant but eventually gave in. "I was just wondering…if you're going to be out late all the time from now on."

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Oh. I…no, not if you don't want me to."

"It's not that…I was just wondering. That's all."

Sirius ruffled his brother's hair, and Regulus scowled playfully at him. "If you say so." Sirius said. When he was in the doorway of his bedroom, he turned to Regulus. "But, seriously. If I'm staying out too much, tell me, yeah? I don't want you to be lonely, or whatever. And I'm sorry…I said I'd be home early today but I wasn't…sorry." He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

"It's okay." Regulus said, nodding. "And thanks."

Sirius smiled, and retired to his room. He wondered if Remus was still angry with him. He wondered if he was angry at Remus because of it. He wasn't quite sure. He did know, however, that evading Matthew was only going to get more and more difficult.

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**Reviewingtons!**

**Yes, it's a real word. Look it up.**

**~~Allie xx  
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	17. Later

**Hi! Or should I say, bonjour! I'm back from France and slightly tanned! Yay!**

**I'm sorry this chapter's so short, but i tried my best. these chapters (excluding this one) are getting longer, i swear!**

**enjoy!**

**x**

**PS sorry for the crummy chapter title. i didn't know what else to put.  
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**Chapter 17**

The next day, and Sirius decided he wouldn't wait for Matthew and Remus, instead he'd make his own way to school. He didn't feel much like waiting for them, because he knew the atmosphere between Remus and himself would be tense and awkward. He wanted to make sure Remus wasn't angry with him, but he concluded that he needed time, to figure out what he was going to say. He wasn't exactly sure why Remus was angry at him, therefore he didn't really know how he could make it right. He just needed time to choose the right words.

Sirius was sat in the classroom, flicking through his Biology textbook, only because he had nothing else to do when the door opened and Matthew came in, laden down with his sports kit and his school bag. He dumped them unceremoniously on the floor with a clatter and a happy sigh of relief. He sat on Sirius' desk, staring down at him, head tilted in confusion. "Hey, where were you this morning? I was waiting for ages."

Sirius shrugged and looked up at him. "I wanted to get here early." He smirked, closing the book in his lap. "For a change."

"Oi!" Matthew said. "We don't get here that late." He stopped to think. "Do we?"

"Not really. But you're not the fastest of people." Matthew scowled at him, before grinning and sitting down next to him.

"So, I-" Matthew glanced at him and shut his mouth. "Never mind." He was going to ask Sirius again about yesterday, because in his mind, it didn't seem normal. Why would Sirius willing go to help Remus with his homework? Surely Remus had his own friends who could help him? And why did Sirius look so unsettled when he came in? It didn't seem right to in Matthew's mind. But then again, maybe he was overreacting. As much as he didn't like to admit it, Sirius was Remus' friend. He was just doing what friends do. Matthew decided he wouldn't ask Sirius any more about it. He just smiled reassuringly at Sirius as the teacher walked in and the room fell silent.

Their first lesson was Games. Sirius hated sports with a passion. Especially when it was cloudy, and it was definitely going to start raining any minute. He shoved his hands into his pockets, jogging on the spot to warm up. He scowled in the direction of school, where the students inside would be warm and dry when the rain started falling. "It's freezing." Sirius muttered. Matthew nodded, rubbing his hands together for warmth.

"It's meant to be summer. Well, nearly summer. Where the hell's the sun?"

Sirius grinned. The teacher approached them, looking far too cheery for his own good. "Come on, don't just stand about! You're playing football. Get going!"

Sirius groaned and they both trudged off reluctantly to the football pitch, hands in pockets, their dragging feet sending gravel flying as they crunched down the path.

As they walked, Matthew sighed. "Can't we play cricket?" He asked, pouting only ever so slightly.

"Oh, cricket!" Sirius exclaimed in an incredibly aristocratic voice. Matthew noticed vaguely and with amusement that it almost sounded similar to Sirius' normal speaking voice. "How very English!"

"You are English, you idiot." Matthew said, giving him a shove. Sirius just laughed, and there followed a period of silence. "Anyway, stop whining." Matthew said eventually. "You're good at football."

Sirius shrugged.

They were on the same team, of course. They always were. It wasn't that they didn't have any other friends, it was just because they worked best together as a team. They themselves wouldn't admit to that, but it was true. Their team won, 4-2. Matthew would have pinned the victory on Sirius, who had scored three of the goals. Sirius just grinned and rubbed the back of his head bashfully as praised rained down on him, mostly from the female proportion of the team.

Matthew had noticed how Sirius no longer seemed to take an interest in the girls in their year. He could make a girl swoon with one charming grin, one toss of his hair over his shoulder. He liked the attention he received, but Matthew had noticed that the times when Sirius would try and make the girl sat behind him blush bright red became less and less frequent. He seemed less interested in them, and it perplexed Matthew. Maybe it was because he had his eye on someone, and didn't want to playfully flirt with anyone else, as he usually did. Still, Matthew, ever the optimist, concluded that it just meant that there were more girls for him to flirt with.

Matthew had also noticed that Sirius' ex-girlfriend, Natasha, had for some reason warmed up to him again. There was once a time that she could not even stand to be near him, but now she seemed more willing to sit near him in lessons and laugh at his jokes. It confused Matthew, because he didn't know what Sirius had done to make Natasha start to like him again. He wondered if he was trying to win her over and get her back, but Matthew didn't think this was the case. He saw the way Sirius looked at Natasha. There was nothing in his eyes that said he wanted to be anything more than friends. Matthew was almost doubly sure that Sirius had his eye on someone. He was oddly eager to meet the lucky girl.

It had started raining halfway through the football match, and the next day Matthew had come down with a rather nasty cold and was not at school. This was quite a surprise for Sirius, when he was greeted by Remus, who was on his own. The temptation to press Remus against a tree and kiss him soundly was great, but Remus was still annoyed with him though neither boy quite knew why.

Therefore, they walked to school making do with strained conversation, and a ridiculously tense atmosphere.

At lunch time, Sirius was sat with a few other friends that he and Matthew had made during their time at the school. Of course, having only attended since last year meant that these were all Matthew's friends, and Sirius sometimes felt like he was a bit of an outsider, but they were all friendly, and he didn't think it was that bad, really. One boy in particular could rival Matthew for his sense of humour. His name was James Potter, and he had a head of unruly, jet black hair and brown eyes that frequently shone from behind his glasses. Saying this, Sirius had noticed that it was only when James was plotting some dastardly scheme did his eyes shine from behind his glasses. And maybe that's why Sirius enjoyed his company so much. Because he put so much attention and pride into each prank he pulled. He didn't care that he got detentions as often as he changed his socks, he only cared that his operations had been successes. Sirius was sat beside James, half listening to the conversation when a shadow fell across his food. He looked up and smiled gently. "Remus." He greeted him softly, his hand itching to reach out and take Remus' hand in his own.

"Sirius." Remus said, trying to conceal his own fondness for the older boy. He was supposed to be mad at him, though he didn't quite know why. He knew there was a flaw in his logic, but he stuck to his principles. "Can I-" His voice broke and he cleared his throat. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows, his mouth open as if about to say something. He closed it again, before grinning. "Sure." He turned to the boys seated next to him. "Guys, don't steal my seat." They looked at him with matching expressions of innocence and Sirius stood up, satisfied. He followed Remus out of the lunch room, looking over his shoulder to see his seat already filled by James, who seemed to love doing anything that would annoy Sirius. He sighed, exasperated. Remus stopped in an empty alcove bordering the Quad, the wide patch of grass used primarily for sunbathing, mainly by the female students of the school on especially sunny days. Remus felt safe in the alcove, there was ivy on the walls and they were in the shadows, which were considerably colder than the sunlight.

Remus cleared his throat. "As you know, Matthew isn't at school today, he's ill. Which is why I was wondering, if, you know," T_o hell with being angry with him_, Remus thought as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I was wondering if you'd come home with me. I found this meadow thing not far from my house. It's pretty nice." _I sound like such a ponce_, he thought inwardly, and rather angrily. _A meadow? Really? Who describes anything as a meadow anymore? It's just a field, for God's sake._

Sirius broke into an almighty grin, and Remus was sure he saw his shoulders sag with relief. "I'd love to."

Remus brightened, and he realised that he had been worried that Sirius might have turned him down. "The weather's said to be nice all day. We could go to mine and get something to eat beforehand." Remus smiled warmly and Sirius took Remus' hands in his.

"For you, Remus, I'd do anything." He grinned in a rather suave manner and leaned down to press a kiss to Remus' lips, safe in the shadows of the alcove. "Hey, I thought you were angry with me." He said bluntly after they'd drawn apart.

Remus smiled, embarrassed. He stared at his feet as he spoke. "I'm sorry I was so tetchy. If it wasn't for you, Matthew would have definitely guessed something was going on. I don't think I'm clever enough to think up excuses like that as quick as you did. I don't know why I was angry. Wasn't even your fault." He shrugged, a little embarrassed. "Sorry about that."

Sirius chuckled, showing he had no hard feelings. The days he had spent being annoyed with Remus didn't seem to matter anymore, now that Remus had set things straight between the two of them. He looked at Remus, and wondered how he had stayed angry with him for so long. "It was Matthew's fault, I suppose."

"Hmm." Remus nodded in agreement. He reached up with one hand and caressed the side of Sirius' face tenderly, a wry smile on his lips. Sirius' knees felt weak, and he found the whole sensation rather intoxicating. "I suppose I should thank you for your quick thinking."

"Not now." Sirius said, holding Remus back as the younger boy leaned in to kiss him. Remus' face fell but Sirius just grinned wickedly. "Later." He smiled. "Thank me later." He said, leaving Remus with a chaste kiss on the cheek. Remus blushed bright red, stood alone in the alcove, watching Sirius leave. As a consequence, he found it very hard to concentrate in the rest of his classes.

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**mwahaha. what's with the evil laugh, you ask?**

**...i'm not sure. *facepalm***

**review, because i love you. ^_^**

**~~Allie xx  
**


	18. Thank You

**Hey guys. Sorry for the wait :) I'm still not sure about this chapter. You will tell me if it's crap, won't you? I sure hope so. :)**

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**Chapter 18**

As the bell rang, signalling the end of school, nothing could take the smile off Remus Lupin's face. Even as he looked over the rather excessive amount of homework he'd been set, he refused to be put down. Because his brother was in bed nursing a cold, his parents were at home nursing Matthew's cold and Sirius was his for the evening.

Remus had been looking forward to the end of school since lunchtime, when Sirius had kissed his cheek in the shadows with promises of 'later' on his lips.

"_Hmm." Remus caressed Sirius' face tenderly, a wry smile on his lips. Sirius' knees felt weak. "I suppose I should thank you for your quick thinking."_

"_Not now." Sirius said, holding Remus back as the smaller boy leaned in to kiss him. He grinned wickedly. "Thank me later."_

Remus wondered if Sirius had been as impatient as he had for the end of the day to arrive.

Sirius had, coincidentally, found it very difficult to pay attention to most of his lessons. Twice did the teacher call upon him to answer a question, and both times he was caught staring into space with a dreamy and rather dazed smile on his face. Each time he had turned bright red and desperately tried to remember the question before his teacher placed him in detention.

Because of Matthew's absence, Sirius had to find other people to sit with in lessons. One boy that he had his lessons with, a tall, skinny boy with a mop of unruly black hair and a pair of glasses, was James Potter and Sirius found that he had the most amazing sense of humour.

Sirius remembered the first time he introduced himself to James, early in his first year at the school. Sirius, despite the way he could make charm ooze out of every word he spoke, found it quite nerve wracking to talk to people he didn't know that well. He dreaded that moment of awkwardness after he introduced himself, and he waited for the other person to say something. But with James, it was not like this at all.

"_Hi, you're James, right?" James nodded at him. "I'm Sirius Black."_

_James cocked an eyebrow. "Sirius Black? Lord, what a name."_

_Sirius shrugged. He would have been offended if it were not for the grin on James' face."I get used to it. My parents have…a funny sense of humour."_

_James nodded, as if he understood. Sirius thought, rather darkly, that very few people could actually understand his parents. He was pretty sure that he and his brother were not among those people. "Well, Sirius Black. It's good to meet you." And James had shaken his hand enthusiastically, grinning all the while because he knew how ridiculous he was being. Sirius was grinning for the exact same reason. _

During the lunch break, Sirius stopped watching the rain fall past the window and noticed James across the room, sat at his desk. He walked over, tapping James on the shoulder.

James turned and smiled widely. "Well, if it isn't Sirius Black. What brings you to my neck of the woods?"

Sirius looked around him. "Your neck of the woods, meaning your desk?" He spoke in a rather unimpressed tone.

"Well…" James glanced down at his desk, which, like many others, was covered in graffiti that had been etched into the wood by previous students. "It's not a bad desk." He patted it, in a manner similar to that with which one would pat a good dog.

Sirius laughed. "I just came to ask if I could sit next to you in Chemistry? It's just that Matthew's away, and I don't really want to sit on my own."

"You would look rather pathetic." James conceded. After a moment's thought he shrugged. "Yeah, sure. You'll be a better lab partner than Peter over there." He nodded in the direction of a rather portly boy with blond hair who was scrambling through his school bag trying to find something.

Sirius grinned. "Cheers." He said, and James just nodded at him, smiling. Sirius found his mood had improved rather considerably.

Sirius waved goodbye to James as he left the classroom, his school bag in tow. Outside, the rain had stopped and the sky had cleared, and the city was bright and sun soaked. Sirius smiled.

Remus closed his locker door with a bang, and jumped to find Sirius stood on the other side of it, leaning against the locker nonchalantly. He clicked his padlock shut and smiled. "Hey, Sirius." He said, sounding rather dazed.

"Hey, honey." Remus blushed bright red at the term of endearment and gave Sirius a playful shove. Sirius just grinned, unabashed, glad he had set off that particular reaction. "Are we off then?" Sirius asked, fingering the strap of his school bag.

Remus swallowed. "Yeah." He paused for a second. "Yeah, let's go." They left school side by side, and every now and again Sirius' hand would brush against Remus', and Remus would jerk his head to look at Sirius, and Sirius would jerk his head to look at Remus. They'd both blush and look away. Sirius would smile privately when he'd turned his gaze away from Remus. He idly wondered if Remus had felt the same jolt of electricity when their hands had met. Or maybe he'd just imagined it. He wasn't sure.

When they reached Remus' house, he signalled to Sirius to be quiet, not that he was being loud in the first place, and opened the front door. He poked his head around the door frame. "Mum?" He called, peering into the hall. He jumped when his father appeared in front of him, his nose red and a cup of steaming tea in his hands.

"Your mother's gone out to the shops, we were out of painkillers." John Lupin sniffed.

"Are you ill too?" Remus asked. Out of sight to John, his hand was signalling wildly for Sirius to disappear around the corner of the house, so he was out of sight.

John smiled weakly. "Yeah. They sent me home from work. Your mother will be home soon, did you need her for something?"

"Umm, no," Remus said, rubbing the back of his head, feeling a little calmer now that he was sure that Sirius wasn't visible to his father. "Just saying hi. I'm...I'm going on a little walk, on my own, you know, just to clear my head and all that. Is that okay?"

His father nodded, barely noticing Remus' rambling. "Of course. I don't want you catching this bug, especially since the full moon's in a few days and-"

"Dad!" Remus hissed, eyes looking to the corner of the house that Sirius had just disappeared around. "Don't say that! The...neighbours will hear!"

John looked around at the empty street. "Nonsense." Remus frowned at him. "Anyway, I'm going to bed, before I collapse here in the hallway."

"Tell Matthew I said hi." Remus called impulsively as John headed up the stairs. His father just chuckled.

Remus sighed in relief. He called for Sirius softly and the dark haired boy returned, evidently not having heard the previous conversation. Reassured by the fact that both his father and his brother were safely tucked up in bed upstairs and were not likely to venture downstairs, Remus led Sirius through to the kitchen.

He went to one of the cupboards and opened the door. He stood on his tiptoes, reaching right up to the very top shelf, which was quite high up. Sirius was just about to ask if he wanted any help when Remus said in a triumphant voice, "Aha!" He brought his hand back down, holding a bar of chocolate. Sirius frowned in confusion and Remus smiled, embarrassed. "I've got a sort of secret chocolate…stash. For some reason, no one thinks to look there. It's perfect."

Sirius just grinned, ruffling Remus' hair on impulse. Remus just laughed as he tried to smooth down the waves of soft tawny hair that had been disturbed by Sirius's hand. Remus led Sirius out of the house, and along the street until they came to a narrow alleyway. It was in shadow, and ivy was growing up each side of the alley. Sirius was dubious but Remus just laughed at him and set off down the passageway. Rather reluctantly, Sirius followed and soon found himself in a large field that bordered onto the street of houses where Remus lived. Remus took him through the field and across another, before coming to stop at the top of a field full of long grass blowing gently in the wing.

"So. Here it is." Remus gestured to the field before them, an embarrassed smile on his face.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Wow." It was beautiful, in truth. It was vast, sloping at one end downwards, towards a small wood. The grass was long and looked soft, it was the sort that if you laid down in it, it would leave an imprint of your form long after you had left. The grass was a golden sort of colour, and it matched the pinky-orange sky perfectly. "This is really nice. How did you find it?" He asked.

Remus shrugged. "It was ages ago. My father insisted we went on a walk, and we just stumbled upon it by accident. No one ever comes here. So, I've claimed it as mine." He grinned.

"Good choice." Sirius commented softly. "Where shall we sit?"

Remus pondered it for a moment. Eventually he shrugged. "You choose."

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. "I love it when you're helpful." After a while, his facial expression softened. "Alright," Sirius said, walking a few paces, before turning on his heel to face Remus, sitting down in the grass. Only the very top of his head was visible to Remus. The younger boy laughed when Sirius called, "Here is good!" Remus joined him quickly, and lay down beside him. The dark haired boy had chosen well, they got a perfect view of the soft, delicate clouds floating across the darkening sky, which was a warm orange colour. Sirius folded his arms under his head, closing his eyes. "This is nice." He said quietly, a smile of contentment on his face. Remus watched him for a while. He watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He watched a wisp of his soft hair blow around his face in the slight breeze. In the orange light he seemed so perfect, so unattainable, but here he was, right in front of Remus. He smiled, laying down next to Sirius so he was also staring up at the sky.

"Are we allowed to be in this field?" Sirius asked suddenly, making Remus jump.

Remus shrugged. "Not really. But, if you're quiet, we'll be alright."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow, smirking. "You'll have to be quiet too."

Remus frowned slightly, but there was a serene smile on his lips. "I always am."

Sirius laughed gently, conceding. They were silent for a few moments but Sirius' eyes opened when he heard the snap of the bar of chocolate as it was broken in half. "You better be planning on sharing that." He murmured sleepily.

"Of course." Came Remus' reply, and Sirius grinned at the sky. Remus shared it out, and by the time he had finished, it had melted on his fingers, making them both laugh. Sirius watched with an amused expression as Remus licked the chocolate off his fingers, without realising that a bit had dropped onto his shirt and was steadily melting, staining the material. Eventually, sated on chocolate, they both lay back down in the grass, staring at the wisps of cloud that journeyed across the sky.

Remus turned to Sirius and watched him for a few moments, before leaning forwards to kiss Sirius' cheek. "I never thanked you properly, earlier. For averting all that danger. So, thank you." He said, kneeling beside Sirius, who was looking at him with round, grey eyes.

"Come here." Sirius beckoned, and Remus leaned down to press his lips to Sirius'. Sirius rolled them both over, so he was suddenly on top of a surprised Remus. Remus' eyes opened wide, before he growled softly and flipped them over again. Sirius broke away in shock. "Did you just growl?"

Remus' heart missed a beat. All the blood drained from his face. "Did I?" His voice came out much higher than he had planned for it to. "I…I mean, I didn't mean to, it's just one of those things, you know, and I-"

"Don't look so nervous," Sirius grinned. "I though it was sexy." Remus blushed and kissed him again.

Before long they were both out of breath and grinning into the crooks of each other's necks. Remus' fingers were tangled in Sirius' hair, and Sirius' hands were placed precariously on Remus' hips. As Sirius was in the process of producing a rather large love bite on Remus' neck, a wandering hand found its way under the bottom of Remus' shirt.

Instantly, the extremely content feeling Remus had been enjoying disappeared. His hand extracted itself from Sirius' hair and shot down to grab Sirius' wrist, halting its movement. Sirius broke away from Remus, breathing heavily, his face flushed. "What is it?" He asked breathlessly.

"Nothing." Remus said. "It's just…when I was younger, a dog bit me." After years of practice, Remus' lies came out effortlessly. "There's a scar on my stomach, and I'd really prefer if you didn't touch it." He looked away for a second. "You won't like it."

"Oh." Sirius said. As Remus had asked, his hand removed itself from under Remus' shirt. Remus felt relief wash through him. What would he do if Sirius' hand encountered one of the many scars that covered his body? How could he explain them all without telling Sirius the truth? There were too many devastating consequences that Remus didn't really like to think about them. "Oh." Sirius said again. "That's fine." He smiled, trying to reassure Remus. Remus smiled back, unconvinced, still rather down heartened. "Hey, don't be upset." Sirius said softly, noticing how Remus had saddened. "It's just one of those things. But whatever you do, please don't think that I'll leave you, or something like that, just because of something on your body that you don't like. You need to trust me. I love you for who you are, not what you look like. Though you're not bad." He grinned.

Remus decided that the best response he could give was to kiss Sirius again. Sirius didn't seem to be complaining, and he responded enthusiastically.

As the sun was dipping lower towards the horizon, and the chill in the air became more prominent, Remus thought it would be best if they retired from the field, and as they went, Sirius held onto his hand, and Remus decided that he had never loved anyone more than he loved Sirius at that moment.

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**My good! So much fluff! *shields eyes***

**next chapter is longer. and better. Review and get a cookie :)**

**~~Allie xx  
**


	19. Shatter

**Howdy :)**

**So this is like, an uber chapter. More than 3000 words! Gasp! I'm rather proud of this one :)**

**Just want to say thank you to all you who read this story, I'm aware it's not the best in the world, but the fact that you read and continue to read because you enjoy it, that means so much to me :)**

**Warning: Annoyingly fluffy in parts. :3 Maybe also get wolfy :) ...And Matthew's swearing :D  
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**Chapter 19**

There was a resounding crack, and Remus screamed and bent double. Another snapping noise and Remus fell to his knees, tears falling. The sound of his screaming was horrific, but it didn't stop. It kept going, as if Remus didn't need to stop for breath. In quick succession, and all with equally loud noises, Remus' arms snapped, his legs snapped, as they began to mould into the form of the wolf.

His arms and legs lengthened, and his spine grew longer and changed shape. Golden fur began to sprout all his shaking body. His face, so gentle and fair, distorted and grew into something else. The skin around Remus ankles, wrists and shoulders reached breaking point and tore, and the blood began to flow. His eyes turned suddenly from amber to yellow, a bright, feral colour, and these yellow eyes become angrier and wilder. All the time Remus screamed.

Eventually, after what seemed like years of agony, Remus' screams quietened. They were replaced by soft whimpers, as the wolf lay there, head on the floor, ears low.

At a safe distance, some kilometres away, John and Melanie Lupin stood, listening. It was going to be a long while until their son was returned to them.

-oOo-

"Matthew's out?" Remus nodded. "And you're sure he won't be back for a while?" Remus nodded again, rolling his eyes.

"Dad dragged him to visit my grandmother. She lives down South, they'll be gone all day."

Sirius nodded in understanding. "How come you and your mum are still here?"

"My grandma never did like my mum. And, I'm 'ill.' Mum's in on the whole thing, so I don't have to stay in bed all day, coughing." He grinned conspiratorially.

"You're a genius." Sirius said. He had just arrived at Remus' house, and they were stood in the entrance hall. He was still hugging himself for warmth, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. It was unseasonably cold, and Sirius' cheeks were red from the wind. Remus found it rather irresistible. Sirius leaned in to give Remus a kiss, but Remus stepped back, pushing him away. Sirius frowned in confusion but a second later, Melanie Lupin wandered into the hall and noticed Sirius.

Sirius glanced at Remus, wondering how he knew she was coming.

"Sirius!" Melanie said, pleasantly surprised. "How nice to see you!" She was quite fond of Sirius. Then again, there were few women who could resist his effortless charm and impeccable manners. Remus knew that Sirius chose to act like this. There were times when Sirius acted in such a way that Remus' mother wouldn't recognise him at all. Remus realised he was blushing as he thought about this, and he cleared his throat and looked at his feet.

"Good morning Mrs Lupin." Sirius smiled at her.

"Please, call me Melanie. I do believe we're past such formalities." She said, walking forwards to take from him his coat. "What brings you to our neck of the woods?"

Sirius' mouth opened, as if he was going to say something, and then he shut it again. He found he didn't have a very good reason other than wanting to see Remus. "I just came around to say hi. I hope I'm not intruding."

"Of course not!" Melanie exclaimed. "You're always welcome here. I'm so glad that Remus has made friends at school." Out of the corner of his eye Sirius saw Remus press the palm of his hand against his face, shaking his head almost mournfully. A smile flickered onto Sirius' face, but he didn't say anything. "So, what have you got planned for today?"

"Oh, nothing really." Sirius said. "I'm afraid I'm not very good when it comes to making plans. We'll just come up with it as we go along." He grinned rather slyly at Remus. "Anything Remus says, I'll be happy to do it."

"Alright, that's enough." Remus interrupted before Sirius could say any more. He smiled at his mother. "We'll be…somewhere. Let's go, Sirius." He took him by the elbow and dragged him out of the house as Melanie Lupin smiled after them. "Idiot." He muttered when the door closed behind them.

"What did I do?" Sirius said, smiling innocently. The gleam in his eyes gave him away.

"You know very well what you did." Remus wandered around the side of the house, heading towards the garden. The sun had made a rare appearance from behind the cloud and had illuminated the garden, making it look rather inviting.

"But, Remus, it's true!" Sirius cried, grabbing his wrist suddenly. Remus shrieked, in a rather unmanly way, and fell backwards against the side of the house.

"What's true?"

"What I said before." Sirius said, placing his hands either side of Remus head. Remus scowled at him. Sirius' voice dropped to a whisper. "Anything you say, I'll be _happy_ to do it." Remus blushed and ducked down underneath Sirius' arm, before carrying on his way. "Hey, wait up!" Sirius called, unfazed. He jogged to catch up with Remus. "Calm down, Rem." He said, brow furrowed. "Your mother was none the wiser."

After a second Remus grinned. "I do love to wind you up." Sirius realised he'd been had and he pouted like a child denied more dessert.

"…Shut up." Sirius said after a moment. Remus just laughed at him.

Half way through the morning, Melanie Lupin went to the supermarket, and Remus and Sirius lay in the grass in the garden, trying to make shapes out of the clouds.

"What does that one look like?" Sirius asked, hand gesturing vaguely at the sky.

He got no answer. He turned to look at Remus, to see he was asleep. Sirius noticed with some uneasiness, that even when asleep, Remus looked tired. That wasn't meant to happen, was it? Sirius didn't know. "Hey." Sirius said softly. He reached out to place a hand on Remus' shoulder. "Hey, Remus."

Remus' eyes opened sleepily and for a few seconds he blinked at Sirius. "Did…did I fall asleep?"

"Yeah." Sirius said softly, rather bewildered. "What's wrong? I'd only stopped talking for a few minutes."

"Yeah…sorry." Remus sat up and brushed the hair out of his eyes. "I just…I haven't been getting enough sleep, that's all."

"How come?" Sirius said, reaching for Remus' hand, concerned.

Remus shrugged, averting Sirius' gaze. At that point he wished more than anything that he could tell Sirius the truth, that the full moon had been the night before and he was still exhausted. Of course, he knew he could not tell the truth. He was forced to lie, again. "Nightmares." He mumbled, grasping blades of grass between his fingers. Sirius squeezed his hand. They heard a car pull into the driveway, and Remus got to his feet. "Mum's home." He said, extending a hand to help Sirius up. Sirius got to his feet, but didn't let go of Remus' hand.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, looking at Remus with concerned grey eyes.

"Yes." Remus said, reaching to brush a strand of hair out of Sirius' eyes. "I'm fine." He kissed him briefly before tugging him by the hand through the back door.

Remus dropped Sirius' hand as they entered the kitchen where his mother was putting away her groceries. "Hey, Mum." Remus said casually. "Need any help?"

"Oh, no thanks. You two go have fun." Remus raised an eyebrow but Sirius smirked.

Sirius leaned down to whisper in Remus' ear, his lips brushing against the shell of Remus' ear as he spoke. "You heard her. Fun."

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes. He forcibly pushed Sirius out of the kitchen and Sirius followed him up to his room. "You." Remus said when they were half way up the stairs. "Have a one track mind."

Sirius shrugged, unrepentant. "You're the one taking me to your room."

Remus grinned deviously. "Did I say I was complaining?"

Sirius' lips were on Remus' before they had made it to his bedroom. Long ago Remus had decided that Sirius was the very definition of a teenage boy, because he always seemed to have one thing on his mind. Any time that he was sure no one was looking, he'd pull Remus in for a kiss, before releasing him with a grin and a wink. Not that Remus really minded, he just wished he knew when Sirius was going to jump him. It happened at such sporadic times that Remus' brain was getting confused. Remus liked stability in his life, and Sirius seemed to be ignoring this completely. Still, as Sirius' lips were on his neck, Remus decided he didn't really care that much.

Remus heard the bed springs creak below them and hoped his mother downstairs wouldn't hear it. Then again, not everyone had werewolf hearing like he did. He could hear his mother closing cupboards. He could hear Sirius' heart beating, though only faintly. He liked it, hearing Sirius' heart beat faster and faster. Remus heard a car outside coming to a stop. He glanced at the clock. It was only five. His father and brother wouldn't be back for a good two hours. He relaxed again.

"I love you, Remus." Sirius whispered. His hands were shaking, his breathing erratic.

"Mmm." Remus agreed. "Love you too." He hooked his hand around the back of Sirius' neck and pulled him down so their mouths met again.

At that point there was a soft creaking noise, though neither of them took any notice. It was only when Remus heard a soft gasp did he break away from Sirius. Slowly, incredibly slowly, he turned to look at the source of the noise. Sirius did also.

Matthew was stood in the doorway.

Remus' face lost all it's colour, and he looked at Matthew, to Sirius, and back to Matthew. Sirius looked horrified, but he didn't move, and he kept a soft grip on Remus' arm. Matthew looked at the both of them, his face expressionless. Suddenly he cast one last disgusted look at the both of them and left the room. "M-Matthew!" Sirius cried, struggling to get up from under Remus. Remus raised himself off Sirius to grant him access. "Matthew, wait!" Sirius ran out of the room after him. Remus stayed on his bed, knowing that one way or another, Matthew would ruin this for him. He would either tell Sirius his most deathly secret, or he would pry them apart - permanently. Remus sighed, and lay down on the bed, almost not wanting to see what Sirius did to appease the situation, because he knew nothing he could say would change anything.

Sirius bolted down the stairs and across to the front door, which had closed only a few seconds earlier. Melanie Lupin came out of the kitchen to see what the commotion was, but Sirius didn't stop to explain.

He flung the door open, and looked frantically up and down the road for any signs of Matthew. Matthew was, indeed, stalking away down the road. "Matthew, wait! For God's sake, wait!" Sirius cried. Matthew stopped, his hands balled into fists, his shoulders tensed. He turned slowly, his blue eyes burning.

"I've got nothing to say to you." Matthew hissed as Sirius ran up to him.

"Listen, please, Matthew, don't hate me. Or Remus, please, don't."

"No, you're wrong! I've got every reason to hate you, and I will! I thought you were my best friend."

"I _am_ your best friend!"

Matthew ignored this statement. "I _thought_ you were my best friend, but instead you have to ruin everything by becoming some queer weirdo...you had to ruin it by doing these disgusting, unnatural things with my brother!" Matthew roared, attracting the stares of a few passers-by.

Sirius staggered back a few steps. In all his time with Remus he had never thought that what they did was unnatural, nor did he think it was disgusting. He would have used words like special, and wonderful, and perfect. "Matthew, please! I love him!"

"Love? What do you know about love? There's no way anyone could love Remus! He's a disgusting little excuse of a person! If you knew the truth about him, you wouldn't go within twenty feet of him!"

"What?" Sirius cried, feeling irritation and anger rising within him. "What are you on about?"

Matthew threw his head back and laughed like this was the most enjoyable thing in the world. "You have no idea how screwed up he is. Is there any wonder that I hate him? I make it obvious, of course I do! I detest him, because he is so unnatural and bloody freakish!" Sirius noticed they had been slowly moving towards the main road. He must have unconsciously been following Matthew who, just as unconsciously, was taking small steps backwards.

"Don't you talk about Remus that way!" Sirius yelled, his hands balling into fists. He felt a surge of protectiveness rise up in his veins. "He's perfect, just the way he is!"

Matthew roared with laughter, clutching his sides and almost doubling over. "You have absolutely no idea." Matthew, by this point, had reached the main road, which was considerably wider than the residential street he lived on, and it was peculiarly empty for a Saturday afternoon. He looked from side to side, checking the road was empty, and turned to cross, running.

"Matthew, wait!" Sirius cried, running after him. On the island in the middle of the road, Matthew turned to him.

"If I tell you his secret, you're going to hate him. You'll loath him, like I do." Sirius had a dilemma. If it would make him hate Remus, he didn't want to know. On the other hand, just what was it that caused Matthew so much offense? Matthew had sparked his curiosity, and he couldn't resist.

"Go on, then." Sirius said quietly.

"Eh?" Matthew asked as a car rushed past them.

"I said go on, then!" Sirius yelled, looking him defiantly in the eyes.

"Fine." Matthew checked the road was clear, and began to cross, walking backwards. Sirius started walking after him. "I'll tell you." At that moment a few things happened. A car came hurtling around a corner, coming full speed along the road in the lane that Matthew was stood in. Sirius was safe in the next lane. Sirius, seeing this, rushed forwards to grab Matthew's collar and forcibly pushed him to the kerb as the car whooshed past them. There was a resounding snap and Matthew cried out in pain.

"Matt, are you alright?" Sirius asked, their previous argument forgotten. He felt his anger dissipating, replaced by sympathy for his friend.

"Ahh, I think you broke my arm!" Matthew shrugged his shoulder, testing it, and whimpered. "You bloody idiot! You broke my fucking arm!" He said it with little anger in his voice, he was still in shock and the surprise made him say it as if it were all a big joke.

Sirius laughed once, relieved and completely astounded. "I'm sorry I saved your life?" He tried, bewildered. He helped Matthew up, and walked him home, supporting most of his weight. Matthew seemed to be going in and out of consciousness from the pain, as every now and again he would sag dangerously against Sirius and he would have to shake him to get him to wake up again. They reached the front door, and Sirius looked up to see Remus stood anxiously in the doorway. His eyes were rimmed with red, and Sirius could tell he had been crying. When Remus saw the state Matthew was in, he visibly paled, his fingers gripping the doorframe, as if it were keeping him upright.

"Mum!" Remus yelled over his shoulder before turning back to the boys in front of him. "What in the hell happened?" He asked, jumping down the front steps and running up to them.

Melanie and John Lupin appeared in the doorway. Melanie gasped and ran up to them. "Sirius, what's happened to him?"

"He..." Sirius spoke in a dazed voice, as if he were in a dream. "He was crossing the road, and this car…this car was coming at him, so I pulled him out of the way, but he fell weirdly, and it broke his arm." He realised what he had done. "I'm so sorry."

"No!" Melanie said. "You saved his life! Quickly, give him here. We'll take him to the hospital." She turned to her husband. "Go and get the car keys." John nodded and disappeared into the house. he returned and together they helped Matthew into the car, and Remus and Sirius watched them drive away.

When they were out of sight, Sirius sat down heavily on the front lawn.

Remus crouched down beside him, staring uncertainly at him. "Are you okay?"

Sirius shrugged. "I might be going into shock…but I'm okay." Remus nodded and sat down next to him. "What were they doing back so early? You said they wouldn't be back until later."

Remus nodded. "Mum said that Gran wasn't feeling well, so she sent Dad and Matt home, because she didn't want them getting ill." He shrugged, and pulled out clumps of grass.

"Right." Sirius said after a silence. It surprised him how Matthew's state had affected Remus, considering Remus' affection he had for his brother wasn't exactly returned.

Sirius wondered what Remus' secret could be. Looking at him as he sat cross legged in the grass, Sirius knew that nothing about Remus could ever repulse him. He wrapped his arm around Remus' shoulders. "How...I mean, what...what did he say?" Remus eventually asked, quietly.

"He was pretty angry. Got talking about some secret of yours, he wanted to tell me it." Remus stiffened and pulled away from Sirius with fear in his eyes. "He said...he said I'd be repulsed by you, Remus." Remus let out a tearful gasp. "Please, tell me he's over exaggerating."

Remus looked at Sirius for a long time. "He's...he's over exaggerating. Of course he is. You know how he gets." Remus smiled weakly, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, glad he was so good at lying. Sirius caught Remus' chin and forced him to look him in the eye.

"Then why are you crying?" Sirius asked softly, leaning in to kiss a stray tear.

"I'm not even sure. But, don't worry about me. I'm fine." Remus wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

Sirius frowned. "How can I ever not worry about you?" He asked. "I can never not care for you, Remus. You're so…you're everything to me. I don't think I've ever stopped thinking about you from the moment I met you."

Remus laughed, tearfully, terrified, and buried his head in Sirius' chest, who lifted his head with a pained expression and stroked Remus' hair in what he hoped was a comforting manner. He was afraid, not for himself, but for the sobbing, shaking creature in his arms.

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**Oh, the fluff! Save yourselves. And also - the nonexistent plot line takes another shocking twist! *dramatic organ music***

**Review and tell me if you think it's getting too silly.**

**Shout out for Mademise Morte - you never fail to review so big love :)**

**Also: updates may get less and less frequent - at the moment i'm working on some bizarre Hetalia things, which i don't know if I'll finish, but they're going well so far, and this may have to take a back seat for a while. Maybe. I'm not sure yet. Don't you love how helpful I am?**

**~~Allie x  
**


	20. Backlash

**Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated in so long - summer does that, you know? it's weird. Well, whatever. Enjoy ^_^**

**and as always, thank you for all your lovely reviews :)**

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**Chapter 20**

Remus sighed as he heard a car pull up in the driveway. Outside it was dark. The moon was again starting to get smaller, having been full just a few days ago. In any other situation, Remus would have been relieved that it would be a while before the next full moon. He would have been relieved that it would be a while before the night he didn't really like to think about. However, at that point, there was not really anything that could lift his spirits. Sirius had reluctantly left for his own house about an hour ago, knowing that it was getting late. Remus really didn't want him to go, but he had no choice. Remus knew that when Matthew returned home, seeing Sirius would not improve his mood in the slightest. Therefore they parted company, the amount of words passed between them minimal.

Remus knew instinctively that it was his father's car that had just pulled up. Because of his heightened senses, his ears weren't mistaken. Which meant that Matthew had just been brought home from the hospital. Matthew had only been in the hospital for a few hours, but Remus wished he could have stayed there longer, so he could have figured out what he was going to say to appease his brother. He fervently hoped that his brother hadn't told their parents what he had found out. Remus knew he wouldn't be able to handle that if he had, at least not on his own.

Matthew returned from the hospital with his arm in a cast and a scowl on his face. He saw Remus standing in the doorway to the kitchen when he returned, and, looking disgusted, turned his gaze away. "Matthew..." Remus said, walking after him.

Matthew spun around. "What? I've got nothing to say to you. You or…or _Sirius_." He spat his name like it was poison.

"Don't you dare!" Remus cried suddenly, making Matthew jump. "Don't you dare treat Sirius badly for this, not after he saved your life!" Matthew watched Remus, hands clenched into fists, breathing heavily, and he raised his eyebrows.

"Whatever." He said plainly, before turning to go up the stairs. Remus cried out in anger and nearly broke the doorframe due to his excessive punching of it.

"Hate me if you want, Matthew!" Remus called up the stairs, uncaring as to whether Matthew could hear him. "Don't hate him!"

He saw his parents coming in the front door and sprinted up the stairs to get away from them. The last thing he needed was for them to interrupt, asking what was going on. Before he left, he stole a glance at their faces. His mother's mouth was set in a thin, terse line, stress and worry evident on her face. His father, to his surprise and slight discomfort, looked rather pale. His amber eyes, Remus' own, were on the floor as he walked. John Lupin had always been a man so full of life and humour, and it was always his job to lift Remus' spirits after each full moon. It moved Remus to see how much Matthew's well being affected their father. He could only assume that it was because John didn't want to have two sons who were injured, or in Remus' case, cursed. Remus shook his head and ran up the stairs, two at a time.

"Did you hear me?" Remus called. He opened Matthew's bedroom door, when suddenly he found himself pinned against the wall by Matthew's good arm. He stared at Matthew with wide amber eyes, suddenly terrified.

"Don't you _dare _tell me what to do. You are in no fucking position to order me around after I find you necking my best friend! You disgust me, Remus." He let go of him, and retreated back to his room, slamming the door.

Remus let out a shocked breath and sank to the floor. Matthew's bedroom door opened again. Apparently, he was not finished. "You know what? I could accept you being with _him._ I could do it, just about. If not for the fact that the both of you lied to my face. He…he was going out with Natasha Watson, for Christ's sake!"

"Actually…" Remus said in a quiet voice. "He broke up with her before we-"

"Shut up! I don't want to hear it, any of it! Just…just explain to me exactly why you thought it was a good idea for the two of you to…to get together." He scowled, like the words left a bad taste in his mouth.

"I…" Remus found it difficult to form an answer that would explain it all. "I don't know. I like him." He said quietly. "And he likes me."

Matthew pulled a face. "I wish I hadn't asked." There was quiet for a few seconds. When he next spoke, his voice was soft, calm, but full of a venom that made Remus shiver. "You're a werewolf, Remus. Do you honestly think you deserve him, or anyone, for that matter?" That stung, and Matthew knew it. Remus stared at him with wounded eyes.

"I think I do. I love him. And he loves me. Maybe my being a werewolf won't need to be such a big deal."

"Of course it's a big deal! Why are you so delusional? You can't be with _anyone,_ you just can't. When Sirius finds out what you are, he'll hate you as much as I do."

Remus' mouth fell open. "Don't tell him. Please. I'm begging you. Don't." Matthew just stared at him. "I know you wanted to tell him, earlier, before you fell. And I don't suppose I can physically stop you from telling Sirius what I am, but please, I am begging you not to. If you do, he won't want to be your friend anymore, either. We'd both be left with nothing, without him. I am only asking this of you because it would affect you as well as me."

Matthew thought about it, and then nodded begrudgingly. "I won't tell him. He's a good friend, even though I'll never be able to look at him, or you, the same way again."

Remus' shoulders visibly sagged with relief. "Thank you."

"No." Matthew said immediately, his eyes narrowing. "Don't thank me. Because I'm not doing this for you. If Sirius wasn't my friend, he'd already know what you are by now. If Sirius wasn't my friend, I wouldn't have anything to lose by telling him your secret. So there'd be nothing to stop me."

Remus lowered his eyes. "You can be such a jerk when you want to be, Matthew."

"Huh." Matthew said. "You can talk."

"Yes, I do possess the ability of speech. Thanks for noticing." Remus said, an eyebrow raised.

"Shut up." Matthew said, scowling at Remus' quick response. "I hate you, you know."

"I know, you've said it often enough. As if I would forget." Remus muttered. "But, oddly enough, I don't hate you. Isn't that strange?" Matthew frowned, confused. "When I think of you I just feel…" He paused, picking the right word. "Apathy. I can't be bothered with you. You always say the same things. 'Remus, I hate you' or 'Remus, you're a freakish werewolf'. I've heard it all before. Honestly, Matt, it's starting to get boring. That's why I don't hate you. You never do anything that would make me hate you. You always do the same things." Matthew's jaw twitched. "So, hate me if you want. But you should know that it doesn't bother me anymore."

"Do you love him?" Matthew asked suddenly, as if he had not just heard Remus' outburst. "He said he loved you. What you feel for him, is it actually love?"

Remus paused, surprised. "Yes. I really do. I know I'm only young, but I'm pretty certain I love him."

The older boy paused for a moment, his eyes narrowing. "_Super_, just super." Matthew turned away from him with the intent to go back into his bedroom.

"Matthew, I-"

"No. Save it. I don't…I really don't want to hear it. " Remus was almost glad that Matthew sounded considerably less angry, but he still flinched when Matthew's bedroom door closed with a click.

As he sat in the dark corridor, Remus felt tears flowing down his face, not for the first time that day. Just at the point when his mother made her way upstairs. She saw what state he was in and wrapped her arms around him as he let the tears fall without making a sound. _If only she understood the whole situation_, Remus thought bitterly. _How much easier would that be?_

Sirius made his way back home in dejected silence. The streetlight on his road had gone out, so the whole area was shrouded in darkness. The only source of illumination were the squares of light that shone out of the windows. The windows of his own house, however, owing to thick, heavy curtains which were nearly always closed, let out very little light, and that observation did nothing to lift his mood. He let himself in without a word and he could hear from the living room that his mother was watching the television, which in itself was a rare occurrence. He took off his coat, and without saying a word to his mother, made his way upstairs. Regulus was on the upstairs landing, on the phone to someone. Sirius could hear his laughter down the hall. It sounded oddly out of place in a house as dark and dour as theirs. When they were both younger, and they were playing as boys do, they always tried to be as quiet as possible, so as not to disturb their parents. It was strange, but even at the age of six, Sirius was aware that doing things that would anger their parents wasn't a good thing to do.

He rubbed his eyes, and suddenly he felt very tired. He went into the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush, staring at his expressionless reflection in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. He felt drained of all energy, he found he had trouble keeping his eyes open. So much had happened that day, he didn't think he had taken it all in. Matthew had found out about the two of them, Remus and himself. What would it mean? At that moment he found he didn't really want to think about it. He heard Regulus put the phone down as he was leaving the bathroom.

"Evening." He said softly, making his younger brother jump.

"God, you scared me." Regulus said, eyebrows raised in surprise. _He looks so much like me_, Sirius noted offhandedly as he looked at Regulus' grey eyes, his own. Regulus was nearly as tall as he was, though Sirius was still a head taller than him and their mother.

Sirius stared at the floor for a few seconds before looking back up at his brother. "Hey, Reg?" Sirius asked nonchalantly. He was trying to not sound worried, though he was.

"Yeah?" Regulus asked, reaching around his older brother and turning off the bathroom light that Sirius had forgotten to switch off.

"Can I tell you something?" He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"Uhh…sure." Regulus tugged off his jumper, folding it neatly in his hands. Sirius watched his long, pale fingers splay across the fabric.

Sirius didn't really know why he was saying this. He didn't need to. But then again, he supposed Regulus deserved to know. He didn't want them to have a relationship like Matthew and Remus, a relationship spoiled by secrets. It was best for them if Sirius told him the truth about himself. That was the theory, anyway.

"I'm gay."

Regulus' fingers went slack. The jumper he was holding fell to the floor.

"_What_?"

"I'm gay." Sirius repeated patiently.

Regulus looked bewildered. "But…you…but, you were going out with that girl. Natasha someone."

Sirius shrugged, regarding his brother with calm eyes. "That was a mistake. It didn't feel right, but I couldn't figure out why. I've realised why now, though."

Regulus' mouth fell open. "I can't believe you're telling me this."

"I know it's a shock, Reg. But, really, it doesn't change that much."

"It changes everything!" Regulus exclaimed. "Of course it does!" Sirius frowned, confused. "Why did you have to say that? Why do you have to be so different?"

Sirius frowned, a little bit hurt. It wasn't like his brother to be hurtful. "Different? What do you mean? I've already said, it barely makes a difference!"

Regulus looked at him like he was an idiot. "Yes, it does! What are Mother and Father going to say when they find out?"

Sirius' face went white, but he struggled to stay calm. "Maybe they don't have to find out." Regulus stared at him with an unreadable expression. "But please, don't…don't tell them."

Regulus crossed his arms. "I won't. Only because I can't bear to hear Mother shouting at you. But I…I can't even…" He turned away, unable to put into words what he was feeling.

"Regulus, please." Sirius said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Don't hate me for this. It's isn't going to change me as a person, I'm still you're brother. Please, Reg. Don't be so quick to push me away."

Regulus looked at him, though he didn't say anything. He only shook his head, which wasn't really a valid response at all. He went into his bedroom, and didn't come out for the rest of the night. Sirius sighed and went downstairs, dejected. He went into the dark kitchen to get a drink. As he was turning the tap off he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around to see his mother stood there, a silhouette in the darkness.

"You've stayed out late again." She said quietly. Her eyes were dull, and her face was expressionless. It was almost unnerving, the way she just _stared._

"I know." He said. He took a drink.

"You look awful." She commented.

"Thank you." He said, setting his glass down on the marble counter and crossing his arms. "I was at my friend's house." He didn't bother saying his name. His mother wouldn't have known who he was anyway. "He broke his arm. I was waiting to see if he was alright."

Walburga Black's eyebrows raised a little but her expression remained mostly the same. "I'm not surprised."

Sirius frowned, not really knowing what that meant. "I'm going to bed." He said after a few moments of silence.

"Stop arguing with your brother." Was all his mother said as he ascended the stairs.

Remus sat in his bedroom on the floor, his back against the wall, listening. He waited until he heard his parents go to bed, and when the house eventually descended into silence, Remus got up and opened his door.

Directly across the corridor, his brother's door was still firmly shut. With silent steps, the sort Remus could only blame on the wolf, Remus crept to his brother's door, and rapped his knuckles against the wood. The door didn't open, but Remus hadn't expected it to anyway.

"Matthew." He whispered. His voice was hoarse, and sounded strange. "Matthew, please…" He wasn't even sure what he was going to say. "Please…don't hate him, Matthew, please."

Unbeknownst to Remus, Matthew was standing just on the other side of the door. He reached for the handle but stopped his hand, and let it fall to his side.

Remus closed his eyes, ears straining to hear an answer.

It came eventually, a sullen voice floating through the air.

"You can go to hell, Remus."

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**dun dun dun. **

**or, you know, something. ahem.**

**review and tell me what you think? 'pprectiate it. **

**:)**

**~~Allie xx  
**


	21. Runaway

**hi again. going back to school tomorrow. freaking YEAR 12. SIXTH FORM. freaking out. **

**but, i digress. expect updates to get slow(er than they already are jeez get it together alice)**

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**Chapter 21**

It was a quiet night, a peaceful end to a far from peaceful day. The only sounds were the odd rumbling as a car drove past, and a soft wind blowing ever so gently through the trees. Lone, low clouds rolled across the sky every now and again, but beyond them the stars shone with all their celestial beauty, untouchable and perfect. Two flashing lights, an aeroplane jetting off to some unknown destination, flashed slowly across the sky. Remus watched it until it disappeared behind a cloud. He let out a laboured sigh and shut the door behind him.

Sirius was, by definition, a light sleeper. The slightest of noises could wake him, and it was not an uncommon occurrence that Sirius would find himself wake suddenly in the night, blinking into the darkness, wondering why he had been woken. Most of the time he found it extremely annoying, but this particular night be decided he was rather lucky.

There was also the fact that Sirius' bedroom was right at the top of the stairs, meaning that when compared to his brother and his mother, he was the closest to the front door.

Taking both of these facts into consideration, it is evident as to why Sirius clearly heard a faint rapping at the Black's front door in the middle of the night.

He awoke, and sat up slowly. He hesitated for a few seconds, debating in his mind as to whether or not he had dreamed the noise. The faint rapping came again and Sirius realised it was real, and not just an invention of his mind. He pulled on his dressing gown, and, yawning, he made his way down the stairs, his hand hovering over the banister, ready to catch himself should he stumble and fall. Which was an entirely possible thing.

By the front door, on a table made of dark wood, a colour fitting in with pretty much the whole of the house, lay the key. It was rather old fashioned, long and silver, with the mechanism to unlock the door jutting out at the end. Sirius, still partly asleep, struggled to get the key into the lock properly but eventually it slid into place, and he huffed a sleepy laugh victoriously.

It was not generally in his nature to open the front door to just anyone who came around in the middle of the night, but the faintness of the knock reassured him that this was no one bad. Perhaps he had been foolish and overly naive to think this, but he was glad that he did.

He opened the door slowly, peering out into the night. His mouth fell open when he saw who was there.

"Remus?" He asked, half astounded, half confused.

Remus was stood there, dressed in the clothes that he had worn when Sirius had seen him last. They weren't very substantial, the chill of the night permeated the thin fabric and Remus was shivering rather violently, his arms wrapped around himself in an attempt to keep himself warm. But that wasn't what bothered Sirius. What bothered him were the tears falling from Remus eyes, slow but steady and continuous. Remus opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again, only able to shake his head sorrowfully.

Sirius reached out and placed his hand on Remus' shoulder, guiding him inside. He shut the door behind them both, shrouding them in darkness. He locked the door, placing the key in its usual place on the table. "Remus?" Sirius asked again. "What are you doing here?"

He held out his arms and Remus was gratefully embraced. "I'm sorry." Came his muffled reply, as his face was buried in Sirius' shoulder. "I'm so sorry. But I couldn't bear to be there anymore…he…Sirius, he…" He found he couldn't say any more and he wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius' waist, unwilling to let go.

Sirius tensed and looked down at Remus. All he could see was the top of his head, his golden brown hair shining dimly in the darkness. "What did Matthew do to you?" His voice was low and cautious. It unsettled him that he didn't even need to ask who it was that had upset Remus to the extent that he had run away.

"He…" Remus shook his head, unable to choose the right words. "He told me I didn't deserve you, Sirius. He told me to go to hell."

Sirius pressed his lips to Remus' hair, closing his eyes and inhaling the scent of Remus' shampoo. He could think of nothing to say that would make Remus better. At that moment, he felt utterly helpless and utterly like the child he still was.

"I'm sorry." Remus said again. "But I couldn't bear to be near him anymore."

"It's okay." Sirius said softly. "It's okay. You can stay here, it's fine." Remus managed a bleary smile through his tears.

There was silence for a few seconds. "You're still shivering." Sirius noticed, and he watched Remus' thin frame shake. He let go of the younger boy and stepped away, taking off his dressing gown and draping it around Remus' shoulders. He was left in just a pair of pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt. He felt the cold air hit him, and it wasn't at all pleasant, but all that mattered to him was making sure that Remus was alright.

Upstairs, he heard the slightest noise, like cautious footsteps coming to a halt. He paid no attention. "Come on, Remus. Do you want anything to eat, or drink?"

Remus just shook his head, gratefully drawing the dressing gown closer to him. "I'm just so tired." He murmured and Sirius nodded.

"Let's get you to bed, then."

Sirius paused to think. The Black household had no guest bedroom, and Sirius did not want Remus sleeping on one of the uncomfortable sofas in the living room. Sirius' bed was more than big enough for the both of them. He took Remus' hand and began to lead him up the stairs, ignoring the uncomfortable squirming that had begun in his stomach. He was nervous about what he was doing, and he knew it.

When they reached the top, Sirius nearly jumped a foot in the air when he saw his brother stood, leaning against the railing that ran alongside the stairs. "Sirius?" He asked, hostility still in his voice from their earlier misunderstanding. "Who's that?"

Sirius shot him a dark look. "He's my friend." He felt Remus' hand tighten around his. "And he needs a place to stay."

Regulus saw the tear tracks on the boy's face, and the bags under his eyes. He saw how thin the boy was, how frail looking. Eventually he agreed that he could use a good night's sleep. "Okay."

Sirius snorted derisively. "I wasn't asking your permission."

Regulus looked at him haughtily. Sirius turned away to the smaller boy.

"In here." He murmured, and opened the door to his bedroom, which lay in darkness. Remus smiled a tiny, grateful smile and followed Sirius in. When Sirius came back to close the door, he shot Regulus a look that was probably meant to be hostile, but Regulus saw in his eyes how distraught and upset his brother was. There was anger there as well, but it was a different type, and instantly Regulus could tell it was not directed at himself. Sirius' door closed with a click, and for a few seconds Regulus watched it with quiet eyes.

It had not escaped his notice that Sirius was perfectly okay with sharing his bed with this friend, his male friend. Regulus, before that night at least, would have assumed that Sirius would have been uncomfortable with something like that. Obviously not, he guessed. Regulus stared at the door, before huffing a disbelieving laugh and returning to his own room for the night.

"Remus." Sirius murmured. Remus looked up at him with solemn amber eyes. Sirius smiled the tiniest bit, before journeying to his chest of drawers. He rooted around for a pair of pyjamas that would be small enough to fit Remus. He found none, and had to make do with a pair that he knew would be too big for his skinny body. "Here." He said, giving the clothes to Remus. He glanced at the clock and realised it was only a little after midnight.

He turned away as Remus changed quietly and a soft cough told him that Remus was done. The arms of the top were much too long, and they fell past Remus' hands. The trousers, too, were too long, and they looked like they were too wide around the waist. Remus grasped self consciously at the waistband so they wouldn't fall down. Nevertheless, he smiled his thanks and Sirius pulled back the covers, and rather awkwardly gestured to Remus that he could get in. Remus did so, and he watched Sirius as the dark haired boy joined him. For a moment Sirius stared at the ceiling, before turned over onto his side, coming face to face with Remus. Their foreheads were nearly touching. Sirius reached down and grasped Remus' hand, bringing it up so their hands rested in the space between them.

"Go to sleep." Sirius said quietly, but Remus' eyes were already closed, his breathing getting softer and shallower. Sirius watched the sleeping figure of the boy for a few moments before closing his eyes, ever aware of the fingers curled around his own.

When Remus woke up, he knew he was not at home, in his bed. He wondered whose duvet this was, he wondered whose wallpaper this was. He wondered as to whose arms were wrapped around him, and then he remembered.

Sirius was holding him tightly, so Remus' back was pressed against Sirius' chest. Remus could hear Sirius' soft breathing just behind his head, and he craned his neck to look at him. Bathed in the early morning light, his dark eyelashes fluttering against his cheekbones, Sirius seemed to Remus to be the very personification of beauty. He looked so peaceful that Remus didn't dare move, in fear of waking him. Remus wasn't quite sure as to how they had ended up this way, but he wasn't really complaining. In Sirius' arms, he felt warm, safe and protected. He lay there for about fifteen minutes, absently tracing patterns onto the back of Sirius' hand that was resting on his own collar bone.

The only indication that Sirius was awake was that suddenly his hand moved, and his fingers curled around Remus'.

"Hello." Sirius said quietly, his voice thick from sleep.

"Hi." Remus said, turning around in his arms, so all he could see were Sirius' grey eyes, so close to his own. He glanced down at Sirius' arms, and Sirius noticed. He blushed and made to move away.

"Sorry, I…"

Remus hastened to interrupt. "It's alright."

Sirius smiled softly and his arms returned to embracing Remus. "How are you feeling?" He asked softly.

Remus swallowed. "Better, now. Thank you."

"It's not a problem."

One corner of Remus' mouth quirked up into a smile.

"I just have one question." Sirius said. "How…how did you know where I lived?"

Remus shrugged. "Your address is written on your school journal. You left it at my house one time."

"So you memorised it?" Sirius asked and Remus nodded. "My, my. It seems I'm going out with a closet stalker."

Remus blushed and gave him a vague, playful shove and Sirius laughed softly. "Your parents are going to be worried sick." Sirius murmured after a few seconds of silence.

"I know." Remus said with a sigh. His eyes rolled away to the left, conciously avoiding Sirius' gaze. "But I just couldn't bear to be near Matthew. He was so furious with me…with you." He flushed and looked away. "And it scared me…and I wanted you to…to look after me." He was positively bright red, and Sirius felt his heart lurch, a feeling that was not entirely unpleasant.

"I'll look after you." Sirius murmured into Remus' hair. "For as long as you'll have me."

There was silence for a few seconds before he felt Remus give him a soft shove with his hand. "Don't get all sappy." Remus smiled playfully at him, and Sirius felt a smirk spread across his face.

"All right. No sappiness. Promise."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Wait a minute. I never said I didn't want _any _unbearable cheesiness." And Sirius laughed because that was just the sort of thing Remus was likely to say.

Remus could tell, by the way that the light streaming through the window was so pale, that it was relatively early in the morning. Slowly, almost reluctantly, Sirius detached his arms from Remus and left the warmth of the bed, wandering across his room. The sight of his hair slightly stuck up on one side was something Remus didn't think would be so funny.

"I think…" Sirius murmured, as he was rooting around the chest of drawers for a certain jumper. "I think it's best if we get out of here before my mother wakes up."

Remus nodded. He barely knew anything about Sirius' mother, but he did know, from Sirius' scowls and cold words, that she was not one of the friendlier people in the world. "That's fine. It'd be best if I got home early, too. Mum must be tearing her hair out by now." He glanced at Sirius, and saw a flicker of jealousy in his eyes. _Of course_, Remus thought, wanting to bang his head against a wall. _Of course he's jealous, because his mother wouldn't worry about him like your mother worries about you. Stupid, stupid idiot! _Remus could only smile apologetically and reach out to squeeze Sirius' hand.

Suddenly the look in Sirius' eyes was gone, replaced by smile that was only ever so slightly forced. "We should get some breakfast." He said. "But first, we should probably get dressed."

Remus blinked. "Right, well, er…"

Sirius suddenly grinned, understanding Remus' reservations. "I'll be in the bathroom." He grabbed his clothes and left to go into the adjoining en-suite.

"…'ppreciate it!" Remus called and he could hear Sirius' laughter.

Eventually, when they were both dressed they found themselves in Sirius' kitchen, a vast and rather cold room, the countertops made of marble and the floor made of polished stone. "Wow." Remus murmured. "I didn't know you had _this _much money."

Sirius flushed but didn't say anything. Instead he filled the kettle up with water, flicking on the switch. He opened a cupboard containing rows of mugs."Tea? Coffee?" He asked, looking over his shoulder at Remus, who had sat down at the table.

Remus hastily shook his head. "Not for me thanks…can't stand the stuff."

Sirius just laughed as he reached for a glass. "Orange juice, then. Everyone likes that."

"Yes, please."

Sirius, Remus noticed, had a certain capacity for multitasking. Remus watched as he did several things at once, pulling out two plates, a teabag, spoons, plates, butter knifes and generally completed the task quicker than Remus could ever hope to.

Buttered toast with jam and a glass of orange juice was placed in front of him. Sirius sat down beside him, holding his mug between his hands, before picking up a slice of toast and taking a bite.

"So?" Sirius asked, after taking a sip of tea. "Is it alright?"

Remus nodded. "It's pretty damn good. Didn't know you could cook."

Sirius grinned but he blushed, and Remus could tell he was pleased with the compliment. "Toast is hardly cooking. Still. I'm better than Regulus. He manages to burn cereal."

Remus laughed and for a few minutes they ate in companionable silence. Remus' breakfast hit the spot, when he had turned up at Sirius' house the night before he had been starving, but he hadn't said it. Now, he felt just right, warm and content. "Can…can I try some of your tea?" Remus asked quietly. "I'm not really sure what it tastes like."

Sirius laughed, trying to keep it quiet. "You don't like it but you've never tasted it?"

Remus scowled playfully. "I've had a sip…it's not really a proper taste. Can I?"

Sirius nodded and handed him the mug, and he was pretty sure that Remus deliberately placed his fingers over Sirius'. Remus brought the cup to his lips and looked uncertainly at Sirius. Eventually he took a drink. "Well?" Sirius asked, oddly eager to know Remus' opinion.

Remus put the cup down. He thought about it and then pulled a face. "It's so sweet! How many sugars have you put in there?"

Sirius shrugged, reaching out to take the mug back. "Only four. It's not that many!" He added, on seeing Remus' surprised face. He opened his mouth to say something, when his gaze shifted to something behind Remus. Remus turned around to see Regulus Black stood in the doorway.

"Umm…hi." Regulus said, somewhat awkwardly. He said it quietly so as not to anger Sirius any more than he had last night.

"Morning." Sirius said in a deadpan tone of voice.

Remus could only smile self-consciously, having not properly met Regulus before.

"You gonna introduce us, Sirius?" Regulus asked, crossing his arms almost lazily, regarding his older brother with a suspicious, and not completely comfortable, expression.

"Rem, this is Regulus. Reg, this is Remus Lupin."

Regulus opened his mouth to laugh at such a name, but then he remembered his own and hastily bit his tongue.

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**did you detect my attempt at humour at the end? i tried, i really did. /sniffle.**

**i've been trying to tone down the unbearable fluff. hope it's okay.  
**

**anyhoo. thank you ALL for your gorgeous reviews of gorgeousness. i'm sorry i don't reply to them all personally, i wish i did, but half the time i'm checking my emails on my phone (long story) so i can't reply. FORGIVE MEH. so. i'm thanking you all HERE. let it be known. ^_^**

**right. yeah. i'll...uh...i'll be going. ahem. **

**~~Allie xx  
**


	22. Re encounter

**Oh my god. I am so sorry it's been so long since an update. If you want to kill me for making you wait this long, I wouldn't blame you - I would if I were you. I'm sorry to say that Hetalia has become my main fandom, but I promise I'll do my best not to forget about this fic entirely - Harry Potter still does hold a place in my heart~**

**Anyhoo. Yes. Not sure how this chapter turned out, but I hope it's alright. **

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**Chapter 22**

"Prepare for embarrassment." Remus murmured, his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the floor as he walked.

Sirius didn't really have a reply to that. He might have said something, had he not seen the reluctance in Remus' eyes, some sort of fear had manifested there, and Sirius could tell that Remus really did not want to be back here. He only watched as Remus walked up the path and opened his front door.

Before Remus could say anything, his mother had rushed into the room, gasped, and flung her arms around her younger son, clutching him tightly to her. Remus' eyes went wide and he flushed bright red. Had the situation not been so grave, Sirius would have chuckled.

"Where have you been?" Melanie cried, ushering him into the house. Sirius quickly followed, standing close to the wall, trying to blend in with the wallpaper pattern. "We've been worried sick!"

Remus stared at the floor as his father came down the stairs, upon hearing the commotion. Sirius noticed, for the first time, that both of Remus' parents were pale and weary looking. Melanie Lupin had red around her eyes, and tear tracks were dried onto her cheeks. Sirius suddenly felt like the one to blame, taking Remus in when he was meant to be at home.

"I'm sorry." Remus murmured. "But…seeing Matthew…it was such a shock and I…I just needed some time away." Sirius noted that Remus was exceedingly good at lying. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to worry."

"Where did you go?" His father asked, glancing at Sirius, who was hovering awkwardly by the front door. He felt like an intruder, one unwelcome in John Lupin's home.

Remus took a deep breath. He chanced a look at his parents, before his eyes hastily returned to the floor. "I went to Sirius' house."

Sirius almost flinched when he felt the gaze of both of Remus' parents settle on him. "Thank you, Sirius." Melanie said eventually. She let go of Remus, getting to her feet. She wasn't as tall as Sirius, but for some reason, Sirius felt very small. "We're very grateful that you took him in…it's very lucky that Remus has got a friend who's willing to let him into his house in the middle of the night." She looked at Remus with a hint of anger in her eyes, but it was very much overruled by the worry and relief that was evident on her face. "I just…it's so unlike you to run off, Remus, and I came into your room in the morning, and you weren't there, and I…" She brushed the hair out of his face, a deeply maternal gesture.

Remus nodded, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Obviously, it would be harder than he thought to persuade his parents that he hadn't left because his brother's words had terrified him more than he could have imagined. "I'm sorry." He murmured, and Sirius felt a pang of something in his chest. Remus' words were quiet, but heartfelt, as if he had experienced a sudden rush of regret. "Really. I'm sorry."

His mother hugged him tightly again, while his father remained standing a few feet behind them, his arms folded across his chest. "You're back. That's all that matters, yes?"

Remus nodded, still staring at the floor. Sirius felt the eyes of Remus' father on him, and he lifted his eyes to look at him with a questioning gaze. There was something in John Lupin's eyes, and it was almost like he _knew_, like he could see what was going on between Sirius and his younger son. Sirius suddenly felt very uncomfortable, and he met Remus' gaze as he was released by his mother, and took a few steps back.

Remus looked at Sirius as if he was asking him something, but Sirius gave no response. He just stared.

"Mum?" Remus said still holding Sirius' gaze. "Dad? I've got…something to tell you."

The blood drained from Sirius' face, and he suddenly felt rather ill. He tried to shake his head, to make Remus be quiet, but he felt like he couldn't move, like his brain had been shut off. He just stood there.

Remus cleared his throat. His parents looked at him, confusion evident on their faces. "Sirius and I are…" He looked at his parents, hoping they had figured it out, meaning he wouldn't have to say it. Obviously, they hadn't, and he frowned, almost impatiently. "Together." He eventually blurted out, watching the shock and surprise blossom on the faces of his parents.

"Together?" His mother said faintly, after a few minutes of silence. Remus took a few steps backwards, until he was next to Sirius. He wanted to take the dark haired boy's hand, for some support, but the look on his father's face stopped him.

"So that means…" His mother began. "That means you're…gay?" She whispered it like it was a swear word. Remus nodded reluctantly, eyeing her warily. Sirius noticed how he raised himself slightly onto the balls of his feet, as if ready to turn and flee. He was tensed, like an animal. It was bizarre, Sirius thought. "And Sirius is…the two of you? Together?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes." He said through gritted teeth. "That's what I've been trying to say."

"How long has this been going on?" His father asked suddenly. His voice was sharp, to the point, and Sirius couldn't decipher how John must be feeling.

Remus looked at Sirius, who could only shrug in response. Neither of them had taken note of the day they had gotten together, though it couldn't have been too long ago.

"…I don't know what to say." John Lupin looked as if he was torn between crying and erupting into a fit of rage.

"I…" Sirius said suddenly, and he felt three pairs of eyes on him. There was a sudden need to say something, anything, to try and make the situation better. "I just want to say that I…really care for your son…I'd never do anything to intentionally hurt him, ever." He finished and felt his cheeks flush as embarrassment washed over him. it was an incredibly cheesy line and he knew it, but he had hoped it would appease Remus' parents, at least to the extent that they wouldn't kill him right away.

And suddenly, Melanie was smiling at him in a way he had always hoped his own mother would smile at him. "I'm glad." She murmured, and Remus' eyebrow twitched.

"You're glad? What's that supposed to mean?"

She was still smiling, and Sirius for the life of him couldn't figure out why. "I just…" Her voice was soft, subdued almost. "I just never thought you'd find anyone who'd…who'd take care of you like this."

Remus went bright red and he scowled. "You thought I'd be single forever, is that it?"

His mother flushed, realising her mistake. She didn't bother answering, she knew Remus was smart enough to figure out what she actually meant, and she just shook her head, smiling faintly. At that point she noticed how still John had become, and she looked at him. "John?" She asked softly. "Are you alright?" She looked at him pointedly, encouraging him to say something to his son and his son's..boyfriend. Melanie supposed that _was_ what Sirius was. It would take some getting used to, that much was sure.

"Yes." John said, his voice flat, his tone unreadable. "I have to go." He said abruptly, hurriedly leaving the room, heading for the front door, grabbing his car keys as he went.

Remus' angry demeanour faded, replaced by one that could only have been described as hurt. His mother gave him a comforting look. "Don't worry about him. He's set in his ways…he'll come around eventually."

"Will he?" Remus muttered, as he heard the sound of the car engine faded into nothingness. Sirius took a step closer, protectively.

"Yes." His mother said. There was a creak from upstairs, floorboards. She looked back down at her son. "Are…are you going up to see Matthew?"

Remus sighed softly. "Guess I'll have to." There was a moment of silence, and he looked back up at his mother. All of a sudden, Remus threw his arms around his mother's shoulders, hugging her tightly. Sirius turned away to give them their privacy, but a small smile graced his lips, as he was trying to convince himself that this might be alright. It might end alright. When a hand touched his arm he looked back at Remus, who was also showing a hint of a smile. It was shaky, and a bit unsure of itself, but it was there.

"Go and see Matthew." Remus' mother said softly. "I'll be downstairs if you need me." Remus nodded and began to make his way upstairs, with Sirius following closely, protectively.

Remus paused outside Matthew's door, and turned to Sirius. Sirius urged him on with a nod of his head, and Remus took a breath, raising a hand to knock on his brother's bedroom door.

After a moment, it opened. Matthew's face showed no emotion. His blue eyes were dull, and he just stared at Sirius and Remus. There was silence between the three of them for a good while, and Sirius stared at Matthew. He was confused. Confused, but mostly angry. And when he saw Remus open his mouth to speak, he suddenly cut across him, determined to get to the bottom of what was plaguing his mind. "How dare you." He said softly, his voice no louder than a murmur. "How _dare _you treat Remus like that, after I saved your life." He paused for a moment, and Matthew raised an eyebrow. "What gives you the right to talk to him like that? You made him so damn terrified that he had to run away from home!" His voice was shaking slightly with the effort of keeping it quiet. Sirius knew that if he began shouting, Remus' mother would be able to hear.

Matthew continued on with his silence, now glaring at Sirius, who glared back at him. Remus was stuck with glancing worriedly between the two of them. "What gives me the right?" Matthew replied. "I have the right to say whatever I want about…about _him._" He gestured with his head towards Remus. "And you know why?" Matthew took a step closer. "You want to know _why?"_

Remus' slight worried expression had turned to alarm, and opened his mouth to protest, but Sirius nodded, wanting to know once and for all, and Remus knew Sirius was too stubborn to say he didn't want to know, and Matthew was too stubborn to not tell him. Matthew's mouth twitched up into a smile. "It's-"

"Matthew!" Remus interjected. "Please!" His voice had taken on a pained edge. "Why do you have to do this to me, to us, all the time?" Sirius' expression softened considerably, and he stepped closer to Remus. He even dared to place a hand on his shoulder, despite the disgust in Matthew's expression that was clearly visible at the small gesture.

"Because!" Matthew replied, their voices now nearing the level to which it would be audible from downstairs. "You deserve it!"

"But why!" It was Sirius who spoke this time. "Why must you be like this! I just can't understand why you'd treat someone as _brilliant _and as _wonderful_ as Remus the way you do! I can't understand it!"

There took place a barely noticeable change in Matthew's expression. It was like the anger in his eyes had lessened somewhat. And that was exactly what it was, unbeknownst to both Remus and Sirius, Matthew could feel an odd feeling appear within him. He couldn't explain it, but he felt oddly comforted by the sight of Sirius being this protective of Remus. He could tell that Sirius would look after his brother, whatever happened. It was an odd feeling, one Matthew was not used to, and he shook his head quickly, as if to try and get rid of it.

When there was no response from Matthew for a good few moments, Sirius sighed. "C'mon, Remus. Let's go downstairs, or something. There's stuff I want to say to your mum." He lightly grasped Remus' wrist, leading away from Matthew, and back down the stairs. Matthew watched them go, and continued to be confused by this emotion he felt. There was still anger, and a fair amount of disgust still lingered, but he no longer felt the need to permanently erase Sirius from the lives of both Remus and himself, and he could only consider that a good thing. But he wasn't sure. He didn't feel very sure of much anymore.

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**Reviews are always appreciated. :)**


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